


Gentle Rains Trailer Park

by HidansCrazyLaugh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Child Neglect, Dark Humor, Dub-con elements, F/M, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Substance Abuse, Swearing, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, but it's hidan and he doesn't die forever, dark themes, deidara abuses yelp, drug and alcohol abuse, dubcon zetsuhida, general trashiness, hidan is going to die a lot, hidan is the king of trash, kakuhida at some point, multiple deaths is that like multiple orgasms for hidan?, slow burn for KakuHida, will update the tags as it progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-17 12:37:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14189118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidansCrazyLaugh/pseuds/HidansCrazyLaugh
Summary: Kakuzu is the manager of the Gentle Rains Trailer Park Estates that are owned by Pein and Konan. Hidan, fresh out of prison and on probation moves in and with Deidara the two cause nothing but trouble for Kakuzu.





	1. 1

“Put a shirt on.” Kakuzu stood at Hidan’s door, at ten on a Sunday morning. Hidan was two days late on his rent and stood there shirtless with low slung jeans showing off rather impressive muscles (not that Kakuzu was paying attention to that) and his hair missing it’s usual gel in favor of a messy, just rolled out of bed look. And if Kakuzu didn’t know better, he’d think Hidan was trying to seduce him. 

“How about you come inside…” Hidan drawled in a low voice with a grin, “I’ll uh, get you what you want.”

“You mean the rent money?” He looked Hidan up and down, “Because that’s the only thing I want from you.”

“Are you sure?” Hidan pushed himself off the door frame he had been leaning on, hands on both hips, “I think you’re lying…You know how I can tell? Because my face is up here and you’re talking to my abs. Don’t be shy, Kakuzu, if you want to touch them-”

“I prefer my partners to not be convicts that could give me some type of disease. Now, get me my rent or I’ll have you evicted.” Kakuzu took one more look at Hidan’s chest, noticing a small round scar in the center of it.

Glaring at Kakuzu, Hidan shouted, “Like I’d want someone as old as you! You probably taste like a ninety year old man who needs help wiping his own ass!” He slammed the door in Kakuzu’s face and then immediately flung it open again, “Not that I know what ninety year old men taste like!” The door was slammed once more and Hidan went to grab the money off the table, all carefully counted out the night before as he knew Kakuzu would be around to collect it. Flinging the door open so hard it banged against the inside wall, Hidan held out his hand, “Here, take your dirty money and get off my property, you old fuck!” 

“Your property? Might I remind you that you only rent, and own nothing except the furniture you likely got off the side of the street that other people were throwing away and whatever else you most likely stole.” Kakuzu took the cash, not missing the way Hidan’s fingers lingered against his, “I’ll report you for sexual harassment if you don’t stop touching me. I’m sure you don’t need sex offender added to your record.”

Quickly withdrawing his hand, Hidan stood there, making sure Kakuzu got one last look at the body he worked very hard for, “So, same time next month, yeah?”

Once home, Kakuzu counted the money Hidan had given him only to find it was short by ten dollars. Of course it was, Hidan probably couldn’t count past twenty without a calculator.

Hidan sat on the couch in his boxers, it was just too hot and the swamp cooler did nothing when it got as hot as it was, he had a beer in one hand and in the other had an envelope he had found tucked into his door earlier in the morning.

“The fuck is this?” He muttered as he took out several pages, all neatly folded into thirds, “Gentle Rains Newsletter? I didn’t know this place made a newsletter…damn, trying to be all classy and shit, someone didn’t get the message that this is a fucking trailer park, and not one of the nice ones either.” He started to read it, but couldn’t get very far as suddenly there was a pounding on the front door and, startled, Hidan jumped, choking on his beer and snorting it into his nose, then remembered he hadn’t done anything illegal recently since he was on probation and didn’t want to get any violations. After wiping his face with a discarded shirt from the floor, he opened the door to find Kakuzu standing on his porch for the second time that morning.

“Well, well, well…Kakuzu…you couldn’t stay away, now could you? I knew my charm was irresistible.”

“You’re ten dollars short.”

Making a face, Hidan tried to figure out what that was supposed to mean, “I’m not that much shorter than you…what are you getting at, I don’t-”

“Are you drunk or just stupid? I’m talking about the rent that you just gave me! It’s short by ten dollars. I’m not commenting on your height! I need ten more dollars fro you!”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, I might have done that on purpose.” Hidan laughed, “You want to come in?” 

Kakuzu looked down, “You seem to have less and less clothing on each time I see you. And no, I don’t want to come in. Just give me my money.” He just wanted to go home, where he had air conditioning, and finish checking the rent and adding it all up so he could get it to the bank and deposit everything. The owners did not like to be kept waiting on that.

“Fine…let me try to find your ten precious bucks.” This time, the door was not slammed in Kakuzu’s face and while Hidan was searching for the money, Kakuzu took the time to take a good look inside

It was a mess. There was hardly any furniture, an old brown couch with unpleasant looking stains on it, and a TV tray as a coffee table, and the old TV with antennas on top sat on another TV tray. There was a pile of dirty laundry on the floor in the hall a foot high and Kakuzu didn’t even want to know what the kitchen and bathroom would look like. There were even stains on the carpet, as if Hidan had spilled food or drinks and never bother to even try to clean it up, he had only been there one month and had already ruined the carpet. A fly buzzed past his face out of the trailer.

“So, I found five.” Hidan said as he walked back over to the front door, “And I found another dollar in quarters, and here’s seventeen cents, that enough?”  
“No, it is not enough. I need the rest of it. You have to pay your rent in full, each month, I don’t take partial payment. This is not a game!”

“But Kakuzu, I don’t have anymore, that’s the last of my money, I got nothing til I get paid next week or whatever I make in tips tonight. But…you know, I could pay you in something else, I’m really fucking talented. I bet you have a few bucks you don’t need and can cover the rest of my rent with.”

In all the times that Kakuzu managed Gentle Rains Trailer Park, which was a ridiculous name considering it never rained and when it did they were lucky the place didn’t get washed away, he had never had a problem with tenants paying on time and in full. Something about him being terrifying to most people.

Most people except Hidan. He clearly was not afraid of him and was apparently sexually attracted to him instead.

“How talented can you possibly be for only three dollars and eighty three cents?” 

“Why don’t you accept my offer and fucking find out?” Hidan asked with one brow raised.

“If you don’t give me the remaining money I will start the eviction process today.”

Laughing, Hidan cut him off, “Nah, I know you won’t, because by law you have have no fucking grounds to evict me. Now, why don’t you come inside and have a beer while I call Deidara, he’ll loan me the few bucks and if he doesn’t have it…well, can you wait until tomorrow?” 

With much reluctance, Kakuzu stepped inside the trailer with a barely clothed Hidan who threw him a can of beer from the kitchen which he could now not open unless he wanted it to explode all over him, and then was told to sit on the couch while Hidan got out his phone. 

“Hey, Deidara, are you awake?” Hidan asked into the phone.

“If I wasn’t do you think you’d be talking to me right now, hm?”

“Yeah, you’re right…well, anyways, do you have, um, hang on,” He looked over at Kakuzu, “How much do I owe you?”

“Three dollars and eighty three cents.” Kakuzu repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I need three dollars and eighty three cents. I’ll pay you back later.”

“Alright, just give me a few minutes to find it.”

“Take your time, no rush.” He ended the call and sat too close to Kakuzu who moved away, “He’ll be here soon. Why don’t you drink your beer?”

“Because you shook it and it will explode if I open it.”

“Oh…but then you can take your clothes off and we can both sit here in our underwear. What do you have on under there? Boxers or briefs? Or…nothing at all?” 

“You’ll never find out.” Kakuzu put the beer on the tv tray and looked around, “You know, it looks pretty much as I imagined it would look in here.”

Hidan brightened at that, “You’ve imagined what my place looks like?” He looked like his crush just admitted they liked him.

So Kakuzu had to ruin it, “Yes, because I wondered how many bodies you might be hiding here when the police showed up last week.”

“I’m not stupid enough to hide the bodies where I live! And besides, I never killed anyone! And when I did, it was an accident! It was the middle of the night and he was wearing all black and jaywalking! If you do that, you’re asking to be mowed down!” 

Kakuzu rubbed his face, of course Hidan had killed someone…

“Oh, and what the fuck is this shit?” Hidan grabbed the crumpled newsletter, “I found it in my door this morning!”

“Ah, I see you’ve gotten your first copy. It’s filled with all the latest gossip and going ons, and paparazzi photos that border on being creepy.”

Hidan gave him a look, “Are you some kinda perv? Knock this shit off. It’s not funny. Well, except this part, something about some dumb ass kid letting their dogs shit all over the place and if they’re not careful said dog is going to end up eaten by coyotes or something.”

Kakuzu sighed, “Do I look like someone who would write this? I don’t know who does, but when I find out, their rent is doubling.”

While waiting in silence, they heard a fly buzzing around and then shouting from the trailer next door.

“Finally decide to wake up, boy?” There was silence, and then, “Get your own breakfast, I’m not your mother and hurry it up, you have chores to do!”

“What the hell, it’s too early in the fucking day…” Hidan grumbled, then turned around and shouted through the open window, “Quit your fucking yelling!! I don’t want to hear your voice, I have to take a nap later, I work tonight!! And leave the damn kid alone, it’s fucking summer vacation!”

“Mind your own business, punk!” The window slammed shut. Though it didn’t help much as other windows were open and the walls were too thin to stop much noise anyways.

Kakuzu knew Hidan’s neighbor, Hiruzen Sarutobi and a foster kid, Naruto. They always seemed to be so friendly and happy while out, Kakuzu knew it had to be fake.

The front door flew open then, banging into the wall again and Deidara walked in with a cigarette between his lips, “Hidan, it’s not even lunch time yet and you’re already drinking in your underwear? At least wait until lunch.”

“Who cares what time it is. It’s hot and I’m bored.”

“Anyways, here’s your money.” Deidara dug into his pocket, “Pay me back in a few days, I know you’re ‘working’ tonight.” He snickered, “Make sure your uh, ‘customers’ are happy with you and give you big tips.”

Hidan took the money and rolled his eyes, “You have to make it sound like I’m a prostitute or something? I have a guest over.”

“I’m not your guest.” Kakuzu said, snatching the money from Hidan’s hand, “Where’s the eighty three cents?”

“It was a strange number and I didn’t think was important, I thought he was being a dick.” Deidara shrugged, backing up to put some distance between himself and his manager. They weren’t exactly on good terms ever since Deidara, late for class and drunk from putting too much Irish cream in his coffee, had backed over his neighbor’s kid’s bike, while the kid was on it, and didn’t realize and drove away while the child was left crying on the road and the mother screaming and shouting and chasing after the car. Kakuzu had to get involved as the mother wanted to sue Deidara for every cent he had, which wasn’t going to be much, and tried to get him evicted and then threatened to sue Kakuzu for letting him move in next door to her. 

“Pay the rest once you get it, maybe if you’re not a dick people will give you better tips at whatever job it is you have that supposedly isn’t prostitution but sounds like it might be.” Kakuzu stood, and took the beer as he walked to the door and examined the wall, seeing the dent from the door handle, “That’s coming out of your security deposit when you move out. And so is that,” he pointed to the stain, that was red and he hoped was ketchup or punch and not blood, “whatever the hell it is.”

“Joke’s on you, I’m never leaving this shit hole because I love it so fucking much!! When I leave, it’ll be in a body bag!”

“More like you can’t afford to move out, you can’t make much at your job if you had to borrow three dollars.” Kakuzu started to close the door when Deidara shouted at him.

“He’s a male dancer and makes a ton in tips! You need to see him work the pole some night, it’s really hot and-”

“What the fuck, man, don’t shout it, I don’t want the neighbors to think less of me.” He grabbed the cigarette from Deidara’s fingers and started to smoke it himself.

Pausing before he shut the door completely, Kakuzu looked at Hidan, “That would imply people have a high opinion of you in the first place, and trust me, they don’t.” Sparing a glance at Deidara, he added, “Same goes for you, Hit and Run.” He shut the door and went home to finish sorting out the rent.

They looked at each other for a moment before Deidara reached for his stolen cigarette, “Give that back.”

Hidan held it up out of his reach, “No, smoking is bad for you, I’m saving your life here.” 

That night, after Hidan got off work, he drove home and stopped at Kakuzu’s place and rang the doorbell. Ten times.

The door opened roughly and Kakuzu stood there, wrapped in a black bathrobe that exposed some of his well defined chest, and he glared at Hidan, “What do you want?” 

“I have the rest of my rent.”

“You had to wake me up for that?”

“Well yeah, you said to pay once I got the money and that’s what I’m doing.” He shook his hand, the change jingling in it.

Kakuzu was looking at Hidan, he looked different for some reason, “Are you…wearing eyeliner and…what the hell is that?” He pointed at Hidan’s throat, “You really are stripper, aren’t you? On your application you stated you were a waiter at an IHOP.”

“Dancer, not a stripper! I don’t take my clothes off, cause they’re already mostly off anyways.” Hidan felt heat creep into his cheeks, and he toyed with the silver sequined bow tie around his throat, “I don’t like to tell people. And it wasn’t a total lie, I was waiting tables at the club I work at when I moved in here, but I just got promoted…I still wait tables, too…but they don’t let just anyone dance, they are very choosy and I worked my sweet ass off for it.”

Kakuzu flipped on the porch light and held out his hand, “Quit babbling about your job and give me my money.”

Thoughts of throwing the change onto the floor or into Kakuzu’s trailer crossed his mind, but Hidan was tired and wanted to go home and besides that, this was his manager, he really didn’t want to get thrown out over a few pieces of change. So he dropped the money into the outstretched hand then turned to leave.

“Oh no, you’re not going anywhere yet.” Kakuzu said, “Let me count it first.” 

“It’s all there…”

“That’s what you said this morning.”

“Well it’s all there now.”

Kakuzu counted it, twice, and yes, it was all there, amazingly. He expected a penny to be missing, “Good, now I hope next month you pay on time, in full so we can avoid all this unpleasantness.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Hidan yawned, “see you around old man.”

Kakuzu did not watch as Hidan turned around and walked out to his car, and did not pay attention to how tight his pants were. He was not at all interested in the trashiest tenant to ever live in the Gentle Rains trailer park.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan and Deidara go on a dinner run and Deidara is a terrible driver. Someone calls the cops on them for swimming in the pool and Hidan gets hit by a car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write out of chronological order for some reason and so I wasn’t sure what to do for chapter 2, and was writing some stuff that happens later, and sorry for it taking a while. This is also really long, I’m not sure if I should apologize or not…

Hidan opened the door to the refrigerator for the fifth time, expecting something to eat to appear inside of it, but the same old things were in there, the remains of a roasted chicken that had probably gone bad and needed to be thrown out, some condiments, a few cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes, which he took and put in his back pocket before shutting the door again.

Looking around the kitchen he found a half a bag of moldy bread, and a potato that had sprouted, so he decided he would need to go out to the store, and since he did not want to go alone, he texted Deidara, and they decided to go together.

“Let’s just go to 7-11, yeah?” Deidara asked as he got into his car, “It’s closest.”

“Yeah but I need some real food, I don’t want to eat a bunch of snacks for dinner, I worked hard for this body.”

“But they have some chips I like there.”

“Fine, we can go to Wal-Mart after.”

Hidan put his seatbelt on and made sure it was secure, knowing that Deidara was not exactly the best of drivers, “Um, that was a stop sign…” He pointed out the window as they left the trailer park and turned out onto the road without even stopping.

“There was no one coming, hm.” Deidara told him, then got out his cell phone and took a picture for snapchat of the sky or something, Hidan didn’t know and didn’t care and tried to grab the phone away.

“I don’t want to die in your fucking car, Deidara!” Hidan shouted, grabbing the phone and taking a video of Deidara glaring at him and added it to his story before throwing in the back seat.

“You’re not going to die.” Deidara huffed, “Whatever, light a cigarette for me, will you?”

Hidan got out two cigarettes, lit one and then held the other, unlit one, out to Deidara, “You know, you really shouldn’t smoke.”

“Says the guy with a cigarette in his mouth, give it to me.”

“Alright, it’s your death. Open your mouth.” He said and stuck it into Deidara’s mouth for him, and leaned over, talking around the one in his own mouth, “Now suck, not too hard though.”

Deidara inhaled and lit his cigarette from Hidan’s, their eyes meeting briefly and Hidan watched as a flush crept into Deidara’s cheeks before he looked away and slammed on the brakes to avoid running into the back of a van in front of them.

Deidara made a left turn at the corner and drove into the 7-11 parking lot a bit faster than he should have been going and couldn’t stop in time, hitting the front window of the store, shattering it, then reversed the car and parked.

“What the fuck were you thinking!?” Hidan demanded as they got out and walked in.

“Sorry about that, my man.” Deidara said to the clerk.

The clerk just sighed, “It’s alright, you have insurance, right?”

“Oh yeah, I got insurance.”

“Fine, fine. Just give me your information before you leave.” The clerk waved them away and Deidara found the chips he wanted while Hidan was getting a slurpee and then they paid, the clerk took Deidara’s insurance information and they left.

“You do shit like that often?” Hidan asked, looking at the window as they backed up.

“No…I was…distracted.” Deidara said with a laugh, “It looks pretty like that though, doesn’t it? All the shattered pieces, it’s like art!” 

“Yeah, sure, art.” Hidan sucked up his slurpee through the straw, “Want some?”

“This’ll kill you before the smoking does, you’ll get diabetes.” Deidara said, leaning over and opening his mouth for Hidan to put the straw in so he wouldn’t have to take his hands off the wheel, blue eyes looking up at Hidan as he got a mouthful before turning back to the road.

By the time they got to Wal-Mart the slurpee was finished and Hidan braced himself as Deidara parked, afraid he might crash into the car in front of them but he did not.

“I hate this place, hm, I always feel dirty after being here.” Deidara said as they walked into the store past the door greeter who had just greeted them.

“Yeah, me too, but shit’s cheap here and you don’t have to go to five different places to get all the shopping done.” Hidan shrugged and grabbed a cart and they walked over to the food aisles, avoiding an aisle where a child was leashed to a cart and walking in circles while the female caretaker, possibly mother, opened jars of peanut butter and sniffed them, dipping her finger into one to taste it.

“Bitch, that’s disgusting.” Hidan muttered.

Deidara walked ahead of him and looked at the pool noodles, “You wanna hang out tonight?”

“I can’t drink or anything, I meet my PO in the morning, don’t want to get locked up again. I hate that prick…he’d do that if he even thinks I had been drinking…Speaking of which, you gotta take that beer from my fridge, and I have some Jack in the bedroom, give it back after tomorrow, don’t fucking drink it.”

“I’ve never drunk your shit, man.” 

“Um, yeah, you fucking did, last time, you gave me back an empty bottle and were so drunk you didn’t know what you were doing, you thought I wanted to recycle it.” 

“Hmm…maybe I did…” Deidara thought about it and shrugged, “Alright, well, I won’t drink it this time. And we don’t have to drink, we can go for a swim.”

Hidan got some protein powder and milk, then a few boxes of macaroni and cheese, some instant ramen, a pack of hot dogs and a roasted chicken. Deidara threw some chicken crackers and canned spray cheese into the cart and some cereal and milk, after looking around a bit more, they added some bacon and eggs to the cart and went to the self checkout, grabbing some store brand oreo’s on the way.

As they were paying for their items Deidara elbowed Hidan in the ribs, “What the fuck was that for?!” Hidan demanded, “That hurt…”

“Oh my god, Hidan…shut up, it didn’t hurt that bad.” Deidara shook his head, “Don’t look, but…” He tilted his head to the side and Hidan turned around to see Kakuzu at one of other self checkouts, hair tied up, wearing a black sleeveless shirt that showed perfectly muscled arms, and black jeans that were neither too loose nor too snug. Hidan felt his mouth go dry at the sight and swallowed hard. 

“Damn, Hidan…you want him bad, don’t you?” Deidara drawled next to his ear, “Too bad he hates you.”

Hidan snapped out of it and glared at his friend before turning back to Kakuzu, waving at him, “Oh, hey, Kakuzu! What a coincidence that we’re both shopping here tonight.”

Kakuzu didn’t bother to look up, and continued scanning his items, hoping they would leave without trying to engage him in further conversation. It was bad enough he had to see them where he lived but out in public, too? That was too much.

“Kakuzu!!” Hidan shouted, becoming irritated, shoving his credit card into the card reader, “Didn’t you hear me? Did you forget your fucking hearing aids, old man?!”

Deidara’s eyes grew wide, “Hidan!” He hissed, “What are you doing?! He’s going to raise our rent or something!”

“He can’t do shit, we have leases.” Hidan laughed, “Yo! Kakuzu! I just bought a roasted chicken, wanna come over to my place and eat it with me? It’ll be like a date.”

“No.” Kakuzu said, scanning the last of his items.

“Aw, come on.”

“I said no. I don’t date people who take their clothes off for money, and I also don’t date, period. It’s childish, and I am not a child.” 

“You’re just jealous because you’re too old to get money if you took your clothes off, no one wants to see what you’ve got under there.” Hidan looked Kakuzu up and down, and hated the way his blood heated at the thought of what he might look like without anything on, knowing that it was going to be good regardless of his age.

“It seems to me you are very interested to see what I have under here, but you’re not going to find out. Ever. Go eat your chicken alone, Hidan, and I hope you choke on a bone and die so you can quit hitting on me every chance you get.”

Before Hidan could get any words out of his mouth, Deidara had grabbed him hand and yanked him away, pushing a shopping bag into his hands, “Hidan, stop!”

“Did you hear that shit he just said to me?!” Hidan wanted to punch the old man in the face.

“Yes, and I heard what you said to him, you’re even.” They left the store, the door greeter not bothering to check their receipt after looking at them.

“But he told me to fucking die!” 

“Calm down.” Deidara said, tossing the bags into the backseat, “Get in the car.”

“Look at him.” Hidan said, watching as Kakuzu left the store and walked through the parking lot, “Thinks he’s hot shit, I can’t fucking stand him.”

“Hidan…get in…” Deidara groaned as he turned the key in the ignition.

“I’m gonna fuck him one day, he’ll be begging me for my dick.” Hidan finally got in the car and Deidara backed up and drove out of the parking lot, honking at someone, “What a stupid driver, doesn’t know how a stop sign works, hm!” 

“Yeah.” Hidan said, raising his eyebrows, “Much like someone else I know…”

They put their food away in their respective homes, then took the roast chicken to the pool to eat it and go for a night time swim.

As they were getting out, they saw a police car drive up with the lights on.

“I wonder what happened, hm?” Deidara said.

“Yeah, I bet someone was beating his wife or cooking meth or something, this is a trailer park, I bet that happens a lot around here, right?” Hidan dried his hair and they were about to leave the pool area when two police officers walked up to them, one with blond hair, the other having gray and both looked like they were closely related and looked like they were overly muscled assholes.

Hidan and Deidara exchanged looks and then looked around, they were the only ones in the pool area.

“Oh my god…Hidan…what do we do, hm?” Deidara whispered.

“Stay calm, you’re freaking the fuck out, cops can smell fear so stop it.”

Deidara did not stay calm, “Is it about the window?!” Deidara wanted to know, “They said it was ok! I gave my insurance!”

“Alright, everybody needs to remain calm.” The blond officer said, hand going to his gun.

Deidara made squeaking noises and Hidan was just pissed, he hadn’t done anything, and as far as he knew, neither had Deidara, unless you count not stopping at stop signs and snapchatting while driving and crashing into the window at 7-11, but those wouldn’t warrant the police coming out while they were having a swim, “We didn’t do anything!” Hidan told them.

“Do you live here?” 

“Yeah, and we pay our fuck-” 

Deidara jammed his elbow into Hidan’s ribs for the second time that night and he knew he would have some bruises.

“We pay our rent.” Deidara said, “We’re good friends with the manager, too! Mr. Kakuzu! That’s his name!”

“We got a call about a couple of vagrants bathing in the pool, we’re going to have to call this ‘Mr. Kakuzu’ out and check with him.” The officer clearly did not believe them.

“What’s your name? Officer…?” Hidan wanted to know.

“Kinkaku.”

“And Ginkaku.”

Repressing the urge to roll his eyes, they were clearly brothers, probably twins, who gives their stupid fucking kids matching names, Hidan thought, but put on his most charming smile instead and said, “Alright then, Officers Kinkaku and Ginkaku, I’m going to call Kakuzu, and he’ll come out and prove that we do in fact live here and are not bums bathing in the pool.”

Deidara was nodding and wondered what stupid idiot called the police on them. He watched Hidan reach into his pocket but he was wearing his swim shorts and did not have his phone on him.

“Damn…Deidara, do you have your phone?”

Deidara shook his head.

Hidan laughed it off, “Well, since we were swimming, we don’t have our phones, but if you just go over to his trailer-”

“Alright, do you have your keys that could prove you live here?” Kinkaku asked, crossing his arms.

Hidan looked around, “Damn…” there were no keys.

“So, you have no keys, no phone. Alright, well, we can still get to the bottom of this. Why don’t you two have a seat and-”

“Why don’t you just let us go get him?!” Hidan demanded, “We’re not homeless! We were not bathing in the stupid fucking pool!”

“Alright, you need to calm down!” The other officer, Ginkaku said, coming forward, something small and black in his hand.

“We live here!” Hidan shouted.

“Hidan, just sit down…” Deidara said, “They can go get Kakuzu…”

But Hidan was past the point of listening, “Who the fuck called you cops anyways? Huh?!” He turned to Deidara, “I bet it was that bitch you live next to, I think I saw her ugly ass walk by. Did you know she’s a fucking stripper? Yeah, my boss knows her, she works-”

“Sir! I need you to sit down!” Kinkaku ordered. 

“I’m not doing anything!” Hidan shouted back.

“Hidan.” Deidara tried to grab his hand to pull him down but Hidan was too worked up and pulled his hand away.

“No, we didn’t do a damn thing, we live here, we have a right to be in the pool, it’s not after ten, we weren’t making noise! This is complete bullshit!” He was moving towards the police and they pulled their guns on him, “Oh?! You wanna fucking shoot me?!” He held his arms open, “Go the fuck ahead!! Joke’s on you though-”

“Get on the ground!” They barked at him and without giving him time to react, they had him tackled on the ground and one had a knee between his shoulder blades and the other cop was twisting his arms around to handcuff him.

“What’s going on here?” Kakuzu asked. He had seen the flashing lights and then had gotten a call from several of the tenants that there was a disturbance at the pool. Of course it would be Hidan and Deidara.

“Nothing to see here! Just a couple of vagrants,possibly under the influence, we need you to step back, sir!” 

“Vagrants?” Kakuzu repeated, “They’re not vagrants, even though they look it, they live here.”

“Do they? And who are you?” 

“I’m the manager, Kakuzu.”

“See?! Told you, you fucking pig! Why don’t you let me up and go fill your fat mouth up at Denny’s!” Hidan spat from where he was still held down on the ground and tried to get up, then decided to slam the back of his head into the officers face but missed.

 

“Resisting and attempting to assault an officer, that’s an offense, you know. I could take you in for this!” Ginkaku said, holding Hidan down, he pulled something from his vest and grabbed Hidan by the hair to yank his head up and around and sprayed him directly in the face with pepper spray, making sure to get it in his eyes and mouth.

Hidan screamed, Deidara screamed, Kakuzu grimaced, thinking that was a bit much, Hidan hadn’t actually hit him after all.

“You have proof they live here?” Kinkaku demanded all while Hidan and Deidara screamed in front of them as Hidan was still being sprayed.

“If you come with me, I can straighten this all out.” Kakuzu said, jaw set.

Hidan felt like his spine was going to snap with the amount of pressure the cop held him down with, not like he could see to get up, his entire face felt like it was on fire, his mouth and throat were on fire, his eyes were blurry and watering and he really couldn’t see a thing, his nose was running and even that burned. “You uh, wanna ease up a bit? I promise I won’t go anywhere.” Hidan coughed, spitting mace and saliva onto the cement.

“Oh, well I’m a fat pig, so I don’t think so.” And with that, Ginkaku put even more pressure on Hidan.

It was almost ten minutes before they came back, “Let him up.” 

Ginkaku pushed off Hidan’s back and he grunted in pain before being pulled to his feet.

“Checks out, they live here, must be a neighbor they pissed off or something. I’ll write up the report.” 

Hidan was released and he stumbled forward, Deidara caught him so he didn’t fall into the pool.

Kakuzu glared at the two of them.

“I fucking hate those guys…” Hidan muttered as the cops drove away, he was rubbing his eyes and face, making everything worse, “I need to fucking wash my face…fucking hurts! And shit! Shit!! Shit!!! I have to meet my PO looking like this in the morning, fuck!”

“Take him home.” Kakuzu said.

“I don’t have my keys!” Hidan shouted, eyes squeezed shut, he kept rubbing them and Kakuzu grabbed his hands, pulling them away, “What the fuck?!”

“Stop touching your face.” Kakuzu told him, still holding both of Hidan’s wrists in one hand.

“Kakuzu, I uh, don’t have my keys either…” Deidara said.

Kakuzu looked at the two of them, his eyes staying on Hidan longer, his face was all red and he was actually crying, “Alright, come with me.” 

He could have just given them a spare key and been done with them, but for some reason he pulled Hidan inside and down the hall into his bathroom where he turned on the shower, “Stick your face under the water.” Kakuzu ordered.

Deidara stood in the doorway, watching as Hidan let himself be shoved into the spray of the cold water and tried to force his eyes open, it burned, and he couldn’t see a thing except for light, but he let Kakuzu hold him under the water, enjoying the feel of large hands on his shoulders, holding him steady, one of his own hands came up, feeling the air in front of him for Kakuzu’s arm, grasping it. 

“You.” Kakuzu said and turned to look at Deidara, “Go and sit down, don’t you dare touch anything or look through my stuff, and if anything is missing, I’ll know you took it. I’ll get you your key in a moment.”

Kakuzu pulled Hidan out, “How’s that?”

“Can’t fuckin’ see.” His eyes were still watering and he had snot running down his face. Kakuzu thought he looked pathetic and shoved him back under the water. 

“Open your eyes.”

“I’m trying to!”

“Stay.” Kakuzu let go and Hidan fumbled to put his hands up on the wall at the loss of support. Kakuzu left the bathroom and went to get Deidara the spare key for his trailer.

“What about Hidan?”

“He’ll be done soon, but I don’t want you sitting out here by yourself, you’ll probably start looking through my things, so go home.”

“Hiding something?” Deidara asked without thinking.

“Yes, your body if you don’t leave.” 

Deidara left, not saying another word, hoping Hidan would be alright.

After Kakuzu went back into the bathroom, he got a bar of soap from the sink and then lathered up his hands, “Close your eyes.” He pulled Hidan out of the water and rubbed his soapy hands all over his face.

“You got soap in my mouth you fuckwad!” Hidan tried to jerk away, but Kakuzu had too strong a hold on him.

“I’m trying to help you, you piece of shit! Rinse your face.” Kakuzu pushed him back under the water and after a few more minutes, Hidan was trying to get out of the water, “Done?” Kakuzu asked, pulling him out, and looking him over, “Can you at least see?”

“Oh yeah, I can see perfectly fine now.” 

“You look like shit, Hidan.” 

“I’ve been pepper sprayed before, I know what I fucking look like.” 

Kakuzu handed him a towel and let him dry his face off, he had done enough already, why hadn’t he just let Deidara take him home he didn’t know.

Kakuzu pushed him out of the bathroom and towards the front door, grabbing the key from the hook on the wall, “Here,” he put it in Hidan’s hand, “your spare key, bring it back by tomorrow.” 

Hidan hesitated at the door, trying to grab the door knob but missing, “Can’t you walk me home?”

“No.” Kakuzu opened the door gave him a gentle push out, “Now go, and don’t get hit by any cars.”

“Kakuzu! Walk me home!” Hidan shouted as he held onto the railing to walk down the steps, “I can’t fucking see!!”

“You’ll be fine.” 

Kakuzu hadn’t really believed him until he watched as he walked right out in front of a car and get hit, his body thrown back several yards as the car came to a screeching halt.

The driver got out, Kakuzu recognized him by his red hair, Rasa, he hated him.

“What the hell are you doing walking out in front of me like that?!” Rasa shouted at the motionless body in the road.

“Dad! You just killed…”

Rasa turned on the girl who had gotten out, “Temari! Get back in the car!”

Kakuzu walked down the steps and was kneeling next to Hidan, checking for a pulse. There was blood coming from his ears, nose, and mouth and he had a dark bruise on his stomach where he had been hit, clearly there was internal bleeding 

“Is he alive?” Rasa demanded as he walked over, “What was he doing, walking out into the road like that? And what’s wrong with his face? Is he on drugs?”

Looking up at him, Kakuzu ignored all of Rasa’s questions and asked, “Why were you driving so fast through here? There’s a speed limit you know, fifteen miles per hour, you were going at least thirty, probably more.”

“Does he have a pulse?”

“No.” Kakuzu told him, “And he isn’t breathing either.” 

Well, Kakuzu thought, he would be able to get rid of two tenants that had caused him problems, both for different reasons, two birds, one stone, too bad he wouldn’t get to find out if Hidan was as good as he claimed to be, Kakuzu would regret that, but it was better this way.

“Then do something!” Rasa told him, “Call 911, don’t you know CPR?” He was on his knees on Hidan’s other side, “Someone managing a trailer park should at least know CPR, there’s kids and old people living here, you got a pool! And people like him, who walk in front of cars! Like I need vehicular manslaughter charges added to my record…Call the damn ambulance already!!” He started chest compressions and then tilted Hidan’s head back and saw the blood, “I’m not putting my mouth on that. Kakuzu, breathe into his mouth!”

“Shut up!” Kakuzu grabbed Rasa by the throat, “You’re the one who ran into him and killed him! If anyone is putting their mouth on him, it’ll be be you.” Shoving him down towards Hidan’s face, they both jumped back as Hidan sucked in a breath, then started coughing as he choked on his own blood, it flew from his mouth, hitting them both.

“Damn…” Kakuzu muttered, disappointed that Hidan was not in fact dead, he decided it was just one more reason to hate Rasa. Hidan had had no pulse, Kakuzu had been sure of it, he blamed Rasa for him not staying dead.

“What? You wanted him to die?” Rasa asked, “Hey, look at me, kid.” Rasa pulled Hidan into a sitting position, “How do you feel?”

Hidan looked around, blood dripping from his mouth, and his arms went around his stomach, “Oww…fuck…What happened?”

After a very pointed look with Kakuzu, Rasa said, “You passed out, you alright now?”

“I didn’t pass out, I was-”

“What’s your name?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Hidan asked, squinting, trying to see who was talking to him, he still couldn’t see and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm, smearing it with blood.

“I just saved your life, kid! You should have some respect.”

“Yeah, well I’d have been fine on my own, dick face, and I aint no kid!” Hidan got to his feet, “I don’t fucking like you, and I don’t even know you!”

“You let some real trash move in here, Kakuzu.” Rasa growled as he walked away.

“Just a minute.” Kakuzu said.

“What?”

“Dad…I-” Temari said from the car, looking at the phone in her hands.

Rasa turned his head and shouted at her, “Be quiet!” then turned back to Kakuzu, “What do you want? He’s fine, he was just passed out, he can stand, walk and string coherent sentences together. Clearly you don’t know how to read a pulse and-”

“Dad, I’m sorry-”

“I said to shut up, can’t you do what you’re told?!”

“But, Kankuro’s texting me!”

“So? We’re almost home.”

“It’s Gaara…he did something, again, he’s not listening to Kankuro.”

“Damn that kid…wait until I get my hands on him…” Rasa balled his hands into fists, “Look, Kakuzu, I’m sorry, he seems fine, if he’s not, I’ll…pay for his doctors bill, just let me go and don’t get the cops involved. I really have to go now, my kid is causing problems, again!” 

“Fine. Go, and your damn kid better not be destroying anything that’s not yours this time. We can discuss this matter, “ he nodded towards Hidan, “later.” 

Kakuzu said, he knew he could get some money out of this.

“You gonna fucking walk me home now? Or you want me to get run down a few more times before I make it there on my own?” Hidan asked.

“You’re too much trouble, Hidan.” Kakuzu looked him over, the black and blue splotches on his stomach standing out against his pale skin, he couldn’t help it and reached out and ran his finger tips over it. How was he still alive and standing on his own, Kakuzu wondered.

“Hey, wh,what’re you doing?” Hidan stepped back.

Kakuzu dropped his hand, “Nothing. You should probably go to the hospital and get checked out.”

“Probably should, yeah, but there’s no need, I’ll be fine. Told you I couldn’t see a fucking thing, didn’t believe me…I think you’re trying to get me killed.” Hidan muttered as Kakuzu practically drug him across the trailer park to his place.

“You’re home now, give me the key.” 

Kakuzu unlocked and opened the door, “You know your way around your own trailer, don’t trip and break your neck.”

Hidan smiled, it looked horrible on his red, swollen and bloodied face, “Ooh, Kuzu, I think you might actually care about me.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Kakuzu said, watching as Hidan got inside, he wished Rasa had killed Hidan, he was becoming a real problem.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan gets a visit from his PO, Kakuzu screws Rasa, and Deidara gets some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut here. And it is just trashy and it’s supposed to be kind of funny and somewhat awkward and not very smooth or great ok? I did my best, I hope it comes across that way and that it’s not terrible. If it is, I’m sorry.

Hidan had a clean black t-shirt on, and clean jeans, both of which had been saved for this particular day, and his hair was slicked back, he wanted to look as presentable as he could for his parole officer after the night before. While most of the swelling had gone down, his eyes were still red and watery from the pepper spray, and he couldn’t hide the bruises and cuts on his face and arms from being hit by a car, so he hoped for the best as he grabbed his keys and wallet to go down to the police station for his scheduled meeting with his parole officer.

Just as he opened his front door he saw a squad car drive up and his parole officer, Asuma Sarutobi, get out.

“Fuck.” He sighed.

“Hidan. I know you must be on your way to come meet me, but after the report I got about you this morning, I decided I needed to come out here and check on things in person. How about we go inside.”

Hidan wanted to say no, to go to hell, but he couldn’t and stepped aside, allowing Asuma in.

“You should never become an interior designer…” Asuma told him, looking around, his eyes lingering on the red stain by the kitchen, “Were you under the influence of anything last night?”

“No.”

“You haven’t been drinking?”

“No.”

“Taking drugs?”

“No!” Hidan was getting irritated, hated having Asuma in his house.

“Look,” Asuma ran a hand over his face, “I have to ask, and I have the right to search your house.”

“Then fucking search it, I got nothing to hide!"

After a thorough search Asuma found nothing but a handgun and some knives, which he questioned Hidan about, “I live in a shitty trailer park, who knows who else lives here, I could be living next to some violent ex-con.”

“Aren’t you the violent ex-con?” Asuma asked, holding the gun in his hand, “How did you get this?”

“I’ve had it, it’s not new.”

Asuma sighed, “Hidan, being in possession of a firearm is against the law.”

Hidan frowned at this, crossing his arms, “I don’t recall anything like that…”

“You are a convicted felon, you killed someone with your car. You can not have a gun, you are breaking the law by having this.”

“But I didn’t-”

“You want to go back to jail? Because it looks like-”

“No I fucking don’t want to go back to jail! I didn’t know, I really didn’t. I don’t wanna end up back in jail, I’m sorry! Fuck...look, I didn’t know…I had it from before, it’s not new, was my dad’s...oh shit.” Hidan was running shaky hands through his hair, messing it up, “I’ve been good, you know I have, come on man, please don’t report this.”

Asuma turned the gun over in his hands, looking at it and sighed, “I have to do my job.”

“Fuck!! I fucking hate you!!” Hidan turned around and walked out the front door, grabbing the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up, taking a long drag, trying to calm down. His chest felt so tight, he tore his shirt off, throwing it on the porch and kicking at it. Spotting an empty clay flower pot, he kicked it down the steps, it hit the ground and broke into several pieces with a clatter, but it didn't help. He wanted to scream, wanted to claw at his skin and make it bleed, it felt too tight, his lungs burned and ached and his breathing came in short, rapid breaths. Jail was the last place he want to go, he hated it there.

“Hey!” Asuma shouted, coming after him.

“It’s not like I went around shooting people!” Hidan shouted at him, waving his cigarette out in front of him, “It was an accident! I stopped! I could have kept going but I fucking stopped! I was so stupid, I should have kept driving, no one would have caught me!”

“Calm down, you're right, you did stop. It was the right thing to do but-”

“No! Fuck. I didn’t know. I didn’t know about the law, seriously. I’ve had that thing for years! Was the only thing my old man ever gave me, I have nothing else from them, they're both dead now and I have nothing, nothing!!”

Asuma hadn’t been listening to his raving, instead he was looking at the bruising all over Hidan’s stomach, “What the hell happened to you?”

“Got hit by a car last night…” Hidan took another drag and started coughing, maybe a cigarette wasn’t going to help him this time, but he didn’t put it out and kept smoking it.

“I didn’t see your name in any other police reports, didn’t they stop?”

“Oh yeah, fucker stopped, but I was fine after a few minutes.” Hidan shrugged, “No need to get any more pigs involved in my life than I already have.”

“I'll ignore that comment. I think you should see a doctor. And this, I have to report.” Asuma slipped the gun into his belt, “It’s true, you’ve behaved, but after last night, and now this, I can’t guarantee anything.”

“Fuck off, man.”

“I still need a urine sample before I do.”

“Asuma?” A small voice called. The two turned to see Naruto standing in the driveway next door, putting his bike away.

Asuma smiled and waved, “Oh, hi, Naruto, how’s it going?”

The boy shrugged, “Ok.”

“How’s my dad?”

“He’s good, do you want me to go get him?”

“No, no, I’m in a hurry.” Asuma said, “I have another appointment to get to.” He handed Hidan a cup inside of a bag, “Let’s go.”

It was humiliating, having to piss into a cup in front of someone, but Hidan did it, handed it over, and Asuma was gone. Once alone, Hidan decided that he needed a drink, and maybe some weed, so he went over to Deidara’s and banged on the door until he opened it.

“You alright? You’re really pale and sweaty, and what the hell is that?!” Deidara pointed at his stomach.

“Hit by a car last night. It’s nothing, people should stop asking about it. Let me in, I need a fucking drink.”

“It’s nothing?!”

“Yeah, nothing, I’m fine now. You gonna let me in?”

“Yeah, sure.” Deidara let him in and handed him a beer from the fridge, but Hidan had already gotten his bottle of Jack and was going to sit in the living room.

“It’s kinda early, isn’t it?” Glancing at his phone, it was was only 9:30 in the morning.

“No.” Hidan unscrewed the cap and took drank straight from the bottle, “My fucking PO searched my place...found a fucking gun.”

“You had a gun?”

Hidan shrugged, “Turns out...I wasn’t supposed to. Broke some law or some shit...Probably gonna end up back in jail…”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit. My parents are dead but they’re still fucking me over from their damned graves...” Hidan took another drink.

Deidara opened the beer he intended to give Hidan and started to drink it, “Why did you have a gun?”

“I don’t know, I’ve just had it…my dad gave it to me.”

“You weren’t going to use it on anyone, were you?”

Hidan swallowed the liquor, enjoying the burn as it went down, “I...no.”

“Hidan?”

“People have guns, Deidara! What’s with the twenty questions? I should have gotten rid of it, I never kept any of their shit. I was planning to...you know what, never fucking mind. You got any weed?”

“Hell yes.” Deidara went to his bedroom and came back with a container of weed and some papers and started rolling a joint, “I have just what you need, Hidan, I've been saving this one for a special occasion, it's one of the really good ones.”

“Excellent, fuck me up, Dei.” Hidan said, without any of his usual humor, which made Deidara stop what he was doing and look up at him.

“It’s bad, hm?”

Hidan just nodded as Deidara sealed the joint and lit it up.

 

Half way through the third joint, Deidara and Hidan were sprawled across the couch, each at opposite ends, their legs on top of each other, “Gimme it.” Hidan said, lifting his hand as Deidara held it out without moving forward, “Can’t reach…can’t move...”

Deidara, who had not been drinking the way Hidan had, sat up and leaned forward, “Open that mouth of yours, Hidan.”

Hidan raised a brow but did as he was told and Deidara put the joint in his mouth for him, then started to lean back, dragging his hand down Hidan’s chest watching as Hidan sucked in a breath.

“This looks wild. It’s the color of a berry...” Deidara said, looking at the bruise, “What’s that? Look almost like...a Ford logo? So classy. I wonder...” He leaned forward, his face inches from Hidan’s stomach, and then he licked.

Hidan gronaed, “Dei…what’re you doin’?”

“Shh...thought it might taste like strawberries…” Deidara ran his tongue over Hidan’s stomach again, hot and wet.

“I do not taste like...strawberries…” Hidan gasped, his dick growing hard, “Oh shit, Deidara...you wanna fuck?”

Deidara looked up, but didn’t answer.

“Deidara.” Hidan’s voice was rough and low.

“Yeah?”

“You uhm…” Hidan swallowed, watching as Deidara licked his lips, “I asked you something. You wanna fuck?”

Deidara flushed deeply as heat pooled low in his belly.

“It’s just sex though.” Hidan clarified, “We’re not like going to be boyfriends. You know I want Kakuzu, right? But, I really wanna fuck you right now, sometimes I...think about you. You ever think about me?”

“Yeah, yeah I do, hm.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hidan asked, confused, “I asked like..a bunch of different questions, I am way too stoned to know which one you're answering.”

The next thing Hidan knew Deidara was on his lap, straddling him, “What do you think it means, hm?”

“Oh.” Now it was Hidan’s turn to flush as Deidara took his shirt off, “Deidara...you look good on top of me, you’ll look even better riding my dick.”

“We’ll still be friends, right?”

“Of course we will, we could be fuck buddies, too.” Hidan told him as he unzipped his jeans and then reached up to pull Deidara's face down to his.

 

Kakuzu sat at his dining table that was used less for eating at and more for doing all his paperwork at, and went through the books, transfering money, checking bank balances and his stocks and investments. He then leaned back and thought about Rasa. The man was an asshole and clearly abusive towards his kids, but he had money and Kakuzu wanted some of it. So he called him, “Rasa, are you at home? I want to discuss what happened last night.”

"I’m at work. What do you want? That kid didn’t die or something did he?"

“No, he did not die, but I had to take him to the ER and he was admitted to the hospital.”

"Dammit." Kakuzu heard what must have been Rasa slamming his fist down on something.

“Yes, his injuries were extensive, as his bills are sure to be, and he has about as much money as you can imagine. He mentioned suing you.”

"What?! No! You tell him he doesn’t need to sue, I can take care of it, my company will cover it, don’t, just don’t get cops or lawyers involved!"

“I’ll talk to you later, the hospital is calling, I hope he hasn’t died.”

Kakuzu hung up, getting money out of Rasa would be as easy as he thought, he would have to thank Hidan for his idiocy, but later, and probably never because Kakuzu wanted as little contact with him as possible. After scrolling through his contacts, he found the one he wanted, Dr. Tsunade Senju.

“How would you like to make some money?” He asked when she answered.

“Kakuzu, straight to the point, as always, I like it, you don't waste my time. Alright, what do you want?”

“I want you to make me a bill for an emergency room visit due to being hit by a car. Internal injuries, concussion, a few nights hospital stay, make it expensive but believable.”

She laughed loudly into the phone, “I don’t run an emergency room! This is a general practice.”

“I am aware, but I need it. A favor, Tsunade?”

Tsunade 'hmm'd' and then asked, “What are up to, Kakuzu?”

“Are you going to do it or not?” 

“For a price, I want a quarter of whatever you’re making off this.”

“I’ll be making whatever the total of that bill comes out to be.”

He heard Tsunade as she called out, “Shizune! I need you to write me up a bill!”

“Yes, Tsunade! What is the patient's name?”

“His name is Hidan.”

“Hidan what?” Tsunade demanded, “I need a last name!”

“He doesn’t have one, he had it legally removed.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. He’s like Cher.”

Tsunade snorted, “Alright, text me all his information, I’ll have it done by the time I close, we can meet tonight. The usual spot.”

“Good.” Kakuzu hung up and sent Hidan’s information to her and then his eyes traveled over to his bookcases, packed full of old books he collected. He leaned towards it and chose one at random to look through. A quick glance at the cover and it looked like an unassuming organic cookbook, titled: ‘Natural Harvest’. But after flipping through it and reading one of the recipes, and then another just to be sure, Kakuzu quickly realized it was not something he was interested in cooking at all, ever, and tossed it back on the shelf and went to wash his hands, several times. Then he decided to take care of some maintenance in the laundry room before it become too complicated and he had to call someone out to fix it, he would still send an invoice to Konan and Pein though.

 

Hidan had Deidara face down on the couch and was laying on top of him, one arm around his throat, putting just enough pressure to restrict his breathing just a bit, “How’s that?” Hidan breathed, “You like it?”

“Yes…” Deidara hissed, pushing himself against Hidan, “Fuck me already, come on, hm! Or are you too stoned to remember how, because this foreplay has gone on for a while now. I'm telling you, I'm ready.”

  
“Just wait…I know what I’m doing.” Hidan pushed a third finger into him, making him pant and groan, “Oh yeah, you like this, fuck, Deidara...So pretty…so hot...” He pushed the curtain of blond hair away from Deidara’s face and kissed him, nipping at soft lips before pushing his tongue into Deidara’s mouth, hot, wet and tasting like weed and fruit loops cereal.

Suddenly Deidara pulled away, “Hidan, please!”

Hidan laughed, almost cruel, “Beg me.” He whispered, and moved to run his tongue down the back of Deidara’s neck, curling his fingers inside of him.

  
Bucking against him, Deidara cried out, “I've been begging, Hidan! Come on, hm! Fuck me, fuck me right now!”

“With pleasure.” Hidan pulled his fingers out and with no warning pushed himself deep inside with a growl, “Oh shit that’s good! Deidara...you feel so good.”

“Fuck.” Deidara gasped, “Oh fuck, Hidan.”

Hidan laughed, “Yeah, that’s what I’m doing aren’t I? Can’t you tell?”

“Oh my god, Hidan...you are so stoned.”

“I’m pretty hard, yeah.”

Several moments passed and Deidara lifted his head and looked over his shoulder at Hidan who looked totally blissed out, “Can you...ah, move and like, I don't know, actually fuck me?” 

"That's what I'm doin'." Hidan was laying across him, with all of his weight, and not moving at all, and Deidara was desperate for him to get on with it already, he had, more than a few times, thought about what it would be like if he had sex with Hidan and this had not quite been what he imagined, at all.

"Um, no, Hidan, you're just laying on me with your dick in my ass. This isn't exactly what I had in mind when you said you wanted to fuck me."  
  
"No? Tell me what you want then, cause I can't really think." He reached across and grabbed for the bottle of Jack and took a swig, some of it spilling down the side of his mouth onto Deidara's back and he reached down and licked it up.

"I want you to fuck me, hard." Deidara told him.

“Whatever you say, I hope you can handle it.” Hidan started to move, slowly pulling himself out before slamming back in so hard Deidara shouted at him, “What?” Hidan said, “You told me to. Hmm...maybe it would be better another way…Yeah, yeah, I have an idea.”

 

Kakuzu was walking past Deidara’s trailer when he heard Deidara shouting Hidan’s name. He paused, and heard A very loud, “Oh fuck!!” from Hidan. It was obvious what they were doing, and Kakuzu did not like what he felt about it, but he did not have much time to think about that because out of nowhere a foot hit the window, followed by a shout and obnoxious, almost insane, laughter, and Kakuzu walked away, continuing to the laundry room, wondering whose foot it was, deciding it was most likely Deidara’s and that he was lucky he hadn’t broken the window.

 

Hidan was on his knees and leaning against the back of the couch with Deidara’s legs up over his shoulders, his hands gripping his hips so hard there were already bruised. Pulling him as close as he could, Deidara let out a shout and his foot hit the window behind the couch, Hidan shouted in surprise and both stopped moving and started laughing, Hidan falling forward, his head on Deidara’s chest.

“You going to finally fuck me, Hidan, or just sit there and laugh?” Deidara asked, pushing Hidan’s messed up hair from his face.

Hidan pulled himself out and Deidara whined at the loss, “Can we go to the bed? I feel kinda weird...I wanna lay down.”

Deidara nodded and the next thing he knew they were on his bed, Hidan on his back and Deidara easing himself down onto him.

“Oh yeah, Deidara, that feels so fucking good…” Hidan groaned, putting his arms above his head and relaxing, “Oh yeah, you do the work, I’m just gonna enjoy it.”

Deidara started to move, sliding up and down, faster and faster, arching his back as Hidan’s hips came up to meet him.

And then HIdan grabbed Deidara and kept him from moving, “Whoa, whoa, slow the fuck down...the room is spinning…”

“Touch me, I’m so close.” Deidara grabbed Hidan’s hand from his hip and wrapped it around his painfully hard erection.

Hidan came first with a groan, seeing stars and passing out halfway through his orgasm. Deidara felt him go limp under him and pushed Hidan’s hand away from his dick, finishing himself on his own and coming all over Hidan’s stomach and chest, then smearing it in with a satisfied grin, knowing it would be all dried and crusty by the time Hidan woke up.

"That'll teach you to pass out on me." Deidara muttered to himself as he laid down alongside Hidan for a few minutes. He was irritated to say the least, it had really not been what he had imagined it would be like, but he had also never seen Hidan so stoned or drunk before. Whatever the visit with his parole officer had been like, it hadn't been good and while the sex hadn't been ideal, it wasn't awful, and considering the situation, Deidara couldn't stay mad at Hidan. But he could be petty, and saw he had hit Hidan's face as well with his cum, so he took his finger and smeared it around on Hidan's face and lips. With that, Deidara got up and went to shower and clean up, then he decided to work on some art he had been thinking about for a while. 

 

“Kakuzu.” Tsunade greeted him at the bar as she sat down.

He inclined his head but said nothing.

“I have what you wanted. As I said, a quarter of this is mine.”

“You must be in dire need of money, you didn’t need any convincing.”

Tsunade looked away, “I may have lost a rather large bet and need to pay off a debt.”

Kakuzu motioned for the bartender to get him another drink and one for Tsunade as well. “You should stop gambling, you’d have more money.”

“And you would have had to do a lot more convincing than you did.”

They drank in silence until finally Kakuzu said, “Let me see it.”

A packet of papers folded into thirds was placed in his hands and he opened them, eyes scanning each page carefully, it looked just like a real hospital bill.

“It’s as official as it can be.” Tsunade told him, “I am a doctor after all, my patients get the same thing.”

Kakuzu’s eyes ran over the numbers, procedures, until he reached the bottom, a slow smile curving his lips up.

“You like it. It’s what it would actually cost someone with no insurance.” Tsunade grinned.

“Oh yes, I like it.” He looked up at her, “I think I need to buy you another drink.”

 

Kakuzu hadn’t seen Hidan at all for a few days, and hoped Rasa hadn’t either. He walked over to his trailer and knocked on the door.

The blonde girl answered, “Yes?” She asked.

“Is your father at home? I need to speak with him.” Kakuzu knew he was, his car was there.

“Yes, hold on.” She closed the door only part way and Kakuzu heard the boys shouting at each other.

“Get that thing out of here!”

“It’s my pet!”

“It’s a monster! It bit me!”

“Because it doesn’t like you!”

“I don’t care, I don’t like it or you!”

“Gaara!” Rasa shouted, “Stop fighting with your brother and get that animal out of here! I don’t know where you got it from or how, but take it back!”

 

A moment later the door opened and Rasa stood there in a black long sleeved t-shirt and black jeans, “Kakuzu, what is it?”

“You know what it is.” He handed over the papers Tsunade had given him.

Unfolding them, Rasa said, “A bill…?”

“You said you were going to pay. Hidan is broke, he can’t afford this.”

“He walked right in front of me!”

“You were speeding, thirty five, forty miles per hour, you know the speed limit here is fifteen. But, if you’re not willing to pay, after saying you would, I suppose I’ll just have to let Hidan know, and he will sue.”

“Come in.” Rasa growled, stepping aside.

“You haven’t paid a pet deposit, if you’re planning on keeping that thing, whatever it is.” Kakuzu said as he walked in and saw Gaara, the youngest of the three kids and the only one unfortunate enough to get stuck with Rasa’s red hair, holding what at first looked like a cat, but it was huge and had very long legs, spotted like some leopard, "Is that even legal?"

“It’s a cat.” Rasa said, “Supposedly.”

“Pay the pet deposit or I’ll fine you.”

“Gaara…” Rasa warned, "I told you you weren't going to get to keep it!"

“I’m not getting rid of Shukaku.” Gaara told him, defiant, though his voice wavered.

“You’re a lot of trouble, you know that?” Rasa said, “Fine. Keep the damn thing, but if it attacks me one more time, I’ll kill it.”

Gaara glared hard at Rasa and then turned down the hall to his bedroom.

“What the hell kind of cat is that?” Kakuzu asked.

“He said it’s a savannah cat.” Temari answered, “We don’t know where or how he got it…” She shrugged.

“Temari, go to your room, I need to discuss some business with Mr. Kakuzu.” Rasa told her as he sat down at his table, “Sit.”

Kakuzu did not like being told what to do, and so he stood, making sure he loomed over Rasa who looked up at him.

“Sit down so we can discuss this.”

“I don't need to sit and what is there to discuss? You committed a hit and run last night, and Hidan almost died.” Possibly had actually died, Kakuzu thought, and would have stayed dead if Rasa hadn’t interfered, he knew how to take a pulse and he knew Hidan had not had a pulse at all, “He’s spent the last several days in the hospital. They even had to perform surgery to stop the internal bleeding.”

“Surgery?!” Rasa read over the charges, “Dammit! He was fine, he was-”

Kakuzu bent down, “You ran a man down with your car, I watched you do it, and your own daughter was a witness to it, she was in the car with you when it happened, I wonder who else saw. You did not call the police, that is a hit and run. It's a felony. He has extensive bills now, that he cannot possibly pay. You told me you would pay them, to not get the cops involved. I wonder, Rasa Sabaku, what the cops would find on you if they started an investigation.” Kakuzu stood back up, crossing his arms, “I know a very good lawyer, better than anything you’ll find, you’ll end up paying far more than this if I get him involved, and you'd face jail time.”

Rasa was silent for several minutes, mulling it over, it would just be better to pay up he decided, “Alright, fine. But I can’t pay all this at once, that’s impossible.”

“Understandable.” Kakuzu nodded, “We can break it up into monthly payments over the course of the year.” He was smart enough to know better than to push it, make it as easy as possible for Rasa to pay up so he wouldn't get angry or give a hard time.

“Yeah, that’ll work.” Rasa ran his hands through his already messy hair, “This is all Gaara’s fault...him and that stupid animal…I ought to...”

“Ah, that reminds me," not that Kakuzu would forget that someone owed him money, "the animal. You’re going to owe a pet deposit. Two hundred dollars. I’ll take it now.”

“A cat fee is only one hundred.” Rasa said.

“That cat is as big as a dog and can and probably has done some damage already.”

“Some dogs are smaller than cats.”

“Two hundred, don't forget that I could fine you. How long have you had it? Should I ask your kid, Gaara, right? Not that I can forget him and all the damage he's done around here.” 

They glared at each other for several minutes, Kakuzu was not backing down, and finally Rasa went into his bedroom and returned with two hundred dollars in cash. After carefully counting the money Kakuzu folded it up and tucked it away in his pocket, “You’ll stay away from Hidan, he was very upset over what happened, traumatized even.” So traumatized he was up early the next morning fucking Deidara. There it was again, that feeling that was definitely not jealousy, he should he glad Hidan was with Deidara now, thankful even, and he was. He really was.

Rasa said nothing, and showed Kakuzu to the door.

“I appreciate you being so reasonable.” Kakuzu said, “It could have been much more unpleasant.” He left the double wide trailer and walked home, a satisfied look on his face, the official pet deposit was only seventy five dollars, and soon he’d have the first payment for Hidan’s non-existent hospital bills.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts right after Deidara leaves Hidan in bed after their terrible sex and he makes art, has an encounter with Kakuzu, and meets a creepy neighbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thatshipcat for your help and suggestions on this, it helped a lot!! :D :D You are the best!!
> 
> This chapter took me a while, I don't know why, I just wasn't happy with it, but it will take forever if I keep editing it, and I am kind of tired of this chapter so I hope it's not terrible or anything. It might be the timeline bothering me, since the last chapter ended a couple days after Hidan and Deidara had sex, but this one takes place on that day. I hope it's not confusing or weird. Thank you for reading, kudos and comments! :D

Deidara was tired of listening to Hidan snore so he shut the door to his art room and put on some headphones while working on his latest project. He had the best idea, the idea that was going to make people remember his art: fireworks inside of his little clay birds and spiders, that look like candles but you get the surprise of a lifetime when they suddenly blow up! He laughed to himself, they were going to be great! People might lose a hand, or homes might burn down, maybe someone would even die, but to die for art, especially his, would be the best way to go, Deidara thought.

His phone gave a notification and he saw it was an email from some business he left a bad review for on Yelp and deleted it as a sudden snore broke through the song playing on his phone, and he grit his teeth. He hated the sound of snoring and was suddenly pissed at Hidan for how bad the sex was and him passing out, and decided that he was going to make Hidan regret being so bad in bed. He set up a business account for Yelp and then registered Hidan’s trailer as a strip club, ‘Hidan’s Strip Club Plus More XXX’ and then he added a picture of Hidan to the account, making sure it was one where he was drunk, had a cigarette in hand and looked a bit sleazy, then logged back in on his personal account and left the first review, one star:

‘If I could give this place no stars, I would. I came here, (get it, came? Yeah, did that too but it wasn’t worth it) and was promised a good time by the owner, Hidan, and he may look really hot, he is actually total shit in bed. 0/10 do not recommend, spend your money elsewhere! Stay away! I probably need to get checked for STD’s now, very sleazy and trashy place. What was I thinking?’

Hidan slept through the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, and since Deidara needed to get some laundry done so he would have clean clothes for school, he grabbed his laundry basket, saw Hidan’s jeans and boxers on the floo, threw them in with his clothes and left.

As he walked into the laundry room, he saw Kakuzu, working on fixing one of the machines, he looked up, “Hit and Run.”

“Mr. Kakuzu.”

“Didn’t have the cops called on you today?”

“Not today, no.”

“Well, it’s still early, plenty of time left in the day for you and Hidan to do something and get arrested.” Kakuzu said and went back to work, “How is Hidan?”

Deidara choked on his own spit, “He’s terrible, honestly.”

Kakuzu hid a smirk as he bent down to reattach a hose to the wall, “As I expected.”

Deidara dumped all of his clothes, along with Hidan’s into the washer and added what looked to be the right amount of detergent and put the coins in, “So, you do lots of maintenance work, huh?”

“Yes, Hit and Run, I do, it saves money.” It actually makes him money but he wasn’t going to say that, it was his scam and after all these years no one knew, no one had figured it out and he was going to keep it that way, besides why shouldn’t he get paid to do this stuff, they would just pay someone else, Kakuzu didn’t do anything for free and the money Pein and Konan paid him wasn’t enough for all the shit he had to deal with in his opinion, “Why? Oh, don’t tell me, you have a leaky faucet and want me to come over and fix it?”

“No, I don't have any leaks or anything, I'm just...making conversation, hm.”

“Well don’t. I don’t want to make conversation with you.” Kakuzu stood up and pushed unlocked the coin slot to remove three quarters and then locked it back up and put them in the slots and turned the machine on, water didn’t spray all over, so he shut it off, pushed it back into place and then went around collecting the money from all the machines, taking one last look at Deidara before leaving.

“I bet he’d make conversation with Hidan…” Deidara muttered to himself, then he smiled, putting his hands on his hips and said, “Well, whatever, I fucked Hidan, and while it wasn’t the greatest, Kakuzu did not, so ha! Take that, old man! And I'm going to fuck him again and again, yeah!”

“Who are you talking to?”

Deidara jumped and turned around to see a short red head behind him sipping a bright pink boba tea through a straw, “None of your fucking business, you creep! You always sneak up behind people like that? Who the hell are you anyways?!”

“Sounds like drama in the trailer park, this place sure is full of it.” The short man said as he went over to a dryer and started getting clothes out, “And yes, I do like to sneak up on people, you hear such very interesting things that way. So, you and that new guy, huh? Interesting. I'm Sasori, by the way, we've never met before.”

“You better mind your own business or the drama is going to include your short ass leaving here in an ambulance!”

“I’m not short.” Sasori shut the dryer and Deidara hoped he wasn’t going to stay and fold his clothes there. He hated people who did that, just take your shit and leave, Deidara thought. 

“Oh yeah? Well you’re shorter than me.”

“Maybe you’re just abnormally tall.”

Deidara rolled his eyes and looked away, he didn’t consider himself tall, Kakuzu was tall, Hidan was tall, and there was some other hugely tall guy living somewhere around here, Deidara was just average, but this guy, he was really short and Deidara loved that he could look down at him, “You’re a creep, you know that?”

“I’ve been told before, brat, and I don’t really mind.”

Deidara was glad when he left, and he took out his phone to check out Yelp and see where he could talk Hidan into going with him sometime, of course it wouldn’t be a date, but they were still friends and friends went places together.

 

Hidan was up by the time Deidara got back, staggering out of the bathroom, looking like death warmed over, “What the fuck did you do to me? Is this your cum?! It’s fucking disgusting! It was on my lips, they were dried shut, I was sick and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to fucking open my mouth and-”

“Ok, stop right there, Hidan, that’s disgusting and I really don’t want to hear whatever it was you were going to say. You better not have made a mess anywhere.” Deidara shuddered and walked past him, he was still completely naked and stunk horribly, “Drink some water and take a shower because you stink, then we'll talk, hm.”

“Can...you get it for me? The water. I really don’t feel good...” He held onto the doorway for support and made a sad pouting face.

Deidara sighed, feeling sorry for him, “Fine…”

 

While Hidan spent a ridiculous amount of time in his bathroom taking a shower, Deidara checked on his art that was still drying, he would take them to school with him in the morning, they would be glorious and he giggled as he thought about people discovering his art.

Finally Hidan emerged from the bathroom looking a bit better, “So, we had sex.” Hidan said, sitting down on the couch, rubbing his wet hair with a towel and then dropping it on the cushion next to him.

“Um, yeah, what gave it away?”

“Well, waking up naked in your bed covered in your dried up, nasty, crusty cum for one thing. Don't do that to me again.”

“Do you even remember any of it?”

“Yeah, of course, it was great. Deidara, you were amazing, so was I.”

At that, Deidara laughed loudly and Hidan’s face turned bright red, “Shut up, bitch! It was good! It must have been, you came all over me!”

“Yeah, about that, next time, don’t fucking pass out!” Deidara yelled at him, “ _If_ there is a next time!”

“What do you mean, if? Of course there’ll be a next time. I won’t be drunk and stoned out of my mind...I promise. I know, it wasn’t...the best, but...it wasn’t that bad, was it? I remember it being pretty good.”

“There were good parts, I suppose, not many, really, Hidan! You said you were going to fuck me hard and then you literally laid on top of me and didn’t move!”

Hidan looked away, rubbing the back of his neck, “Yeah...I was fucked up, like seriously fucked up. Still am, can you like, not shout...I think I can see sound. Look, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week. How would you like that?”

“I’m not sure I’d like that very much, but yeah, you’re definitely making it up to me. Here, drink some water.” He pushed a glass of water down the coffee table towards Hidan, “You look shitty. Drink.”

Hidan picked up the glass and sipped it, he felt shitty, and then remembered what made him so upset in the first place, “Dammit!” He slammed the glass down, spilling half the water all over the table.

“What?!” Deidara jumped back.

“My fucking PO! That’s what!”

“Yeah, about that, Hidan...calm down. Don’t you think it’s odd that he didn’t arrest you right away, or that no one has come looking for you to arrest you today? If you had broken the law, which apparently you did, he would have had to take you in then and there, right?”

“And?”

“And he didn’t.”

“So?”

“Think for a minute! Maybe he’s not going to! Maybe he's not as much of an asshole as you make him out to be!”

Hidan shook his head, “They're all assholes and they can all rot in hell! He said he had another appointment to get to, maybe just forgot. But no, I know, he's not going to forget.”

“Look, all I’m saying is maybe he’s not going to report it, you should stop calling him a fucking pig to his face, and shouting how you fucking hate him. Maybe he wants to help you for some reason.”

“How about no, out of all the reasons not to take me in, it's not to help me out of the goodness of his fucking pigs heart. You don't know, Deidara, what they can do to you, what they did to me in there.”

"What did they do to you?" Deidara asked, hoping Hidan might answer him, he had never said much of anything about his time in prison.

"Don't fucking worry about it." 

“Well maybe I do...anyways, look, Hidan, my man, you need to relax, I don't think he's going to do anything, hm.”

Hidan looked over Deidara, he didn't know what Hidan knew, he hadn't been in that prison, every cellmate he ever had was dead, he was the only one who survived, and he wasn't going to go back.

Deidara kept talking, “I’ve watched that Cops show, they always just arrest people, right then and there, in their front yard,s barefoot in their underwear. Hey, have you even eat anything today?”

“I don’t think I did…”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised, alright, get up, I want nachos. I’ll drive-”

Hidan grabbed the keys from the table, “I don’t fucking think so. I’ll drive.”

“You’re not on my insurance.”

“So? It’s like a block away, what can go wrong?”

“I think you’re still drunk and high, that’s what.” Deidara fought him for the keys and won, “I won’t crash into the window this time,” he pushed Hidan out the door, “now get in my car and don’t puke.”

"Then drive like a sane person and I won't, because let me tell you, Deidara, I might if you drive like you normally do. I just might anyways, I'm really not feeling good, maybe I should just stay here."  
  
"You need something to eat. Go get in the car." 

 

They got their 7-11 nachos without incident, leaving the store just as Deidara saw Sasori from the laundry room walk past, sipping a purple boba this time, he looked up at them with intent brown eyes, watching them before going into the store.

“Who the fuck was that creep with that stupid ass drink?” Hidan asked as they got back in the car, “Why was he looking at us like that?”

“I saw him in the laundry room earlier today.” Deidara said, “He must be one of our neighbors, he's a creep, name's Sasori. Anyways, let’s go eat these in the park, yeah? You could use some fresh air. You don't like boba?”

"No, I don't like drinks you need a special straw to suck up big blobs of chewy crap." Hidan said and shuddered, "It's creepy. Like him." 

 

Deidara almost ran over a squirrel as he turned into the parks parking lot, “Watch it!” Hidan shouted, “There was an animal!”

“It was committing a suicide!” Deidara shouted back at him, “You’re making me nervous, stop shouting at me!”

“Damn...get some drivers training…”

They walked into the park and sat under a tree to eat, Hidan finished his and started stealing chips from Deidara, who shouted at him to stop, “These are mine! You had your own!”

“But I’m really fucking hungry!”

Deidara sighed and held his nachos out to Hidan, “Fine, just don’t take too many, I’m hungry too.”

Hidan took a chip and popped it into his mouth, “Can I tell you something? Like, promise not to freak out.”

Deidara did not like the sound of that, nothing good ever followed those words. Thoughts of Hidan confessing he had an STD, or that he regretted earlier, or that he was a serial killer ran through his mind, and Deidara heard himself saying, “Alright…I won't freak out, what is it?” 

“I died last night.”

Deidara stopped chewing, of all the things he expected Hidan to say, that was not it, “What?”

“When the car hit me, I died. It’s happened before, that’s not the first time.”

“That’s not possible, Hidan, maybe a near death experience, but to actually die? No way, hm.”

“I know what happened!” Hidan said, “And look.” He pulled his shirt up and the bruise had almost all faded, “Is that normal?”

“Well...not really, no, but...come on, Hidan, how could you die and come back?”

Hidan looked around, making sure no one was around, “When I was in prison, they…did things to me.”

 "Did they rape you?" Deidara asked quietly.   
  
"They did some experiments and shit."

"Like...torture?"  
  
"Might as well have been. I'm the only one who survived it. I woke up to dead cellmates all the time. Whatever they did to me, it's made it so I can't die." 

Deidara rubbed his arms that were covered in goosebumps, “Can we change the subject. You’re freaking me out.”

“You said you wouldn't freak out.”

“Can’t help it. Besides, this isn't the place to talk about something like that hm. What if people over hear you?” He stuffed a few chips into his mouth, smearing cheese on his lips, and Hidan watched as Deidara licked some cheese away, but he had left some on the corner of his mouth.

 

“I wish I could remember half of what I did to you this morning...” Hidan sighed.

“I’m glad you can’t.” Deidara said, wiping his hands on a napkin and lighting a cigarette, “Fucking sucked.”

“Did I really suck?”

“Hidan, do you really want to know how bad it was?” Deidara laughed, "Because I'll tell you and you'll die of shame!"

“Not really, no and I'd like to just go home, I'm really fucking tired.”

It was getting dark and the park would close soon, Deidara didn't want his car locked up in the parking lot and miss his classes so he nodded, "Yeah, let's go." 

 

As they gathered their trash, Hidan asked, "Can I spend the night with you at least? I'll sleep on the couch."  
  
With a nod, Deidara said, "Yeah, sure, whatever, I have class in the morning though. And you don't have to sleep on the couch. You've always shared the bed with me before." 

"Yeah, that's when we've fallen asleep watching shit on your laptop."

"It's fine, let's go." 

They got up and threw away their trash and hurried back to the car, and drove back to the trailer park, Deidara only running over the curb once as they turned out of the park. As they drove up in front of Deidara's trailer, he honked at his neighbor's kid who was riding his skateboard down from his driveway since there was a slight slope, and then parked, "Go ride that thing somewhere else, I'm not paying if you get hurt over here and try suing again!" 

The boy flipped him off and ran off with his dog. 

Deidara gave Hidan an extra toothbrush from under the sink and let him get ready for bed while he went to check his sculptures and pack them up for the morning. 

Unable to sleep, Hidan lay on his side, facing the door, wishing he hadn't said anything to Deidara. He never told anyone about it before, but something made him want to tell him. The room was dark and warm, Deidara refused to run the air conditioner at night, the window was open and he heard someone yelling at some kids that were screaming in the street. There was a gun shot somewhere, or some fireworks, it was hard to tell sometimes. Hidan closed his eyes, listening to the clink of clay as Deidara got his things ready to go in the morning, he was talking quietly to himself, something about art being a bang, and how this would make a really big bang. 

Finally the light went off and Deidara made his way into the bedroom and took off his clothes, leaving his boxers on, "You're still awake."

"Yeah."  
  
"Thought you were exhausted."  
  
"I am."  
  
Without another word, Deidara got in bed and laid on his back, "Hidan?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Goodnight." 

"Yeah, goodnight. I'm not gonna give you a kiss or anything though." 

When Deidara's alarm went off in the morning, he shut it off as Hidan mumbled something in his sleep and rolled over onto his back into the center of the bed and pulled the sheet up over his shoulders while Deidara got ready and left for school, so excited he didn't see the neighbor kid's skateboard and ran over it, breaking it in half. 


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan makes a new friend, Deidara’s art didn’t go as planned, and Kakuzu gets unwanted visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this takes me so long to update, I've been really busy and sometimes get distracted by other things to write, but hopefully with summer here I'll be able to update more often, I'd like to try to once a week, especially since I'm getting to the stuff that's been written for a while now. Thanks for reading and I love reading your comments, I want to print them out and keep them in a book to look back fondly on in dark times.  
> 

Hidan woke up around ten, not knowing where he was at first, then remembered sleeping at Deidara’s. He called his boss to ask for a couple days off, “Oh no, Hidan is sick?! Hidan, is never sick, will he be alright?! Does Hidan need anything?!”

HAving to hold the phone away from his ear because his boss was shouting into it, Hidan muttered to himself, “Great, I have to talk to Tobi...I can’t deal with his shit right now…”

A moment later he heard a much calmer, and deeper voice, “Sorry, I was surprised is all. Is it serious? You’ll be alright, won’t you? You’re a favorite around here.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, Obito, I got sick days, right? I’ve never used any so I wouldn’t know.”

“Yes, you get sick days. You’re actually sick, aren’t you?” There was an edge to Obito’s voice, “You’re not just hungover?”

“No, I’m not just hungover, I got hit by a car.” He knew he was hungover, but it felt like more than that.

“HIT BY A CAR?!” Tobi shouted into the phone and Hidan cursed loudly, he could imagine Tobi flailing his arms about.

“My fucking eardrums, Tobi! I’m gonna go deaf and won’t be able to work ever again!”

Obito cleared his throat, “Alright, Hidan, I’ll get Zetsu to fill in for you, he’ll be happy for the extra hours, and money. Feel better soon, Hidan, you’re a favorite around here.” 

“Yeah, I’m aware of that, alright, I’ll be in on the weekend if I haven’t fucking died.” Hidan hung up with a groan, his head was pounding, and curled back into a ball in bed and went back to sleep until he heard someone on the porch and rolled over, waiting for them to knock but there was nothing, and his stomach growled, so he decided to get up and find something to eat and then went home. As he left Deidara’s trailer, he saw the stupid newsletter in the door and crumpled it into a ball, tossed it inside on the floor and locked up, not wanting anyone to try to rob Deidara’s clay or something and get blamed for it.

 

He had a newsletter at his own trailer and after he got inside and opened it, he saw a picture of him and Deidara at the pool with the cops, underneath was a url to the private youtube channel for the trailer park for anyone wanting to see the video, and then on another page a picture of Deidara in his car ‘Some people need to learn to stop at the stop signs’ and then something about a giant cat that terrorized someone’s kids and sent them to the hospital for rabies shots.  
A blurb about the washing machine finally being fixed, that it took too long and kids were turning it on and flooding the laundry room, that everyone should get a discount on next month's rent.

He looked through the rest of the newsletter, there was a picture of some dogs and a complaint about these being the specific dogs shitting all over the place and that if it did not stop they would be taken away by animal control, a somewhat threatening, ‘I know who you are, kid’. Hidan knew those dogs, too, they lived next door to Deidara.

Hidan crumpled the newsletter in his fist and threw it in the garbage, he hadn’t noticed anyone that night the cops came out, “Whoever this is, is probably some perv, what does he got cameras all over the place?”  

Yawning, Hidan couldn’t remember the last time he was so tired, and thought that maybe he was actually coming down with something, and closed his eyes, falling asleep on his couch.

 

When he woke up, he had no idea what day it was, or what time of the day it was. He sat up in a panic and grabbed his phone, trying to figure out how long he had slept, but the battery had died and he didn’t realize he slept until the next day until it recharged and turned back on. He had several missed calls and texts from Deidara, at first complaining about his art professor, how she didn’t understand real art, and something about a kiln and candles, Hidan just skimmed through them, he wasn’t interested in rants about art. Then the messages turned into asking where he was, why he was ignoring him, asking if he was ok, alive, did he die or something, did he get kidnapped. And the last one, sent at two in the morning, ‘are you ignoring me because we had sex?’

He texted back, ‘I fell asleep for like a whole day, my phone died, I wasn’t ignoring you’

Deidara replied immediately, ‘So you finally answer me! Are you sick or something?’

‘I don’t know, I need to eat, I’m starving’

‘Come over later, I have to tell you what happened at school’

 

He felt much better after eating and taking another shower, and then he went out to get some fresh air in nothing but his old worn out jeans, no shirt, as it was too hot for one and Hidan thought he was doing everyone a service by allowing them to see his body for free. Going down the steps from his porch, Hidan saw the kid next door sitting in the sun writing something in a notebook. His face was red and he was sweaty from the heat. About to walk away, Hidan kind of felt bad for the kid, what was wrong with him that he was just sitting there in the sun like that? “What the fuck are you doing? You wanna get heat stroke or some shit?”

“Huh?” The kid looked up, squinting his eyes in the sun.

“Yeah, already have.” Hidan muttered, “Get out of the fucking sun.” 

“I have homework to do.” The kid held up a notebook.

“Well go do it inside, or find some damn shade, why are you sitting in the sun?”

“I…got locked out...”

“Come with me, kid. You’re Naruto, right?” He had heard the old man yelling at the kid often enough to know his name without being introduced, and he had just moved in not long ago.

“Yeah.” Naruto smiled, “And you’re Hidan.”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“I know you from the newsletter! You got pepper sprayed the other night! What’d it feel like? Looked painful! You screamed really loud, too, you better believe it!!”

Of course everyone would have watched the video, “Hurt like a mother fucker.” 

“I hope I never get pepper sprayed! So, where are we going?”

“To see my friend, you can do your homework at his place, he has an actual air conditioner, I just have a shitty swamp cooler.” Then Hidan remembered it was summer which meant there shouldn’t be homework, “You must be in summer school, yeah?”

“Yeah, I failed a class last semester, the old man was so pissed.” Naruto told him, “I better not do that again…”

“It happens, just do your best, kid. Grades aren’t everything and they won't mean much once you're done with school.” 

“I try.” Naruto said.

“I believe you.” Hidan smiled, he liked this kid for some reason.

 

They walked up the steps to Deidara’s trailer and Hidan knocked a few times before the door opened.

“Hidan! I thought you died.” There was a smear of clay on his cheek and Hidan could see that his hands were covered in it when he waved his cigarette in his face.

“Nah, not this time, I’m alive, I brought my neighbor, he was sitting in the fucking sun doing homework, can you believe that, he probably has heat stroke.”

“Oh.” Deidara looked around Hidan to see Naruto holding his notebook, “I’ve seen you around, I’m Deidara.”

“I’m Naruto.”

“Well, come inside, I have the air on.” Deidara let them in and shut the door, waving the smoke from the air, “Should have told me you were bringing a kid, I wouldn’t be smoking.” He put his cigarette out in the seashell he was using as an ashtray.

“Sit down, kid, finish that homework.” Hidan said, “I need to talk to Deidara for a minute.” He pushed Deidara into the bedroom and shut the door. As soon as the door was closed, Hidan grabbed Deidara around the waist and pulled him against himself, kissing him hard, but instead of kissing him back, Deidara pushed him away.

“What the hell, Hidan? I’m not fucking you now, there’s a kid out there! This may be a trailerp ark but damn, have some decency!”

“I’m not doing anything, it was just a kiss, don’t you like kissing?”

“Yeah, but...we shouldn’t do that.”

“Naruto won’t know. Anyways, hey listen, I haven’t heard anything from the police station, maybe you were right, maybe he’s not going to report me.”

“Yeah, probably not.”

“But just in case, can you keep these here?” Hidan reached into his pocket and pulled out several large knives that were clearly not kitchen knives, “I don’t want to risk it.”

“What are those for?!” 

“Killing shit.”

Deidara groaned, “Hidan…”

“Oh yeah, Deidara, I like how you say my name.” Hidan moaned in an obscene manner, “Say it again, you’re gonna get me hard.”

“No, and stop that, you’re so crude, you know that?” Deidara pushed Hidan away and took the knives, “I’ll hide these, you go out with Naruto, I don’t want him getting into anything.” Deidara could just see the headlines, ‘Boy Gets Arms Blown Off In Previously Undiscovered Artists Home, Is He The Next Michelangelo?’ He wanted to get noticed, but not like that, his professor had refused to allow him to fire his sculptures, knowing it was not a candle, ‘Candle wicks don’t look like fuses, Deidara, you think I was born yesterday? I was born so long ago I can’t remember how long ago it was. I may be going senile but I know the difference between a candle and a fuse for explosives!’ Mrs. Chiyo had told him, then had the nerve to laugh at him, the old bag, Deidara was going to teach her about art someday, maybe blow her hip off, she complained about it enough. 

“Alright, thanks, Dei.” Hidan kissed him lightly on the lips, flicking his tongue out, “Mmm, you taste good, maybe later we can fuck and-”

“Get out!” Deidara shoved him out the door, whispering, “We’re not having sex today, and you need to stop kissing me because fuck buddies don’t do that.”

Hidan gave Deidara look but went back to the living room, “So what subject is this?” he asked as he sat down next to Naruto and looked over at his notebook.

“Math.”

“Oh, well, sorry, can’t help. Math wasn’t my best subject.”

“It’s ok.” Naruto worked out one of the math problems, then asked, “What was your best subject?”

“Well...um...probably P.E.” 

“That’s not even really a subject.” Deidara said as he walked out and sat down.

“Oh yeah? Well you failed P.E.”

“So what? I got A’s and B’s in everything else.”

“I got decent grades.”

“Because you copied my work half the time.”  


Deidara rolled his eyes and they watched Naruto do a couple of math problems, “I uh, took a couple days off work.” Hidan started, “You wanna hang out tonight or tomorrow night?”

With a shrug, Deidara nodded, “Yeah, sure.” He was looking at stuff on his phone, “What did you have in mind?”

Hidan rolled his eyes and gave a pointed look at the back of Naruto’s head before answering, “We could go for a swim or some shit.”

Giving a nod, Deidara tilted his head up and grinned at Hidan.

“What the hell is that look for?” Hidan asked.

“Yeah, I’d love a swim,” he paused, “or some shit, if said shit is going to be worthwhile.”

  


They fell silent and Hidan swung one leg up over the arm of the couch and enjoyed the cold air blowing on him and he wondered what Kakuzu was up to, he hadn’t seen him since the other night, “Did you see that newsletter crap?” 

“Yeah, we’re all over it, what a load of shit, hm. And my neighbor is the one with the stupid dogs.”

“Oh, yeah, that's Kiba.” Naruto said and laughed, “Yeah, he doesn’t clean up after them, he really should. Once,” Naruto started laughing, “His dog, the big one, Akamaru, took a huge dump in the middle of the road,” he had to pause to laugh, “and he didn't clean it up-"  
  
"I know what you're about to say!" Deidara shouted, "That was disgusting!"  
  
Narto tried to get himself under control but kept laughing, "- and the old man I live with ran over it, and it left a trail half way up the park to our trailer!” 

“That was you guys?! Ugh, it was completely disgusting!” Deidara shouted, "You're lucky you weren't here for that, Hidan!"

Hidan made a face, “Yeah, sounds fuckin’ nasty, when was that?”

“A couple months ago, when we had that heatwave.” Deidara said, “It stunk up the place, flies were everywhere until it dried up. So, enough talk about dog shit, Naruto, are you hungry?” Deidara asked.

“Not really but-” Naruto’s stomach growled loudly and he turned red.

Deidara didn’t say anything and went into the kitchen and got a box of crackers and some canned cheese, “Here, that’s healthy, right? Cheese and crackers?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Naruto had more fun than someone should as he sprayed cheese onto the crackers and did his homework. 

Hidan and Deidara watched as he ate the entire box of crackers and most of the can of cheese, “You want something else?” Hidan asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got some uh...macaroni and cheese I can make, hm.” 

“Oh, um, well, I’m still kinda hungry…but I don’t want to be a bother and-”

“How are you still hungry?” Hidan asked, “Doesn’t that old geezer feed you?”

Naruto didn’t say anything and Hidan and Deidara exchanged looks, “It’s not a problem, I’m hungry anyways, I’ll make something.” Deidara said and went into the kitchen to prepare the box of macaroni and cheese and decided to make two boxes because he was hungry and knew Hidan would eat a lot too.

 

Kakuzu met with Rasa to get the first installment of the payments that were for Hidan’s ‘medical treatment’, and was feeling rather pleased with himself as he walked home only to find Konan and Pein waiting for him on his porch. His good mood gone at the sight of them, they should call or text, but they never did, they just showed up unannounced and at any time of the day or night.

“Kakuzu.” Konan said as she pushed off the wide of the trailer as he approached.

“Konan.” 

“We have some questions for you, first, why are the police here so often lately?” Konan asked, pushing her blue hair behind her ear as she walked down to meet him.

“It’s a trailer park, that should explain it.” 

“Yes, we are aware that this is a trailer park, but the police have been here several times this month.” Pein said, still standing on the porch, “It’s a bit unusual, even for here.”

Kakuzu crossed his arms, it really was not all that unusual for the cops to come out several times a month, sometimes weekly, “What can I say? It’s a lively place.”

“Enough.” Pein said, motioning towards the front door, “Let’s take this inside.”

Kakuzu cursed Hidan and Deidara as he unlocked his door and quickly looked around inside, making sure his laptop was closed up and all his bookkeeping tucked away from prying eyes, and then let them in. He was always careful, never leaving anything to chance, but there was always that inkling of doubt that they had found out what he was doing.

“Tell me about the new tenant, Hidan, right?” Konan asked, “He is the one causing all the excitement around here, isn’t he?”

“Trailer trash.” Kakuzu said, “What else is there to say about a man like him? On parole for vehicular manslaughter and works at a strip club.”

Pein said nothing as he looked around the place, his eyes lingering on the bookshelf, table and notebooks.

“He’s the one who didn’t pay in full?” Konan asked, “The first rent, too, that’s not a good sign.”

“Yes, but he promised he would have everything by next month, otherwise…I could take care of him for you, if that’s what you want.” 

“You’ll make sure he pays up, give him a chance, let’s not be hasty, Kakuzu, he just moved in.” Pein said, “Give him a chance, we just don’t kick people out for things like that.”

“You don’t ‘just kick people out’ anyways, do you?” Kakuzu crossed his arms, “What are you really here for? You two just don’t show up because a new tenant is short on his rent or because the cops came out a few times. There was a time they were here nearly every day and you didn’t come investigate that.”

The three stood there, eyeing each other for several moments, before Pein said, “I have a job for you.”

“Of course you do.” Kakuzu knew they didn’t come for a chat about the police.

“Yes, I need you to take care of someone for me, at one of our other parks, never pays the rent and won’t leave, and has completely trashed the place.” Pein told him, “Here is all the information you need.” He handed Kakuzu a slip of paper.

“After the last time when I nearly got killed, you’ll have to pay double.”

“Double?” Konan repeated, “I don’t think so, we already pay a hefty amount, we’ll pay you…” she pretended to think about it, “Twenty percent more.”

“No.” Kakuzu answered, “Make it fifty percent.”

“Thirty.” Pein said.

“Forty five.” Kakuzu argued.

“Thirty and that’s all.” Konan said, “You’re a resourceful man, Kakuzu, I’m sure you can grow that money easily, you’re smart, aren’t you? If you really want, you can double that money in a month or so. I’m sure you’re very good with investments and stocks.”

At her words, Kakuzu felt his heart rate pick up, but kept his face neutral, there was no way she could know what he was doing, none at all. He was so very careful, they had never been inside his trailer without him, she couldn’t know, it had to just be a coincidence that she would say that, a guess or suggestion on her part.

“Are we done here?” Kakuzu asked.

After exchanging looks, Konan nodded.

“Oh, wait.” Kakuzu said, as if it were an afterthought, “the invoice from the washing machine repair man.” Kakuzu handed them a receipt he had forged.

“You’ll get it when you take care of that.” Pein motioned to the paper in Kakuzu’s hand, “Have a nice day, and do make sure to take care of that by the end of the month. I want to show that trailer soon.”

“Of course.” 

As soon as they left, Kakuzu locked his door and let out a breath, and then decided he was going to go down to the hardware store and buy new locks, he had a feeling they knew something.

 

Hidan walked Naruto home after Deidara had made them macaroni and cheese and then checked Naruto’s homework, helping with the problems he had gotten wrong, “Thanks, Hidan!” Naruto smiled, “Could I maybe...come do my homework with you next time I’m locked out?”

“Yeah, sure, as long as I’m home, but I work nights, so I’m almost always home during the day, I'm usually up by eleven.”

“Thanks!” 

“What a cute fuckin’ kid.” Hidan said to himself as he walked up to his door and went in, relieved that another day had passed without any news from his parole officer, and then heard the old man yelling at Naruto.

  
“Where have you been all day?!” 

“I was doing my homework at-”

“Get inside, I don’t want to hear your cockamamie stories! I wanted to go to bed, but no, I had to stay up and wait for you to get back, go get ready for bed!”  
  
“Hey!” Hidan yelled from his porch, “You can’t talk to him like that!” 

“Mind your own business, and pu a shirt on! I can talk to him however I want, I’m trying to raise him to be better than trailer trash like you.” The old man slammed the door shut and Hidan stood there, wanting to go over and punch the old man in the face, but he didn’t want to make things worse for Naruto, so he kicked at the broken planter instead before going inside. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu cleans Hidan's drains and then Hidan and Deidara take Naruto to Walmart for shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, if you read it and liked it, I would love to hear from you. And yes there will be KakuHida, but that will take some time, they need to really warm up to each other first.  
> I really do try to update more often but it seems there is always something that comes up, I'm sorry, but I do try. There was supposed to be several pages of smut for this chapter but I took it out because it was holding up the rest of the chapter, sorry. Maybe I'll put it in the next chapter. I'm getting closer to some of the stuff that's been written for many months now so I hope once I get to that, updates will be faster.

Much to Kakuzu’s annoyance Hidan did not give up on trying to seduce him or trying to get him to take him out on a date just because he was sleeping with Deidara.

“It stinks like a dead animal in here, what did you do?” Kakuzu demanded when he stepped into Hidan’s trailer. The smell hit him in the face and he covered his nose and mouth with his hand.

“I told you already," Hidan sighed, "there’s a problem with the sink in the kitchen.”

"Fine. Let's see it then." Kakuzu walked into the kitchen and was glad the window over the sink was open, it really did smell like something died, or was killed.

“The garbage disposal isn’t working and the water doesn’t drain. Shit must be clogged up.”

“And have you tried reaching in there to see if there is something blocking it?”

Hidan made a disgusted face, “Gross! I’m not shoving my hand down there, fuck! That’s nasty. You do it.”

Kakuzu looked around for gloves but didn’t find any, “No gloves?”

Hidan gave him a confused look, “For what?”

“You want me to stick my bare hand in there?”

This only made Hidan grin, “Oh yeah, don’t worry Kuzu, it’s clean, stick that big hand down there and feel around my pipes.”

Kakuzu wanted to punch Hidan in his stupid face, “Did you call me over here to fix something or to sexually harass me?” Kakuzu asked as he turned around and held his breath as he stuck his hand down the drain and felt around.

Hidan, shirtless as usual, stood closer than necessary to where they were almost touching and Kakuzu could actually feel the body heat coming off Hidan and wanted to shove him away but there was no room in the small kitchen. Hidan kept looking at his arms, at his face, his neck. Kakuzu was pretty sure he saw him lick his lips at one point.

“I’m not harassing you, the fucking sink won’t drain.”

“Well maybe if you wouldn’t send everything down it, it wouldn't get clogged up.” Kakuzu said. “I’m billing you for this. The garbage disposal is not a trashcan, it’s not meant to have every last scrap sent down it.”

“Then what the fuck’s it for?”

“For small bits that go down the drain, how do you not know this? And like I said, you’re getting billed for this becasue I don’t work for free..” Kakuzu felt something, large, hard and slimy, and made a face. He tried grabbing it but it was stuck.

“Then leave it, it drains, slowly, I’ll put some candles out or something to cover the stench. Hey, let’s go get something-”

“No, whatever you are about to suggest, the answer is no. I am not going anywhere with you to get anything, we are not ever going out on a date, I will never take you on a date, so stop. Go and,” he made a shooing motion with his hand, “spend your time with Hit and Run, and do whatever it is the two of you do together.”

Hidan was sure Kakuzu sounded jealous, and was about to say something when he gave a good tug on whatever it was in the drain and it came it out, splattering the side of the sink with filth.

Hidan screamed and leapt backwards onto the counter and Kakuzu might have been impressed if he wasn’t completely disgusted by what he held in his hand.

“What the fuck is that?!” Hidan shrieked, covering his nose and mouth with his hands as the smell became worse than it already was.

Kakuzu flung whatever it was on the floor, a mass of black and red and white, “Why don’t you tell me? Are you trying to put bodies down there?!”

“No!”

“That is a bone.” Kakuzu kicked it with his foot, flipping it over, “A rather large one. How did that even get in there?!”

“I haven’t killed anyone except that one guy, but I might start with you if you accuse me again!” Hidan shouted, “You’re lucky I’m on parole though or I'd have a go at you!”

While Kakuzu bent down to pick it up, Hidan admired the view, and Kakuzu looked over his shoulder to see Hidan biting his lower lip as he checked out his ass, a faint blush on his pale cheeks.

“So, what is this then?” Kakuzu asked as he stood back up, waving the bone, coated in disgusting stuff from the drain, in Hidan’s face.

“Eugh, that’s fucking disgusting, stop it! I don’t know, probably one of the ribs I ate last week, get rid of it!”

Upon further inspection it did not look human and Kakuzu looked around for the trash, dropping it in and then washed his hands with more soap than was probably necessary, “Fifty bucks.” Kakuzu said as he held out his hand. 

“No way! All you did was fish around in there and pull that thing out. That’s not fifty bucks worth of anything. I could’ve done that!”

“Then you should have. I bet you shoved that thing down there just to have a reason to get me in here.”

Hidan looked away, “Did not. I could get you in here without resorting to damaging my sink.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Before Hidan could say another word There was knocking on the front door, too quiet to be Deidara, who always just barged right in anyways and Hidan hopped off the counter to go answer it, then thought better of it and stuck his head into the kitchen, “Psst, Kakuzu.”

“What?”

“Can you see who it is? If it’s the cops, give me a signal so I can escape out of the bedroom window.”

“No.” Kakuzu washed his hands and there was another knock. 

“Aww...c’mon man, do it for me, Kuzu, your favorite tenant.”

“No, and you are my least favorite tenant, ever.” He dried his hands and stepped out of the kitchen, around Hidan and opened the door wide, giving a clear view of the trailer to whoever was at the door. 

"Fuck you!" Hidan shouted, coming up behind Kakuzu looking as though he had just been betrayed, "What the absolute fuck?! What if it had been the cops?!"

“Let them arrest you again, you probably deserve it.”

“Is um, is Hidan home?” It was Naruto and he looked up at Kakuzu with wide eyes.

“Yes he’s home, unfortunately.” Kakuzu motioned towards where Hidan had attempted to hide, “Why? What did he do? Did he run over your bike or scream obscenities at you? Threatened to kill you? Steal your laundry? Run over your puppy?” 

“Oh, no, he didn’t do anything. I have homework to do and wanted to do it here since...I got locked out again.”

Kakuzu thought it was odd that the boy would want to hang out in Hidan's filthy trailer but he said nothing about it, "I’m leaving Hidan, you owe an extra fifty on top of your next rent."

“Ooh, on top you say?” Hidan licked his lips and Kakuzu slammed the door shut before Hidan could say anything else, then opened it a second later and let Naruto inside. 

“And don’t do anything illegal with this kid around!” He slammed the door again and went home.

“You get locked out again?” Hidan asked with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Yeah. Can I uh, hang out with you for a while?”

“Sure, but, why doesn’t that old geezer get you a key made so you can get into your own home?” Hidan didn’t like it and he didn’t think Naruto was getting locked out on accident. He was sure Naruto was being locked out on purpose, because he knew the old man was home, his car was there and he hadn’t heard him leave all day.

“I don’t know...hey, look at this!” Naruto pulled a folded paper from his pocket, “I got invited to a birthday party! I’ve never been invited before!”

“A birthday party? Shit, I ain't never had one…was never invited to one either...” Hidan said, looking at the invitation.

It was for a pool party and had a picture of some balloons and the date and time.

“Who the fuck is…” Hidan squinted at the writing, “Sauce-ook-ee?” 

Naruto laughed, “His name is Sasuke, not what you said. And he lives here in the park. He’s really cool and has the coolest older brother!! But their parents died so they’re orphans, like me.” 

“I’d be an orphan too, if I was a kid, my parents decided to wait till I was older to die, fuckers...” Hidan handed the invitation back to Naruto, “You have to bring a gift, right?”

“Oh yeah, but...I don’t think the old man will take me to get anything.”

Hidan didn’t like how sad Naruto looked, it didn’t suit him, “Hey, how ‘bout this, kid? I made a shit ton in tips last night, I’ll call Deidara and we’ll go to Walmart and I’ll buy you a toy to give your friend.”

Naruto shook his head, “No, no, please! I can’t have you do that, I just-”

“Fuck that, look, I make my bills and have enough for food and other needs, I'll probably die before I’ll need a retirement plan, and you can’t take it when you go, so don’t fucking worry about it. Live in the moment and all that shit." He got out his phone and called Deidara. 

“Hidan, what’s happening, did you get that drain fixed, cause I’m not coming over until you do, your place stinks. We were supposed to have sex, I’ve been waiting and that was so disgusting.”

“Yeah it’s fine now. Kakuzu fixed it for me. Hey listen up, I’m going to the Walmart with Naruto, we’re gonna buy a birthday present for his friend, you wanna come?”

“Huh, yeah it sounds like fun, I need some food, you want me to drive?”

“Hell no, you’ll kill us. I’ll drive. I’ll pick you up in five minutes.” He ended the call and stuck his phone back in his pocket, grabbed his wallet and keys and the bag of trash from the kitchen, with the stinking bone in it and left with Naruto. He tossed the trash bag on to the roof of his car and got in as Naruto gave him a funny look but got in the passenger side anyways.

With the window rolled down, Hidan reached out and grabbed onto the trash bag as they drove down the road and slowed down at the dumpster and flung the bag of trash off the roof of the car and threw it as best he could, it landed half in and half out, spilling some of the contents, the bone that had clogged his sink falling onto the ground with a clatter, “Eh, good enough.” He said and drove around back towards Deidara’s trailer.

Deidara should have been waiting for Hidan but was not and after honking almost ten times, getting yelled at by one of the neighbors and making all the dogs bark, Hidan finally got out and went up to pound on Deidara’s door. It finally opened and Deidara stood there, his hair looking limp and sad, completely down and Deidara looked very annoyed.

"How many times do you have to honk, hm?!" 

“The fuck is taking you so long?”

With a long, dramatic sigh, Deidara lifted part of his hair, “I can’t get my hair the way I like it, it’s not doing what I want it to do. I think that stink at your place traumatized it.”

“Hair doesn’t get traumatized, look at mine.”  
  
“Your hair is like cemented to your scalp with all that gel you use, it needs to breathe, let it just be without all that stuff, you’re going to damage it, you also need to use better shampoo and conditioner. Mine is not usually like this. Look at it…” He shook his head sadly, running his fingers through it, "I can't go out like this."

Hidan was looking and trying to figure out what was so awful about it, then reached out to push Deidara's bangs out of his face, “Looks fine to me, not as perky but it’s not a fucking fashion show, we’re just going to Walmart.”

“Yeah, but what if someone takes a picture of us to put on that website, hm? I don’t want to look like I belong there.”

Hidan laughed, “No one’s taking our pictures at Walmart unless you lay in the cheese case or tie Naruto to the cart with a leash. And if anyone does take pictures of us, I’ll beat the shit outta them and smash their phone. Now, let’s go,” he pulled Deidara outside onto the porch and leaned close, brushing his lips against Deidara's ear, “you’ll still look prettier than half the girls there.”

That seemed to lighten Deidara's mood and he smiled, following Hidan to the car, his cheeks faintly flushed.

Naruto had climbed into the backseat and Deidara waved at him, “Hey, what’s up, hm?”

“I got invited to a birthday party, for the first time, too!”

"Nice!" 

“So, what does this Sasuke like?” Hidan asked, “GI Joe? Toy guns? A real gun? You want to buy him a shot gun?”

“Hidan, no! They’re kids!” Deidara screamed, “You’ll go back to jail for sure if you do that!”

“Yeah, don’t want that…”

Naruto leaned forward, “What was jail like?”

“Terrible. I don’t recommend it. Sit back and put your seatbelt on, I don't want to scrape you off the pavement,” Hidan looked before pulling out onto the main road from the park, “See, Deidara, that is how you make a turn, you fucking stop, look and then pull out.”

Deidara snickered at that, “Oh? You stop, look and then pull out do you? I’ll make sure I follow those steps next time.”

“You never pull out though, that’s my job, and since you're a dude I don't need to bother with that since...” He trailed off, glancing in the mirror at Naruto, not wanting to say Deidara couldn't get pregnant in front of him, he really didn't care who knew he was having sex with Deidara, but he didn't want to openly talk about it in front of a kid. 

“Make sure to do a better job next time then. Oh!” Deidara laughed, “Is that what the problem is? It's different from driving, Hidan, no wonder you're no good at it, you drive like an old woman!” Hidan turned red as Deidara laughed loudly at him.

"I do not!" Hidan shouted, "Shut up!"

“What are you talking about?” Naruto asked, “What’s so funny?”

“Shit! I forgot there was a kid here!” Deidara smacked himself in the face, “Forget everything we just said!!”

“Yeah, fine, didn’t make much sense...” Naruto kept looking at Hidan, “So, what was jail like?”

They stopped at the red light, “Don’t ask me about that place.” Hidan told him, “Deidara, light a cigarette for me.”

“Is that how you know Mr. Asuma?” 

Reaching for the cigarette, Hidan froze, “That’s right...you know him…”

“Mr. Sarutobi is his dad, he’s a retired police officer.”  
  
Hidan felt the blood drain from his face, someone behind him honked and Deidara told him to turn around and drive. Hidan flipped off the guy behind them, and hit the gas and sped off from the light, muttering to himself, “You have got to be shitting me.”

How did it work out that he moved in right next door to his parole officer’s father who had been a cop himself? He had a sick feeling that they were keeping tabs on him that way, that maybe everything had been set up so he would somehow have to rent that particular trailer. What if the trailer park wasn't even a real trailer park? He wondered if Kakuzu was in on it, did he know? Had he been involved? Maybe that was why he was so resistant to his advances, he was one of them. Hidan felt like his skin was too tight, they were watching him, and why wouldn’t they? He had been a fool to think they’d do all that they did to him and let him go free.

“Open your mouth Hidan.”  
  
“What?” He blinked, looking towards Deidara briefly before turning back to the road.   
  
"I'm gonna put something in it." Deidara stuck the cigarette in his mouth, not liking how pale Hidan had gotten and turned around in his seat, "Hey," he whispered, "don't ask about prison again, yeah?"

Naruto nodded, "Sorry..."

They made it in one piece to Walmart, Hidan hadn't said another word the rest of the way, thinking and wondering who else was in on it, who was watching him. He finished his cigarette and tossed it out the window. He didn't want to think about it, there wasn't anything he could do and he was not going to freak out in Walmart. 

Deidara looked over at him, "We're here."

"Yeah, I know, I fucking drove us here." 

They got out and as they walking through the parking lot Hidan asked, “So, what’s this Sasuke into?” 

“I don’t know, I uh, don’t really know him that well.” Naruto explained as Deidara got a cart.

“Aren’t you friends?” asked Deidara, “Or is he one of those people who just invite the entire class to his stupid parties because he’s the popular kid?”

“No, he’s not like that, actually,” Naruto paused, “it’s the first time he invited me.”

“Hmm...well, firearms are off limits...what about a cool Swiss Army knife?” Hidan asked, stopping to gaze at the knife case. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea either.” Deidara told him and pulled him along, “Let’s see, how old are you, hm?”

“Thirteen.”

“So he’s like the same age?”

Naruto nodded.

“Too old for toys really, too young to shave, and you don’t know him well enough to buy grooming products for him without looking like you’re interested…” Deidara thought about it as they made their way through the store, “I think...Cards Against Humanity, yeah, he’ll love it. And he could invite you to come play and maybe you two will get to know each other and become friends.”

“Damn, Dei, you’re good.”

“Yeah, I know I am. Unlike you.” He said and flipped his hair over his shoulder, “Alright, so, do they even sell that here?”

They found the gave aisle and found the card game after a quick search, Hidan tossed it into the cart, “You need anything, kid? Seriously, if you do, just speak up.”

Naruto shook his head, “Well...I kinda need pencils for school…and a notebook.”

“Pencils and a notebook? That’s it?”

Naruto nodded so they went down the school supply aisle and Hidan grabbed a pack of pencils and threw them in the cart, Deidara grabbed a gift bag with balloons on it and added it to the cart, then they went down the food aisles and got some snacks and stuff and went to checkout. Hidan grabbed a few packages of Fun Dip candy and threw it in the cart and then looked around, hoping to run into Kakuzu again but he wasn’t there.

“Sasuke?” Naruto said as they were checking out at the self checkout.

Deidara and Hidan turned around to see a kid the same age as Naruto and someone who must have been his older brother, with long, jet black hair pulled into a loose ponytail, at a nearby self checkout stand.

“Naruto, hey.” Sasuke said.

“Is he your friend?” His older brother asked quietly.

“I know him from school.”

It did not go unnoticed by Hidan and Deidara that Sasuke did not call Naruto his friend.

“He invited Naruto to his party, I’m Deidara, and this is Hidan.”

After looking them both up and down, he said, “Ah, yes, you’re the ones from the newsletter,  you’re quite popular with the cops.” He then looked at Naruto and smiled, “Hello, I am Itachi. I look forward to meeting you at Sasuke’s birthday party.”

“What a jerk.” Deidara said, turning around, “Thinks he’s better than us, hm! Did you see that? Did you see that look he gave us? ‘You’re quite popular with the cops’ yeah, it’s not our fault, hm!”

Hidan just waved his hand in a dismissive fashion, “Yeah, yeah, who fucking cares? He lives in the trailer park, too, how much better than us can he be?” Hidan finished paying for their stuff and they grabbed everything, not paying for a plastic bag, and carried it out of the store. 

“Can you drive us back without giving us whiplash this time?” Deidara asked as they got to the car.

“Yes, I can drive us back without giving us whiplash.” Hidan mocked, making a face, “Get in the fucking car. I’m fine.”

Hidan drove worse than Deidara, running through the stop sign and flipping off the other driver who almost got hit by him.

 “Um, I think...that was Itachi and Sasuke…” Naruto said nervously from the backseat and then was suddenly flung against the side as Hidan hit the gas and sped through the light at the entrance/exit of the shopping center, it had turned yellow but by the time he was going through it was red. 

“Hidan!” Deidara shouted, “Slow down! There’s a kid back there!”

“Now you know what it feels like.” Hidan came to a stop at the red light and glanced in the back at Naruto, “Heh, sorry, kid, you’re ok, right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Hidan dropped Deidara off at his place, “If you want to hang out later and maybe we can do something fun, just uh, text me.”

“Yeah, I probably will.” Deidara grinned, "I've been looking forward to doing something fun with you for a while. I'm going to shower first though." 

Hidan grinned back and looked Deidara up and down, "Nice. Maybe I will, too." after Deidara got out, Hidan drove to his trailer and parked, “Are you still locked out of your own fucking home?”

“I don’t know, I’ll go see if he’s home yet.”

Why was the kid lying? It was obvious to anyone that the old man was home, and Hidan did not like Naruto trying to make something up, “He was home before, wasn’t he?” Hidan asked, looking at Naruto through the rear view, “Don’t lie. I live next door and hear whenever that old car of his drives in or out. And besides, I’ve heard him scream and yell at you, look, if you uh...ever need a place to come to, to get away from that asshole, come to me. Or Deidara. Alright? We may not be model citizens and crap like that but we'll watch out for you.”

Naruto smiled, “Thank you, Hidan.”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem, take your shit and get outta my car.” He watched Naruto go and smiled at him as he ran up the steps of his trailer.

Sitting on the couch Hidan tried to watch tv while eating one of the fun dips, but nothing was coming in, “Piece of shit…” He muttered, and thought about Kakuzu as he sucked the flavored sugar off the stick, then thought about Deidara and got out his phone and sent a text.

‘you want to get laid tonight?’

A reply came almost immediately, ‘Yeah, come over, your place probably still stinks’

‘It does not, but i’ll be over, let me shower first’

‘I’ll be waiting and ready’

Hidan grinned as he got up to go jump in the shower. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan uses cheap body spray to try to attract a man or repel him- no one is sure, and Kakuzu is a big tease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut here, I hope it's ok. Also some lovely KakuHida interactions that I hope you will enjoy, it appears Kakuzu might be warming up to Hidan...Thank you for reading and I appreciate all your lovely comments, they make me very happy. ◉‿◉

Not bothering to knock, and hair still damp from his shower, Hidan just opened the door and went inside Deidara's trailer. Expecting to find him on the couch or in his art room, Hidan found him in neither and went back into the bedroom and had the breath knocked out of him when he walked in to find Deidara naked on the bed, his blond hair fanned out on the pillows under his head while he stroked his dick with one hand, his other hand under himself, his fingers working himself open, “What took you so long?”

“Oh my fucking lord.” Hidan said, “I’m glad I’m sober for this.” Slowly, he stripped off his clothes, enjoying the way Deidara’s cheeks turned red as he watched, his hand moving faster and faster over his erection as precum leaked from the tip, “You are so hot like that.” Hidan purred, letting his boxers fall to the floor before crawling up the bed, “You are so beautiful, Deidara, and so fucking hot, have you been thinking about me all day?” He kissed Deidara on the mouth, reaching down and grabbing his hand, “You better stop that because I’m gonna be the one who makes you cum tonight.”

“Please do. Now get over here and fuck me properly this time.”

Hidan kissed him again and Deidara laughed, “What’s so funny?”

“You taste like candy. I like it.”

“Good.” He held Deidara’s hands above his head, “Are you ready?” Hidan asked, as if he couldn’t tell, and Deidara answered with a nod, “You got any lube?”

Deidara reached under his pillow and pulled out a bottle, “I already used some, but you should put more on. You know, you didn’t use any last time…”

Rolling his eyes, Hidan sighed, “Last time...am I going to keep hearing about that?”

“Until you make it up, hm.”

“Put it on me.” Hidan groaned as Deidara squeezed the lube into his hand and then rubbed it over his cock, “Your hands...they feel really good.” He honestly had very little memory of the last time they slept together and Hidan hoped that whatever he did this time would be better than that was. 

As Deidara worked lube all over Hidan’s already very hard erection, he licked his way up from the base of his erection to Hidan’s chest, running his tongue over his nipples. Sucking on one while pinching the other, enjoying the sound of Hidan moaning.

“Oh shit, Dei…Bite it. Yeah! Like that!” He moaned loudly as Deidara bit down on his nipple and sending a jolt of pleasure down to Hidan’s throbbing cock, but it wasn't hard enough, “Come on, bite harder, you can make me bleed if you want.”

After flicking his tongue over Hidan’s nipple and not biting down any harder, Deidara pulled back, “Nah, I’m not into blood, it’ll uh...make me pass out.”

“Too bad…” Hidan sighed and then wondered briefly if Kakuzu was into blood but he didn’t think about it too long and grabbed Deidara’s waist, his nails digging in. Deidara practically purred as he licked and sucked his way up Hidan’s neck, licking the shell of Hidan's ear before moving to his mouth. They kissed for several moments and then Hidan was pushing him down onto his back, never breaking the kiss as he adjusted Deidara’s legs and got between them.

With a groan Hidan pushed himself into Deidara, “Fuck...so good…Oh shit!” He braced himself against the wall with one arm and thrust hard and deep into Deidara making him cry out.

“Fuck, Dei!” Hidan shouted. It felt way too good and the noises Deidara was making was pushing him closer and closer to the edge much faster than he expected as he thrust into him again and again.

“Hidan, yes, right there...” Deidara wrapped his legs around his friend in order to pull him in deeper to get Hidan to hit him just right. It felt so good and Hidan’s eyes rolled into the back of his head so far he expected to see his brains as he came suddenly with a shout.

Deidara froze and then slapped Hidan across his chest, “Are you fucking kidding me?!” Deidara shouted, “You did not just cum that fast!!”

“Oh fuck...fuck...I did- I am...shit. Shit, _shit!!_ ” Hidan jerked his hips, groaning. His face flushed from shame, “Deidara...why you gotta be so fucking hot?! Fuuuck...”

“Get off of me, hm!” Deidara pushed him away and jumped off the bed, “Really?! What the hell was that?! It must be some sort of record because I don't think that was even one minute!”

Hidan had the decency to look ashamed as he pulled out and pressed his face into one of Deidara's many pillows, “I...it wasn’t my fault.”

“Oh, it was mine, was it? Hm?! Go home! Go on! Get out of my trailer!” Deidara was shoving at Hidan, trying to push him off his bed but Hidan was a lot bigger and heavier than Deidara and he only moved an inch so Deidara grabbed a pillow and whacked Hidan with it.

“Oh, for fucks sake, Deidara! You're kicking me out for that?! And stop that!” Grabbing the pillow, Hidan threw it across the room, hitting the blinds with it, "That hurts!" 

“Oh boo fucking hoo, a pillow hurt you!" Bringing his foot up, Deidara attempted to shove him off the bed that way "Are you a virgin?!” Deidara demanded suddenly, stopping his effort of trying to get Hidan off the bed and out of his trailer.

Face turning beet red, Hidan shouted at him, “No!”

“Oh my god!! You are! You liar!” Deidara shrieked as he tried to suppress the grin that broke across his face,  “Why didn’t you just tell me?! I’d have told you what to do! I'd have tried to help you last a little longer!” Howling with laughter, Deidara had to lean against the wall for support, "I never would have thought _you_ of all people would be a virgin!"

“I’m not a fucking virgin, asshole!”

With arms crossed, Deidara gave Hidan a look, “Are you sure? Because your performance is something I’d expect from one.” Thoughts of what he could say about Hidan next on Yelp filled his head and he laughed even harder, earning himself a pillow to the face.

“How fucking dare you! I don’t have to listen to this shit! I’m not that bad!”

“You actually are really that bad in bed, you know that? It’s a real shame because you’re so fucking hot, and you know how to dance, but seriously? Not even a single minute?! I didn’t even cum yet! Not even close! It was just starting to feel good! Can you even make me cum?! Because you didn’t the last time either, I had to finish myself off! I'll do it this time too but you'll be awake and I'll cum all over that stupid face of yours.”

“Oh, I can make you cum alright! Just wait a little bit and I’ll be ready to go again and you’ll see! And don't you fucking dare do that shit to me again! That was some nasty ass shit!”

“I don’t want to wait! I’ve been waiting for such a long time now and I've been horny for you all damn day. Make me cum, Hidan. Right now, hm, that is, if you can.” Deidara crossed his arms, his eyes were narrowed, challenging his friend.

“Tell me what you want me to do." Hidan said, "And I'll do it."

“I want you to suck my dick. If you know how, or do I have to teach you that, too, hm.”

Hidan crawled over and pulled Deidara back onto the bed, his eyes dark, “Oh, I know how to do that. I can at least do that very well.”

“So you admit you’re not as good at sex as you made it seem.”

“I give very good blow jobs. And yeah, ok, so maybe I need more practice at actual fucking alright? I haven't slept with many people."  
  
"And I bet...out of the few times you've had sex, you probably weren't on top, were you?"

"Most of the time, no." Hidan answered, "Besides, it’s been a while. A really long while, I was in prison, alright? There's slim pickings in there, and I don't fuck everyone I see. But I can suck dick, Deidara, you’re going to enjoy this.” Hidan pushed his legs apart and knelt between them, Deidara watching, skeptical that Hidan was as good as he said, but as his cock disappeared into Hidan's mouth, he groaned as he felt the back of Hidan's throat, and let his eyes close, feeling the other man's tongue on the underside of his cock. Hidan moaned as he sucked him deeper, down his throat, saliva dripping from his chin. Deidara's hand grabbed a fistful of gray hair and tugged, pushing his head down even farther if it were possible, making Hidan groan, he opened his eyes to see Hidan's face was pressed against him, eyes open, looking up at him as he bobbed up and down. He was sucking so hard and Deidara loved it. 

"Hidan...that is so good...Hey, can you...go deeper?" Deidara gasped, he wasn't sure he had ever had a better blow job, and Hidan looked like he really enjoyed giving it which made it even better. Hidan moaned as he took Deidara deeper down his throat. 

"Look at me when you make me cum!" Deidara told him, "I want," he moaned, his head rolling back, "you to see what you do to me."

Hidan’s jaw was so sore by the time Deidara finally came, he knew he was holding back, trying to delay his orgasm as long as possible and making Hidan really work, “Fuckin’ finally...ahh, my jaw is about to fall off…” Hidan laid on his back and massaged his face, “You did that on purpose.”

“Of course I did.” Deidara smirked, "You think I'd make it easy for you after that shit earlier?"

"Course not." Hidan ran his hand through Deidara's hair, "Hey, you know you're really beautiful when you cum."

Deidara rolled towards him, “I know, why do you think I wanted you to watch? And that was actually excellent head, I'd rate it five stars if I was reviewing it. Five out of five, would come again." 

That made Hidan laugh.

"How do you go so deep?”

“A lot of practice.”

“Hmm...So how do you have so much experience at that but not sex?”

“You really don’t want to know the answer to that question.”

Deidara didn’t like the sound of that but said nothing, “Are you ready for more?”

“A few more minutes…”  

In the meantime, Deidara pulled one of Hidan’s arms over him, forcing him to cuddle and then started kissing him and Hidan pulled away, making a face, “I just sucked your dick.”

“I don’t mind.” Deidara giggled, “I like the way I taste on you.” He leaned forward and started to kiss Hidan again, using his tongue to coax Hidan’s mouth open.

After kissing for several minutes, Hidan rolled them over so he was on top and grabbed a handful of blond hair, “You are so hot, have I told you that tonight?”

“Yeah and apparently it was too much for you to handle. But anyways, you should tell me some more.”

“Deidara, you are too vain." Hidan leaned down, "I’m gonna fuck that pretty little ass of yours now.”

“Please do. You didn’t do a good enough job earlier. You need a lot more practice, Kakuzu would probably tear up your lease and throw you out of the park if you did to him what you did to me earlier.  Less than a minute? You gotta work harder, Hidan.”

“You had me too excited, walking in and seeing you like that. Damn. You should be proud, though I am so ashamed.” Hidan laughed at himself, he couldn’t believe he had been so bad.

“Hmm, I suppose it’s a compliment in a way, but I didn't really appreciate it now did I? I can’t believe I’m more experienced than you are. But don’t worry, I’ll let you practice on me as much as you want. So come on Hidan, fuck me. Fuck me good and hard.” Deidara begged, kissing him, biting his lip, “I want to feel you inside me all night.”

“It will literally be my pleasure,” Hidan spoke lowly in Deidara’s ear, “Tell me what to do.”

Pushing his head down against the pillows, Hidan ran his hands over Deidara’s ass, slapping it as he pounded into him, making Deidara cry out in pleasure.

“You like that?” Hidan hissed.

“Yes!”

“Tell me, Deidara,” Hidan gasped, “does this feel good?”

“Yeah.” Deidara said, turning his head enough to look behind him at Hidan, “You’re doing great, Hidan.”

“Oh fuck, Dei, say my name again.”

“Hidan!” Deidara drug his name out, pushing back against him.

“What do you want?” Hidan asked, “Just fucking tell me. Tell me how you like it.”

“Faster. And...ahh, harder." He said between thrusts, "Yeah just like that! Right there! Fuck! God, this is so much better. You’re a fast learner. Shit! And make it last longer, too!”

Hidan slowed at that, "Yeah, about that, how?"

"You can pull out and let yourself calm down a bit." Deidara told him. 

Hidan nodded and then sped up, going as deep as he could with each thrust, “Your ass feels so good!” He slapped Deidara, harder than he had before but still not too hard. He didn’t want to hurt him though he didn’t think Deidara would mind too much.

"I want..oh shit Hidan...I want to see you. Let me get on my back."

Hidan pulled out and took several deep breaths to try to calm himself down before pushing Deidara onto his back and settling between his legs and sliding back in, "You like this?"

Deidara nodded, his face was flushed and sweaty, "I want to wrap my legs around you, hm." He did and pulled Hidan close, "It lets you get, oh nice, lets you get closer." Deidara moaned softly and reached up to pull Hidan down, "Kiss me, hm."

It was so intimate, maybe too much so for Hidan, but he kissed Deidara anyways. It felt so good being so close to another person, he couldn't remember the last time he had been so close to anyone. Physically or emotionally. He didn’t have many friends and after being found guilty and sent to jail Deidara had been the only one to keep in contact with him and continue their friendship. He thrust deep, as deep as he could, wanting to be as close as possible and Deidara gasped suddenly, clenching around him.

“Oh shit, Hidan!” Deidara cried out, he was so close. Hidan could feel it, his words turning to grunts and groaning, he ground his hips into Hidan’s, “Fuck, Hidan!! Yes, fuckin' yes!” He came, all over himself, he didn’t even care as it was so good and Hidan tried to wait but he couldn’t hold back any longer and came hard, shouting Deidara’s name along with several curse words before collapsing forward onto Deidara, slick with sweat and cum.

"Shit..." Hidan breathed, "Fuck...that was..."

"Finally fucking good." Deidara slid his arms around Hidan's neck and pulled him into a lazy kiss, "You are going to be awesome with some more practice." He kissed Hidan's jaw and throat, "Let’s lay here for a while and then we can take a shower. You ever have sex in the shower?"

Hidan shook his head.

"Well, I guess you're going to tonight." Deidara grinned up at Hidan and kissed him again, "You alright? You seem a bit...dazed."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Hidan closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the pillow.

Deidara laughed, "Aw, you must just be tired."

 

Deidara fell asleep not long after their shower, finally satisfied, and had snuggled up against Hidan who was still awake. Thoughts kept running through his head, and memories of pain and screaming and blood. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that his neighbor was his parole officer’s father. How did that even happen, he didn't think it could be a coincidence. It was too weird, he didn't want to think about it. Another thing he didn't want to think about was how Deidara was cuddling him. Wasn't he the one telling Hidan not to kiss him, that fuck buddies didn't do that, and now here he was curled up against him as if they were something more than that. Looking over at him, Hidan couldn't deny he was beautiful, he was the only person he had gotten close to for as long as he could remember and part of him regretted asking if he wanted to fuck that day. He decided that he couldn’t sleep there again. Hidan didn’t want Deidara getting the wrong idea about what they were. They were friends and they fucked sometimes. That was it. Carefully, Hidan got out of bed and pulled the sheet up over Deidara and left.

Lighting a cigarette on his way out.

As soon as he got home, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he took it out and read the message, from Deidara:

_‘You left? Why?'_

Hidan ignored it and went into the kitchen and got a drink of water and went to bed. The sound of a dogs incessant barking finally forced Hidan out of bed. If he'd still had his gun, he might have actually shot it when he saw it trot by his window. Checking his phone while eating a bowl of cereal, he had expected more texts from Deidara but there was nothing new and he replied to the text from the night before, feeling bad for ignoring him.

_‘I couldn’t sleep, needed some air’_

_‘Yeah ok whatever. I’m busy at the college. I'll be here all day.’_

He knew Deidara was either pissed, hurt or both. Probably both but they weren’t together, Hidan told himself, he wasn’t obligated to stay the night. He tossed his phone onto the couch and finished eating then brushed his teeth and sprayed on some of the body spray he got at the dollar store. After he ran a comb through his hair he decided to go for a swim and slathered sunscreen all over himself to avoid being burnt to a crisp, and then headed towards the pool.

It was already hot and there was no shade in the pool and there wouldn’t be until later in the evening, but he swam laps for a while to keep in shape and keep his mind off of things before getting out and laying under his towel on the lounge chair where he fell asleep.

It was early afternoon as Kakuzu was walking back with the money he got from Rasa, and he stuffed it into his shirt to keep it safe. As he turned a corner, someone came up close to him with a towel draped over their shoulders and Kakuzu let out a low growl and paused, getting ready to fight whoever was thinking to rob him.

“Kakuzu! What the fuck?!” Hidan shouted, “Did you really just growl at me?”

Of course it would be Hidan, “It’s just you.” Kakuzu grumbled.

“Yeah it’s just me. Are you trippin?”

Taking a deep breath Kakuzu answered him, “No, Hidan, I am not tripping.”

“Well you must be really high then, what are you on? I want some of whatever it is.” He started walking back with Kakuzu.

“I am not on anything, and you shouldn’t be taking anything if you’re on parole, wouldn’t that violate your terms and you would end up back in jail?” He looked over at Hidan who was still there, “Why are you walking with me?”

Hidan shrugged, “So we can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

Hidan ignored him, “Hey, some dog was barking all morning, I couldn’t sleep. Can’t you like do something about that? I need my sleep. I might shoot the damn thing next time.”

“Perhaps. Do you know who the dog belongs to?”

“Yep, I do. It’s that bitch living next to Deidara.”

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, “Sleeping over at your boyfriend’s? Are you two moving in together soon? I could rent your trailer. After it’s been fumigated of course.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, and no, that dog was running around like he owns the fucking place. And _what?!_ Fumigated?!”

“Yes, I would have to rip the carpet out too, you’re disgusting, Hidan.”

They stopped at the laundry room and Kakuzu grabbed his clothes from the dryer, “Are you finished talking now?”

“I dunno.” Hidan shrugged and watched Kakuzu stand back up, “So, what do you do for fun?”

“I work.”

Hidan followed him to the table where Kakuzu began folding his clothes, “So...is work fun for you? You like doing stuff around the park? You seem pretty good at it so I think you must like it, or at least you don’t hate it. Am I right?” Not waiting for a response, Hidan went on, “I like my job, it’s pretty fun. You could uh...come see me sometime. I’d like that. And I think you’d like it, too,” He was smiling and had a faint blush on his cheeks, “I could give you a private show. You have to make sure to request me though or they might just give you some random dancer. You’ll have to tell them you want Hidan.”

Kakuzu shook his head, “I don’t go to cheap clubs like yours, I don’t go to clubs period, it's low class. Probably come back with some sort of disease.”

“First, you are the manager in a trailer park. Second, it’s not a brothel, how would you get a disease? And also, it’s not fuckin’ cheap, it’s a real nice place! Look it up on Yelp! We are a favorite on there, Madara keeps that place high end, let me tell you, you aint getting no disease from it!” Hidan said, “You have to pay to get in and they don’t allow-”

“I’ll never go there Hidan, I don’t pay to get into places.”

Hidan moved closer, “If you tell me you’re coming, I can get you in as my guest for free. How would you like that?”

Kakuzu did not want to admit that he was interested, and while he was very curious to see what Hidan could do, he wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that, “The answer is no.”

Hidan actually looked disappointed for a moment, “Aw, well...if you ever change your mind, let me know. We have private rooms. You’d enjoy it, I’d make sure of it.” His voice had dropped and he had moved closer, close enough that Kakuzu could smell whatever cheap body spray he had used earlier and he wrinkled his nose at it.

“Did they stock some Axe at the ninety nine cent store? Or worse, imitation Axe.”

“Huh?”

“Back up, I’m going to choke on that stench, what did you use the entire can of it?” Kakuzu grabbed his laundry basket, “I have things to take care of, Hidan, move.”

“Oh...yeah, whatever. And no, I didn’t use the entire fucking can! You’re a real dick, you know that?!” He watched Kakuzu leave and lit a cigarette. He was just trying to smell nice, it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t shop for fancy French cologne at the mall.

Kakuzu paused before he reached the door and pointed at a sign, “No smoking, or can’t you read?”

“Fuck you, you cocksuker! I can read.” He marched out past Kakuzu, pausing at the sign and taking a long drag, burning through half the cigarette before blowing smoke onto the sign and then put his cigarette out in the middle of it. Leaving a black smear behind before flipping Kakuzu off and flicking his cigarette onto the laundry room floor and marching out.

Kakuzu just shook his head and went home, having to walk behind Hidan most the way. Why did he think being a trailer park manager was a good idea all those years ago he didn't know. There were times he hated it but he could be stuck in an office somewhere and he would have hated that more. 

"Are you looking at my ass?!" Hidan turned his head as he walked up to the steps to his trailer, "That's sexual harassment! I could call the cops on you for it!"  
  
"Oh? Then I better call them on you for the same thing." Kakuzu said, "You call me over to your trailer to fix things for the sole purpose of harassing me."

Hidan turned away and went in, slamming the door. He didn’t think he had used too much of the body spray, he never used it, and decided he was never going to use it again. Or he would use so much it would make Kakuzu sick. He laughed at that idea, he would put so much on Kakuzu would choke to death on the fumes. Going into the bathroom, Hidan doused himself in the body spray then turned the sink on a trickle and left his trailer. Soon regretting his decision to spray so much on himself and tried to ignore the headache forming and knocked obnoxiously loud on Kakuzu’s trailer.

The door opened and Kakuzu rolled his eyes, “What do you-” he coughed, “what the hell!”

“My sink is dripping, it won’t stop.” Hidan told him.

“You put all that on on purpose, didn’t you?” Kakuzu covered his nose with his hand, “I bet you didn’t think it through very well, did you? You have to smell it, too.”

“Well...maybe I like it.” He hated it, and was about to leave and go home to shower but Kakuzu smirked at him.

“Well, let me get my tools and I’ll come look at your sink, just give me a minute. I should bring my cell phone too, in case I need to call the poison control hotline for cheap body spray inhalation. You probably huff that stuff.”

"Maybe I do." Hidan shrugged and waited at the door, peering inside while Kakuzu went to grab a toolbox. The inside was nice and tidy, and a slightly different layout than Hidan’s. He was about to step in when Kakuzu returned, waving his hand in front of his face to try to clear the air, “Alright, let’s go have a look at your sink. Dripping you say? That will add up on your water bill.” Kakuzu shut the door and took his time locking it.

“Yeah, so let’s fucking go.” Hidan said, walking faster than he normally would, the smell was making him feel sick and he just wanted to shower and wash it off. He was going to throw away the rest of it as soon as he could and never buy it again.

Hidan took him inside to the bathroom, “See, look at it drip. Can you fix it for me, Kakuzu?”  
  
Kakuzu took a good look at Hidan, he looked miserable, “You did this just to get me in here, didn’t you?”  
  
“No, it’s really leaking.” Hidan lied. His head hurt and so did his stomach, he had to admit to himself that the whole thing had been a stupid idea, he was suffering more than Kakuzu was at this point and he couldn’t stand it anymore. Reaching into the shower he turned on the water.

“What are you doing?” Kakuzu asked, “You have a problem with the shower now? Don't tell me it's leaky too? Perhaps you just don't know how to use modern facilities having been in prison so long. When you turn them, water comes out, you turn them the other way to turn them off.”  
  
“No, I have a problem with this smell!” Hidan was pulling his pants down, “Enjoy the fucking show, Kakuzu.”  
  
“I’m not staying to watch you shower.”

"Then you better get the fuck out!" Hidan kicked his pants off and then hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, “I’m getting in the shower, you’re still here. You wanna join me or something?”  
  
With a shake of his head, Kakuzu took his toolbox, “No, Hidan, I do not want to join you! You owe me twenty bucks now.” He turned the knob on the sink and unsurprisingly the water shut off.

“Wh,what?! That’s highway robbery!!” Hidan shouted with his shorts halfway down around his ass.

“I fixed it. Twenty dollars.” Kakuzu held out his hand.

“I’m almost naked and my head is killing me and I feel kinda sick right now, I don’t have twenty bucks on me.” Hidan needed to wash the body spray off, “This is your last warning before you see my dick.”

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, and having expected more of a fight from Hidan over the money, and not sure if he was disappointed or not, Kakuzu shrugged, “Add it to your rent, or bring it by my place later, I stay up until around midnight.” He turned to leave, pausing at the door, “Hidan, you better not smell like this shit later, I can’t stand the smell of cheap body spray.” Kakuzu grabbed the can of body spray, reading the label, 'Rock', and threw it in the garbage can before leaving with his toolbox.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you, too.” Hidan muttered as he slid his shorts off and jumped in the shower and started to scrub himself clean off the offensive odor.

He kept going over what Kakuzu had said, to either add the money to his rent or to bring it by, that he would be up late. Was Kakuzu extending an invitation to him, Hidan wasn’t sure and checked his phone, looking to see if Deidara texted him but there was nothing. He missed Deidara’s numerous texts during the day and sent a text.

_‘Hey are you still busy?’_

Hidan waited for a reply but there didn’t seem to be one coming so he started to dress, pulling his boxers up and then heard the alert from his phone.

_‘Yeah, getting lots done today, I’ve been neglecting my art lately. Why?’_

_‘Just wondering. You shouldn’t neglect your shit’_

_‘My art's not shit! You're shit in bed!’_

_'Fuck you'_

_'You already have'_

_'I didn't mean your art was shit'_

_'I did mean that you're shit in bed, but now you're not because of me'_

After eating dinner, Hidan decided to just take Kakuzu the money, wearing nothing but jeans and some flip flops that came free with his sunscreen. He pounded on the door several times and waited.

Kakuzu opened the door and let his eyes slide over Hidan before asking, “Why is it you walk around shirtless all the time?”

“I don’t like clothes.” Hidan raised a brow, “Why? Does it bother you?”

“I could care less.” Just as he was about to ask for his money, Kakuzu's phone rang from inside his trailer and recognized the ring tone he set for Pein, “Wait here.”

“Can’t I wait inside? There’s mosquitoes out here!” Hidan slapped his arm and when he pulled his hand back there was a smear of blood and dead mosquito left behind.

“Fine, whatever, I need to answer that!” Kakuzu left the door open as he went to go get his phone and Hidan wasted no time going inside and shutting the door.

"Honey, I'm home." He laughed quietly to himself and paused to look around, there was a small dining table across from the kitchen covered in notebooks, papers and a closed laptop. Sniffing, Hidan thought it smelled nice in Kakuzu's trailer, like some type of lemon scented cleaning product and he glanced in the kitchen to see it was nice and clean, not a single crumb or coffee stain on the counter. Continuing into the living room Hidan scanned the bookshelves before sitting down on the couch. It was clean, unlike his, and comfortable, again unlike his. Kicking off his flip flops, he put his feet up on the coffee table and waited for Kakuzu, wondering who he was talking to.

“What do you want?” Kakuzu asked on the phone as he stuck his head out from the hallway to see Hidan had made himself at home, he pulled the phone away from his face, "Don't touch anything, I'm warning you." He then turned his back to Hidan, talking into the phone, “Not you, I have someone over. No. I haven’t had the chance yet. Don’t worry, I’ll do it soon.” He walked back into the bedroom, "You're in a hurry for this, aren't you? I know and I understand..." and Hidan could no longer hear what was being said.

Since Kakuzu was taking so long on the phone, Hidan got up and started looking around. There was really nothing to go through, no cheesy knick knacks to pick up and look at. The only thing to really go through was the stuff all over the dining table but with a clear view of it from the bedroom Hidan decided it would be a bad idea to look through Kakuzu's stuff. So he ended up at one of the bookcases and randomly took out a book and went back to sit on the couch, propping up his feet once more.

The book was clearly not a bestseller, it was old, with cracked leather binding, and Hidan laughed to himself thinking maybe it was from the year Kakuzu was born. Not paying attention, he didn’t notice Kakuzu come out of the bedroom and walk towards him until the light was blocked.

“H,hey! Kakuzu, you look pissed, what horrible news did you get on the phone?” Hidan asked, slamming the book shut, "Your aunt from the eighteenth century die or something?"

Without a word, Kakuzu took a hand towel from the table where Hidan’s bare feet rested as if he lived there, and then used the towel to protect the book as he plucked it from Hidan’s hand and placed it back on the shelf.

Kakuzu then walked back over and kicked Hidan’s feet off the table and stood in front of him for a moment, looking down at his most annoying and most trashy tenant he ever had to deal with.

"Don't ever touch my books again." He then leaned forward, bracing himself against the back of the couch with a hand on each side of Hidan’s head, “Do you understand?”

Hidan nodded, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

“Now. I want my money for that little stunt you pulled earlier and then I want you to get out.”

A flush crept into Hidan’s face and neck and even colored his chest and Kakuzu then realized that Hidan was not afraid of him but turned on. 

“Y,yeah, I got your money…you want it?” Hidan reached into his pocket and pulled out a rolled up bill and held it up to his mouth and got an idea, “Then come get it.” Hidan put the money between his lips and waited.

With a smirk Kakuzu leaned closer, his face mere inches from Hidan’s, “You think you’re so cute, don’t you?” 

Hidan nodded, he knew he was cute, if Kakuzu didn't think so then he was lying to himself. Holding his breath, Hidan couldn't believe it as Kakuzu came even closer and parted his lips as he angled his face towards Hidan’s. Imagining Kakuzu's mouth on his, his jeans grew tight over his growing erection. But then Kakuzu moved his hand and yanked the money from Hidan’s mouth so hard he somehow made him bite his own lip and split it. Blood welled up and dripped down Hidan's chin.

“Ow, shit, Kakuzu…that hurt!” Hidan’s tongue flicked out over his lip as Kakuzu watched.

“You missed some.” Kakuzu brought his finger up and wiped a trickle of blood from his chin and wiped it on Hidan’s lip, smearing it like lipstick. It was so unexpected, Hidan couldn’t stop the moan that came from him, making Kakuzu smirk.

“You better leave now, Hidan.” Kakuzu told him and pushed back off the couch to give Hidan just enough room to get up, making him have to brush past him as he walked towards the front door.

“Oh, and one last thing, for future reference, I hate bad smells. If you think you’re going to attract me with cheap perfumes, forget it.” Kakuzu’s eyes raked over Hidan, taking note of his erection, “I prefer no perfume to that crap.”

Hidan’s heart jumped in his chest at that, did that mean he had a chance with Kakuzu? He was too excited to care that Kakuzu was looking at his crotch, and reached for the door knob and missed it, losing his balance and crashing into the door.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at that but the corners of his mouth were turned up in what could be considered a smile, especially for him. With his face red, Hidan finally got the door open and gave Kakuzu one last look, hoping he might call him back in, but he didn’t and Hidan left, stepping out into the warm summer night's air. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakuzu does laundry, Deidara uses a vacuum, and Hidan makes bad choices with a co-worker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, I really meant to update this before August ended but this took so much longer than I expected, I didn’t have much time to work on it like I thought I would, and then I wasn’t happy with over half of it when I thought it was finished so I rewrote most of this chapter and had to change things in the next chapter to match this one and then changed things in that one and had to come back to this one and re-do some stuff so that's why it took so long. I wish I could update more than once a month. I feel like it’s a little shorter than usual, I’m sorry, but it felt like a good place to end the chapter at but the next one is longer so I hope it makes up for it. Thank you for reading and for your comments, I wasn't able to reply to all of them this time, I'm sorry again but I love them all. ♡＾▽＾♡

It was almost three in the morning when Kakuzu got home. He was thankful that his neighbors were all asleep. Not a single light was on, as it should be in the middle of the night. He parked and got out of his car, dusting himself off and looked around, no one was out, he didn’t hear any cars, there were no voices and hardly any traffic could be heard from the main road. Opening the trunk he reached in and grabbed the shovel and duct tape, turning around just as he heard a car coming down the street. It drove right by and Kakuzu froze as it slowed and then backed up.

Shit.

“Hey! Kakuzu!” It was Hidan. Of course it was. Out of everyone in the park who had to be awake, and driving home at this hour, it would be him. Because he worked nights at some sleazy strip club and had some ugly mark on his neck that Kakuzu could see in the dark, where it looked like someone had tried to suck his blood out through his skin along with what looked like fingerprint shaped bruises, “What are you doing out so late? Or is it early? I don’t even fucking know.” Hidan yawned and rubbed his eye.

Why did he have to be so loud? Kakuzu wanted to shove something in his mouth to shut him up. “What I’m doing is none of your business.” Kakuzu said, hoping he was drunk or high, or at least too tired to notice what was in his hands.

He wasn’t.

“A shovel and some duck tape...Kakuzu…” Hidan took a closer look at Kakuzu and could see dirt on his clothes, his hands and his face even had smears of dirt and sweat on it, “Looks like you had a busy night.”

“Perhaps, and if you don’t shut that mouth of yours and drive home right now it’ll get even busier.” Kakuzu growled, glaring hard at Hidan.

“Ooh, are you telling me you wanna get busy with me? I’m down for that. Shit, look at you, you look hot tonight.” Hidan looked him up and down and bit his lower lip, “A little dirty, but I sure as hell don’t mind-”

Kakuzu's grip on the shovel tightened, “I am not sleeping with you, not tonight and not ever. And I swear I will kill you if you don’t go home right now!”

“Alright, alright. Fuck, when was the last time anyone showed you any interest? You act like I’m gonna do something awful to you...I’m not like that...” Hidan looked ahead for a moment, then turned back to Kakuzu, his face serious, “Well, I hope you enjoyed whatever it was you were doing in the middle of the night with all that stuff, and no one saw you and no one is going to find whatever you ah, did...And don’t worry, I won’t tell.” And with that, Hidan drove away.

“Damn you, Hidan.” Kakuzu was going to have to kill him, he knew exactly what Kakuzu had done. It wouldn’t surprise Kakuzu to find out Hidan had experience in it.

After putting away the shovel and cleaning up the trunk of his car, being meticulous in making sure there was nothing left behind from the body, he went inside and called Pein. Kakuzu let it ring twice and hung up, he would know that it was done. After that, Kakuzu showered and put on clean clothes just as the sky was starting to lighten. He would need to do laundry to get rid of any evidence left behind on his clothes, though it had been a fairly clean kill, hardly any blood at all this time. But he left nothing to chance and gathered up all his laundry and took it down to the laundry room.

Just his luck, Hidan was already doing laundry when he got there, the machine having just started. They exchanged a look, though neither spoke. Hidan’s eyes had dark smudges under them and Kakuzu wondered why he wasn’t at home asleep.

“I meet my parole officer later this afternoon, didn’t have any clean clothes.” Hidan shrugged.

“Why are you telling me that? I didn’t ask and I don’t care.” Kakuzu started a washer and they stood there, on opposite sides of the room, staring at each other, “Nice hickey, I didn’t know you were a prostitute as well as a stripper.”

Hidan’s jaw tightened, “I am not a prostitute! You’re a dick, you know that?!” Hidan jabbed his finger at Kakuzu, “You don’t know what happened, how I got this or from who! Maybe it’s not even a fucking hickey, maybe someone attacked me at work, people are crazy ass bitches sometimes! Trying to touch when they’re fucking not supposed to! And if I want to fuck people for money, that’s my business! But I don’t! And fucking clients is really looked down on though sometimes it happens not that I’ve ever done it! And so what if some people do, you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes! So fuck you! Like you're high on the morality scale yourself.”

Hidan had a point, Kakuzu thought as he looked at his laundry, the clothes he had just murdered someone in going into the machine, "Someone attacked you?" 

Hidan crossed his arms, “Why the fuck do you care anyways?”

“I don’t.” Kakuzu said, pouring some laundry detergent into the washer and closing the lid. He really didn’t care, and didn’t know why he asked about it anyways. He unlocked the container that held the quarters people paid to use the washer and took three out, relocked it and put them back in to start the wash.

After several moments of silence, Hidan spoke, “Some stupid ass looser drunk off his ass and possibly high as well.” Hidan said after a moment, “Wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. I was lucky the owner was nearby, fucker was built like a tank. I punched him but he didn’t even respond. Probably whatever he was on...Took two people to pull him off of me." 

Kakuzu had come closer, Hidan was not skinny at all and was nearly as big as he was, but he knew from experience that sometimes that didn't mean much when you were caught off guard.

“Does it happen often? People not keeping their hands to themselves?”

Hidan shrugged, "Not often, but it happens." He paused and messed with the settings on the washer, "First time anyone did more than touch though. Hey! I thought you didn't care."

"I don't." Kakuzu told him, leaning against the machines and watching Hidan pour way too much laundry powder onto his clothes before closing the lid. The mystery of why there were sometimes a mound of bubbles on the floor was solved, Kakuzu thought Hidan could have washed at least three loads of laundry with the amount of detergent he put in there. Clearly no one had ever taught him how to do laundry. He brought his eyes to the mark on Hidan's neck, there were even teeth marks. It was disgusting, Kakuzu thought, that someone had done something like that to Hidan, he couldn't help but think of what else could have happened if it had been in a private room. 

"Shit...I need a cigarette...and another quarter, I had three when I left my trailer." Hidan was patting down his pockets searching for his pack, not finding any he looked up at Kakuzu, "You don't have any do you?" 

“I don’t smoke. One quarter hm?" Kakuzu took the key from his pocket and opened one of the washers coin containers and took out one single quarter before locking it back up, "Don't expect me to do this ever again." 

"Do I have to fucking pay you back?" Hidan asked, taking it and putting it in the slot with the others. He pushed them in and started the machine.

"No, not this time." 

“Wow, thanks, Kakuzu." Hidan smiled at him, "Look, I left my cigarettes in my trailer and I really fucking need one. Are you staying? You'll watch my shit and make sure no one steals, won't you?”

“Yes, Hidan, I'm staying.” Kakuzu told him, leaning on the washing machines, he never left his laundry unattended after a murder. It needed to be washed and he had come into the laundry room too many times to find his- or someone elses'- laundry in a pile on the floor still wet, “Your laundry isn’t going anywhere.”

It didn't take long for Hidan to return, the smell of smoke alerting Kakuzu that he was back, "Sure you don't want one?" Hidan asked, holding up a crumpled green pack of cigarettes.

"I'm sure." Kakuzu answered. 

“More for me.” Hidan shoved it into his pocket, “So...pool party tomorrow, huh? Are you going?”

“No, I am not going to a child’s birthday party and neither are you. I highly doubt you were invited.”

Laughing, Hidan looked up at Kakuzu, “Course I wasn’t. But hey, maybe there’ll be free food.”

“They won’t be handing out food to whoever shows up. Stay away from the pool tomorrow, Hidan. I mean it.”

“Yeah, whatever. Hey! Look at us, our first date, doing laundry together, so domestic, right, Kuzu? You even paid for my washer!” Hidan took a drag from his cigarette and flicked the ashes on the ground in front of him.

Kakuzu gave him a look, “This is not a date and we are not doing laundry together either. You just happen to have already been in here when I came in to do my laundry. And would you get that cigarette out of my face.” He waved the smoke from the air and walked back over to the machine where his laundry was, “We will never date, Hidan.”

“Why not? You’re hot, I’m hot, I want you and I think you want me, too. What’s the problem?” 

“The problem is that I do not want you, I am not interested in you, got it? So stop harassing me, you clearly didn’t like someone forcing themselves on you at work, stop trying to force yourself on me.”

Choking on the smoke, Hidan coughed and sputtered, “Forcing myself on you?! What the fuck?! I’m not forcing myself on you, I never even touched you as far as I can remember. You’re the one who actually _has_ touched me.” He turned his back to Kakuzu, feeling like he’d just been slapped in the face and rubbed the side of his neck where the bruise stung, “I’d never do that shit to anyone. Damn...if you really don’t want me, then fine. There’s plenty of people who do.” He opened the lid of the machine to see his clothes in soapy water, “Not done yet…”

Rolling his eyes at the ceiling, Kakuzu asked, “What made you think they would be, the machine is still running, it’s clearly not done yet.”

Shrugging, Hidan finished his cigarette and flicked it onto the floor and stepped on it with his flip flop, then hopped up onto the washer and stretched out across several of them and closed his eyes.

“You can’t sleep there.”

“Why not?”

“Because you just can’t. Go home if you’re so tired.”

“I’m fine…”

It wasn't long before Hidan started to snore from on top of the washing machines. The sound grated on Kakuzu's nerves, it was one of those things that made him want to strangle whoever was doing it, he absolutely hated the sound of snoring. Honestly, he thought it was one of the worst sounds a human body could make. Walking over, he was about to shake Hidan when he paused and looked at him.

Hidan looked peaceful when he was asleep, he was finally quiet aside from his snoring. And what struck Kakuzu the most was how young and innocent Hidan looked. It didn’t seem right, Hidan, while young, was in no way innocent. 

He snored again and though it was quiet, it irritated Kakuzu to no end and he gave him a hard shake, waking Hidan up. What was he doing sleeping on the washing machines in the first place?!

“S’not my turn yet! I don’t want to go back!” Hidan shot up, falling down from the washing machines onto the floor, landing hard on his backside, “Don’t fucking touch me!” He held his hands in front of his face, trying to ward off whoever he thought he saw.

Kakuzu watched Hidan press himself against the side of the washing machine, babbling about not going back and something about blood but he couldn’t understand what Hidan was trying to say. Though watching, he managed to feel bad for Hidan.

“Hidan.” Kakuzu said, “Go home, go to bed.”

“…not my turn...” Hidan trailed off, looking around, his hands shaking, “Kakuzu? Wh,where the fuck are we?”

“The laundry room, go home.”

“Need my fucking laundry, gotta look decent for my meeting.”

“I’ll make sure you get it.”

Hidan paused and gave Kakuzu a confused look, "Huh? You will? Seriously?"

“I just don’t want to hear you complaining that someone stole your clothes later. Don't think it's anything more than that.”

 

On his way to see Hidan, Deidara slowed when he saw Kakuzu put a basket of Hidan’s laundry on his porch, he didn’t want to know why Kakuzu was doing that. He waited and watched Kakuzu walk away before going up the steps to Hidan’s trailer and knocking.

“Deidara, you brought my laundry?” Hidan yawned and seemed confused and a little disappointed by that, “I thought-”

“Yeah, I brought it, hm.” Deidara lied, “Let me in?” He picked up the basket, annoyed that the handle was broken when it pinched the palm of his hand but said nothing, and followed Hidan to the bedroom and set it down. As Hidan turned to grab the basket and dump everything out of it, Deidara saw his neck and leaned closer, his mind jumping from one conclusion to the next, why else would Kakuzu bring Hidan his laundry? He wasn't the type of person to just bring peoples laundry out of the goodness of his heart.

"Oh my god, Hidan. What the hell is that?! Did Kakuzu do that to you?!" 

“It wasn’t Kakuzu. Damn, what’s your problem?” Hidan gave Deidara a look, “Some idiot attacked me at work last night, I don’t want to talk about it.”

"Oh." Deidara said, relieved that it hadn't been Kakuzu, but not happy someone attacked him, "Are you alright?"

“M’fine.” Hidan picked out the clothes he would wear to the police station and shook them out, then laid them on the end of the bed and took the rest and shoved them in the closet, not bothering to even make an attempt at folding anything.

"Alright, hm. I guess you really don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. So, I uh, I got chosen for my art to be at the art exhibit later in the fall. That’s what I’ve been spending so much time on lately, hm.”

“Oh yeah? Good for you, Deidara.” Hidan crawled over the bed and laid down on his back, hands behind his head, “You want me to come see it?”

Nodding, Deidara crawled up to lay beside him, “Yeah, but you don’t have to-”

“I want to, Dei.”

Smiling at that, Deidara said, “But you have to buy a ticket, it’s a fundraiser for the art department to buy new equipment and stuff. I can buy it for you. There’s going to be auctions on all the artwork. Maybe you can win an original of mine.”

“I’ll save my tips and come buy all your shit.”

“Thanks. But stop calling my art shit. It's not shit, hm.”

“No problem. So, I have to go in a bit, but since you’re here…”

Deidara scooted closer, he knew Hidan wasn't 'fine' like he kept insisting he was, “Are you alright, Hidan?”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

He still didn’t believe him, but said nothing, “You want anything?”

"I wouldn't mind having you.” He leaned over and kissed Deidara, “If you want, I mean, you don’t have to, I hope you don’t think that I’m pushing you to do anything, if you ever feel-”

“No, Hidan, never. What happened?” Deidara slid his arm around Hidan’s waist and pulled him closer as he kissed him softly, “You can tell me, yeah? Is it what happened at work?”

“Maybe...and something some shithead said to me earlier about forcing myself on others.”

“No, Hidan, you’re not pushing me to do anything I don’t want to do. We don’t have to do anything if you’re not into it right now, and I can tell you’re not. I’ll be here when you get back from your meeting. We can wait.”

Hidan nodded and closed his eyes, “I just want to sleep. Could you wake me up in an hour?”

“Yeah, of course, hm.” Deidara draped his arm over Hidan’s chest and watched him fall asleep, he had dark circles under his eyes and Deidara didn’t like that someone had attacked him at work yet at the same time had been relieved when he found out it wasn’t from Kakuzu. He pushed some hair from Hidan’s face and smiled as Hidan leaned into his hand. He wanted Hidan to like him and he was pretty sure he did. Pulling Hidan closer, Deidara laid there, thinking up ways to get Hidan to realize he liked him while keeping an eye on the time.

When Deidara finally woke him up, Hidan felt like he had only gotten a few minutes of sleep and went into the bathroom to rinse his face. He felt nauseous and his hands still shook from earlier and he wished he could just crawl back in bed and sleep the rest of the day but he couldn’t miss his appointment. So he gelled back his hair and went to get dressed.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Deidara asked, looking up from his phone.

“No, I’ll be fine on my own.”

“I’ll just wait here for you then, hm.” Deidara got up, “Good luck, Hidan!”

Hidan muttered something about needing it before leaving.

 

At his appointment Hidan hadn’t brought up the gun, didn’t ask about it, though he wanted to. He kept waiting for Asuma to slap the cuffs on him and throw him in a cell, but he didn’t, and he didn’t mention anything either. After answering the routine questions, and having to give a urine sample, he was free to go. When Hidan got back to his car his hands were shaking even more than they had been earlier and he looked around for his cigarettes, finding half a pack in the glove compartment and lit one up. He hated coming in once a month, hated the feeling of not knowing if they might decide he violated his parole and arrest him, or just arrest him anyways and stick him back in jail and test on him again, over and over. He hated living in fear of opening the front door one day and finding the cops there, ready to take him back. Running a hand down his face and wiping the sweat from his upper lip, he put the car in gear and reversed out of the spot and left the parking lot. He needed to get out of there, every time he saw a cop come out his heart jumped and he expected them to come for him. 

He felt sick by the time he got home, and as he walked up to the front door of his trailer, he saw Naruto run up to him, “Hey, Hidan! I got-”

“Hang on, kid.” Hidan said, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth. He swallowed and took several deep breaths, he did not want to throw up and especially not with Naruto and Deidara there.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Hidan nodded, telling himself over and over in his head that he was home, he wasn’t getting arrested, he wasn’t in that cell anymore. He held onto the door knob for several moments before opening the door and letting Naruto and himself in.

It smelled like cleaning products which helped get his mind off his stomach and the carpet was fluffy, all the crumbs were gone.

“Hidan, you’re back! What took so long? I was getting worried.” Deidara said as he came out from the kitchen and stopped, “You look really pale, are you alright?”

Hidan rolled his eyes at that, “I’ll be fine, I just...It’s been a rough day. So uh, what’s up, Naruto?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to come hang out but if you’re not feeling well, I can leave.”

“No, I’m fine, I just...it was a bad night, I didn’t get much sleep and stressed myself out too much about shit. Shouldn’t have taken that nap...” Naps were always a gamble, sometimes they helped and sometimes they made things worse.

Deidara made Hidan sit down, “I cleaned your kitchen for you, it was so disgusting. I’m surprised you haven’t died from eating out of there yet.”

“It’s not that bad.” Hidan scoffed.

“It was that bad! I found a dead cockroach under the toaster! But now it’s nice and clean. Keep it that way, hm. Oh, I brought my vacuum over and used it.”

“Hey, that’s actually really nice of you, thanks, man.”

Deidara smiled and rested his hand on Hidan’s arm, “You need anything?”

Hidan shook his head and leaned his head back on the couch.

“Could I get something to eat?” Naruto asked.

“Yeah, go crazy.” Hidan said, waving towards the kitchen, “Whatever you want, kid, it’s yours.” Hidan watched him run off into the kitchen, then called out, “As long as it’s not illegal for you to have!”

They heard him opening cupboards and putting something in the microwave. Deidara shouted for him to bring Hidan ice water and then felt Hidan’s forehead to check for a fever but he felt normal, “You sure you’re alright?”

Hidan nodded, “Like I said, I stressed myself out too much today and going on hardly any sleep didn’t help. That nap before I left really fucked me up.”

“Yeah, naps can do that.” Deidara told him.

Falling asleep in the laundry room had been a bad idea, waking up like that, he had thought he was back in jail. It happened more than he wanted to admit, but after the night he’d had at work and then that, and having to go down to the police station, it had been too much.

“You wanna go to bed?” Deidara asked him, “Want something to eat?”

“You don’t need to baby me, and no, I’d probably just get sick if I ate anything.” Hidan said, curling up against Deidara as Naruto came in with an instant ramen cup and a glass of ice water which Hidan took a few sips of and set down on the floor. “So Naruto, you excited for the pool party tomorrow?” He just wanted to get his mind off of everything.

Naruto nodded as he sucked up a noodle, "Yeah! I can't wait for it! I hope Sasuke likes his gift!"

"If he doesn't I'd be surprised, hm." Deidara said as his hand fell to Hidan’s shoulders and he rubbed them, smiling as Hidan got closer and eventually put an arm around his waist and he fell asleep. Deidara couldn’t help the happy little squeak that came out of him at that and he held Hidan a little tighter. Naruto left after they watched an episode of Jerry Springer and one of Maury. Deidara loved guessing if the guy was or was not the father. After Naruto left, Deidara made himself and Hidan more comfortable, stretching out on the couch and pulling Hidan alongside him without waking him up.

When Hidan woke feeling warm, snuggled up against someone, he didn't want to get up. It was nice and he hated to move. But he had to. Moving his head back and pushing blond hair from his face, Hidan sighed and sat up rubbing his eyes.

He had to get ready for work though he didn’t want to go in tonight. He considered calling in sick but decided against it as he needed the hours. Before he got up off the couch, Deidara wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his face to his back, “Hidan…”

“What?”

“I was comfortable.”

“Well so was I but I have to get ready for work.” Yawning, Hidan asked, “How long have I been asleep?”

“I dunno...at least four hours.”

Deidara let go and watched him get up and go into the bedroom, so he sat up and rubbed his face and tried to straighten out his hair and make it presentable.

“You know, this couch is really nasty.” Deidara called to him.

“Yeah, I know, I got it off the street.”

“You are like, the definition of trailer trash, you know that!”

“Whatever. You don’t seem to mind.” He walked back out, tight jeans, a white t-shirt and his sparkly bow tie hung from his hand, he even had eyeliner on, “I gotta go, I’ll see you later, Dei.”

“Yeah, it’s fine, hm.” Deidara got up and followed him to the door, “Wait.”

“What?”

“You look hot.” He slapped him on the ass and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, “Make those tips, Hidan, hm.”

 

Obito had kept an eye on Hidan all night, he seemed off and finally around midnight, he called him over to the table he was at.

“Yeah?”

“You haven’t been yourself tonight.”

Hidan rolled his eyes and looked away, “I barely got any sleep, had to see my parole officer this afternoon, I’ve felt sick all damn day, I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I feel like absolute shit so what the fuck do you expect? I'm human, I'm not gonna be totally fucking awesome every damn day.”

“Why didn’t you just take a night off then?” Obito asked, pushing a bottle of water over to Hidan, “Drink.”

He took the water and drank almost half of it, suddenly very thirsty, “I need the money, alright? Why else would I be here?”

Obito took a good look at Hidan, he didn't look well and he decided the previous night had probably rattled him more than he let on, “Take the rest of the night off, go home, eat something and try to sleep. You've got the next two nights off so you should be feeling much better by then.”

“But-”

“No buts, Hidan!" Obito turned and pointed at the stage, "Unless it's up there making money. Now go, get changed and go home.”

Nodding, Hidan got up and walked towards the dressing rooms. He walked in only to find Zetsu in the middle of changing.

“Hidan! You’re off now, too?” Zetsu asked.

“Yeah, but only because Obito thinks I need to go home.” He took a drink from the bottle of water and sat down, “Everybody’s been fucking coddling me today! Asking if I'm alright and shit when I keep saying I'm fine!” Hidan rubbed his face and then yanked the stupid bow tie off and threw it across the dressing room. He hated it, it always itched his throat, it was so fucking cheesy too.

“Hey,” Zetsu sat down next to him, pulling his shirt on over his head, “Want to come back to my place? I’ve got something you’d enjoy.”

“Are you talking about your dick?” Hidan asked.

Zetsu laughed as he looked Hidan over, “Come on, we’ll have lots of fun, I promise.”

Hidan knew he should just go straight home, but some part of him didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go home, he wanted to forget things for a while and so he nodded and got dressed, “Alright, yeah, I’ll fucking come home with you. You promise I’ll have fun?”

“So much fun.” Zetsu grinned, “You’d look great in a collar.”

“Oh yeah?” Hidan grinned, “I’ve always wanted to try that.”

Zetsu leaned forward, his lips almost touching Hidans, “We are going to have so much fun.”

Just as Hidan’s mouth touched Zetsu’s, Zetsu pulled away with a smirk, “You know the rules, Hidan, none of that here.”

Once they were dressed they left through the back entrance together and went their separate ways to their cars. Hidan waited for a text with Zetsu’s address and a second after getting it, there was another text with just a question mark. Hidan knew Zetsu was giving him a chance to turn him down and go home. But Hidan replied, ‘let’s have that fun’ and started his car, following Zetsu out of the parking lot and onto the road towards the nicer part of town.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deidara has an intruder and must protect his art. Sasuke has his birthday party. Hidan falls in love with ice cream cake. Kisame and Itachi are not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried to update last week but I couldn't At least it didn't take me another month though. I had to break this chapter up because there was just too much happening for it to all go into one chapter but that's also ready to post in a couple days so you won't have to wait too long.
> 
> Also, let me address something that someone commented on in the last chapter. They said my tags for ships are misleading and that they are reading a HidaDei not KakuHida. I have it tagged as KakuHida and HidaDei, and it even says in the tags 'kakuhida at some point.' In chapter 6, in my notes, I said that eventually it will be KakuHida and it's heading towards that, I'm not sure how that's not clear.  
> It's obviously a slow burn fic, they won't get an instant relationship.  
> And I'm not going to rush their relationship. It's going to happen naturally. It would be OOC for Kakuzu to suddenly want a romantic relationship with Hidan at this point. They literally just met, maybe a month passed since chapter 1, and they've run into each other a handful of times. And the person also seemed upset I was considering a poly relationship where Hidan would be with both Kakuzu and Deidara.  
> I was thinking about it, and thought I could work it in, but I've been re-reading the stuff I already have written of future chapters the last couple of days and I would have to change more than I thought and while I thought I could, I can't and I'm very sorry Garlic Sunshine, (︶︹︺) I really like the idea (And I love KakuHidaDei to pieces) but I started working on this at the beginning of the year and thought it would be close to being done by now but it's not, not even close and I don't want to rewrite things that are already written, I hope you understand and I'm sorry to disappoint you and Smorsies and anyone else wanting that. You too, Noot. Deidara's feelings do get addressed though, but not in this chapter.  
> But anyways, sorry for my super long note here but you know, it really irritated me and maybe especially irritated me because that's all the person had to say about 8 chapters. They read 8 chapters, almost 34,000 words and had nothing else to say? Wow. Nice. I have spent countless hours working on this, literally days of my life have been gone into writing this and someone wants to complain and try to tell me what ship this fic is about just because the one they want to read about hasn't happened yet is ridiculous.
> 
> Writing is hard, it takes so much time. And honestly I get so anxious whenever I update. So don't be rude and remember fic writers are not getting paid for this and people reading get to read and be entertained for free.
> 
> Also, I did add some tags. I added 'slow burn for Kakuhida' since apparently 'KakuHida at some point' isn't clear enough. And just in case, I also added 'dub con elements' because Zetsu is definitely taking advantage of Hidan. It doesn't go into detail because Hidan isn't going to remember what they did but there's other ways he finds out what happened and can piece things together especially after he looks in a mirror. So I just wanted to warn for that, it's at the part where Kisame takes Hidan's phone from him, it's nothing graphic and doesn't go into detail but it's pretty clear (I hope) what they did and it's not meant to be sexy. Bondage done wrong. Don't go home with Zetsu, he'll fuck you up and isn't going to care.
> 
> And lastly, Sakura and Ino say some pretty mean things in this chapter and I'm sorry in advance. It's a small part and I want to say that I don't hate them, but they were mean to Naruto in the anime for a while. I'll have them come back at some point and apologize. Lots of bad things happen in this chapter, there is blood and a drowning. But I hope it's a fun chapter and that you enjoy reading it, I'm horrible and really had fun ruining that birthday party for Sasuke, I'm very sorry Itachi.

* * *

 

 

Itachi and Kisame had Sasuke’s birthday all planned out, and they had invited all his friends, most of them said they were coming, and as always a few never replied but always showed up. First there would be swimming at the pool and then they’d bbq some hot dogs and have cake, then Sasuke could open his presents and just hang out with his friends and watch movies or whatever in their trailer. It was going to be a fun day for the kids and Itachi hoped his brother would appreciate it. Birthdays and holidays were never easy for either of them since their parents died, but Itachi tried his best to make them as good as they could be. It had gotten easier once he met Kisame and they started seeing each other.

“There, the last of the food for this party.” Kisame said as he tossed several bags of hot dog buns into the shopping cart.

“Good, I hope he likes his party…”

“How could he not?” They pushed the cart towards the front of the store.

“I think in a way...Sasuke still blames me for what happened. And he’s right to, it _was_ my fault.” Before Kisame could protest, Itachi held his hand up, “Please, don’t argue. It’s true. If I hadn’t called...if I would have just waited, they wouldn’t have been on the road and wouldn’t be dead. I just want to get this over with, I hate birthday parties...I hate having to do all this without them…” Itachi swallowed thickly, “They should be here doing this, not me.”

Kisame remained silent, he knew better than to argue with Itachi over his parents deaths, he had never forgiven himself and even dropped out of high school to raise his brother.

“Did you order a cake?” Kisame asked, not that he thought Itachi had forgotten a cake, but Itachi usually just bought a pre-made cake from the bakery section.

Itachi nodded, “I got him an ice cream cake this time, it should be ready to pick up.”

They walked over to the bakery aisle and Itachi asked for the cake, he nodded when he saw it, “Looks good.” It was rectangle, with some turquoise frosting, frosting balloons in light green, light purple and light blue and ‘Happy Birthday Sasuke’ written across the top in light green icing. Nothing fancy,

“What kind of ice cream does it have?”

“Cookies and cream. Let’s go before this starts to melt, Kisame.” Itachi didn’t want to talk about the party anymore, he just wanted to go home and put everything away and go to bed.

“Hi, Itachi.” The woman at the checkout stand said with a smile as she started scanning his items, “Are you working tomorrow?”

“No, Anko, I have the weekend off.”

“Enjoy it!” She finished scanning everything and gave him his employee discount while Itachi and Kisame started bagging everything up, “I hope Sasuke enjoys his party! See you next week!”

As they were loading the groceries into the trunk, Kisame leaned over and kissed Itachi lightly on the forehead, “You want me to stay the night?”

“Please.” Itachi said, his voice soft, “You know I need help with this.”

“Let me drive, you just hold onto the cake, alright?”

 

Hidan stood on his porch trying his key for the fifth time but it wasn’t working. He looked around to make sure no one was around before walking over to the window and punching it hard. He saw the blood and the deep cuts on his hand and wrist but strangely, it didn’t even hurt. He kicked the glass out and climbed through, cutting his back through the t-shirt he wore, but at least he was home, though he couldn't remember how he got there.

Just as Deidara finished getting dressed, he heard someone at his door, like they were trying the lock. He grabbed one of Hidan’s knives from under his bed, and crept out. Just as he was about to step out of the hall, he heard them window break and flattened himself against the wall as someone climbed inside. He was near the side door and could make a run for it, but his art. What if they were art thieves? He had no other valuables and would be devastated if anything happened to his works, he poured his heart into them. So he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths before running out, holding the knife up, ready to stab and protect his art.

Hidan heard a noise and froze, blood running down his arm and hand, dripping onto the carpet. There was someone in his trailer! A blur of yellow and bright pink came at him and Hidan screamed, not having the chance to do anything more than that before he was knocked to the floor as he felt something sink into his arm. 

Deidara screamed, eyes closed as he leaped at his intruder and shoved the knife into him, he hated blood, he couldn’t believe he was actually stabbing someone! What he killed them and he went to jail?!

“WHAT THE FUCK!?!?” Hidan screamed, “DEIDARA?! WHY ARE YOU FUCKING STABBING ME!?”  
  
Deidara cracked open one eyes, “H,hidan?”  
  
“That really fucking hurts!”

Deidara opened his other eye and saw Hidan underneath him, bleeding all over his carpet, “Oh shit!!” He let go of the knife and went white as a sheet, realizing he just stabbed his best friend, but at least he wouldn't be going to jail.

Hidan looked over at his arm, the blade wasn’t in too far, so he grabbed the handle and was about to pull it out when Deidara screamed at him not to.

“I gotta get it out!”

“No, I read that if you get stabbed, taking it out is the worst thing to do, hm!”

Hidan didn’t listen and pulled it out with a scream, dropping the knife on the floor next to him and watching the blood seep out. It looked weird to him, and he poked his finger in the hole. Deidara made a noise and covered  his mouth with his hand and ran for the bathroom.

Sitting up, Hidan wondered why Deidara was in his trailer with a knife and looked around. Something was...off, he didn't remember his couch ever looking so clean and he was sure he didn't have a coffee table. Blinking, Hidan got up and went into the kitchen, blood dripping everywhere, and wrapped a couple of dish towels around his wrist and hand wrapped one around his arm, then with shaky hands he looked for something to drink and pulled a bottle of Jack Daniels from under the sink. Drinking straight from the bottle, he went to go sit on the couch.

He watched Deidara walk out, he looked pale and he was walking slowly, "Deidara, you don't look good, here, drink."  
  
"Hidan...what the hell, my man...why did you break in here?"  
  
"My key didn't work." Hidan shrugged, "Drink?"  
  
" _Your_ key? This is _my_ trailer!"   
  
"Huh...that explains it. I thought my place looked...different."  
  
Deidara took the bottle and drank from it, looking at Hidan. He had swollen lips, a bruise across his cheek, and around his neck were deep bruises that stood out against his pale skin. He avoided looking at the arm he had stabbed, but his other arm was bruised as well, fingerprints around his wrist, "Hidan?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to you last night?"

Hidan was quiet, "I don't know. Last thing I remember I was driving somewhere...and then I was here. Did I drive? Walk? Get one of those Uber things? I don't know." He shrugged and reached for the bottle but Deidara held it out of his reach.

"How high are you?"

"Very."

"Yeah, no more drinking then."

"Dei..."

"No." Deidara went to the kitchen and put the alcohol away. He still felt like he might pass out, especially when he saw the blood on his counter and floor, but he turned away and went back out to the living room. As he past Hidan, he let out a yelp as he got his butt pinched and then was pulled down onto Hidan's lap.

"Your ass is so nice..." Hidan purred and leaned in for a kiss, "And you taste good for someone who was just sick."

"That's disgusting!" Deidara shouted, "There's something called toothpaste! I brushed my teeth!"

"God I love mint!" Hidan sighed and licked Deidara's mouth, "So, Dei, you wanted me yesterday, well today's your lucky day, I'm so horny right now and you are so damn fuckin' pretty." He kissed Deidara again and wrapped his arms around his waist, but pulled back after several moments when Deidara didn't kiss him back, "Don't you want to kiss me?" Hidan tried to kiss him again but Deidara dodged him.

With Hidan so close, Deidara could definitely smell sex all over him, along with what had to be an expensive cologne. Definitely not Hidan's dollar store Axe knockoff that gave anyone within ten feet a migraine. He shoved Hidan back and got up, "Enough! You don't break into my trailer, high off your ass and scare the shit out of me, and then bleed all over the place and then try to have sex with me when it's obvious that you just came back from a night of having sex with someone! So knock it the fuck off!" 

Deidara got off of Hidan and without giving him a chance to respond he stomped off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut and leaned his face against it as tears blurred his vision. He had really thought Hidan had liked him, he had been so sure of it. But clearly not if he was fucking someone else! And Deidara knew it wasn't Kakuzu, he didn't look like the type to let someone get so fucked up like Hidan was. Deidara kicked at the door. He was fucking stupid! And now he was crying over that asshole! Deidara didn’t want him in his trailer, and kicked the door again. Hidan had to go, he could go let whatever he took wear off in his own trailer! And now there was a gaping hole in his window from him! Deidara wiped his eyes and went to splash water on his face and blew his nose, he needed to get Hidan out and send him home but he couldn’t go out there and see him yet. He gave himself several minutes to get it together, he was not going to let Hidan see how upset he was, he wouldn’t understand in his current state. He got out his phone from his back pocket and opened Yelp and added a review for Hidan.

'Awful, the place is infested with roaches and he was on drugs the last time I was there. A cockroach ran across the bed and when I lifted the pillows I saw bed bugs!! Total trash! Should be condemned by the health department!'

He hit submit and then laughed to himself, feeling slightly better and splashed more water on his face. Once Deidara finally got himself together and walked out of the bathroom, he was ready to kick Hidan out. But was hit with the smell of weed and saw Hidan laying on his couch smoking the worst looking joint Deidara had ever seen. “Hidan, what the hell, Hidan?! That's my weed and you're so high you’re going to kill yourself, hm!”

“Good. Maybe that’s what I’m trying to do.”

“Don’t say that.” Deidara snatched the joint from Hidan’s mouth, burning his fingers in the process, “Shit!”

“Give it back.” Hidan was surprisingly still able to control his limbs and grabbed the joint, if it could be called that, back and put it between his lips, “You like this joint I rolled?”

“No. It’s like...the worst joint in the history of the worst joints. And you used a ton of my weed! You’re going to pay me back for that, hm!”

“It’s not…I didn't use a lot.”

Putting his anger aside, Deidara carefully took the horribly rolled joint away, “Hidan, that’s enough! Now, get the fuck out of my home!” He took a hit and went into the kitchen where it put out the 'joint', pissed that Hidan wasted his weed like that. HE didn't hear the door, so he knew he was still out there. Sighing, Deidara knew would have to walk him home, otherwise he would probably break into someone else's trailer, or never leave. Deidara rolled his eyes, this was not how he wanted to spend his day! He was going to go out to the desert and light off firecrackers and wait for sunset and set off some fireworks but no, now he had to deal with this shit. He went into his art room and grabbed a handful of firecrackers and a couple fireworks and shoved them into his pockets and then went to get Hidan. He would take him home, then get out of the park for the day.

Deidara kicked Hidan's feet, "Get up, let's go for a walk, hm." 

"You seem upset." Hidan said as they walked out the front door, Deidara didn't bother to lock it, what was the point when someone could just walk in through the window? He kicked a shard of glass across his porch. 

"Do I, hm? You'll figure it out. Or maybe you won't. I don't really fucking care right now." Deidara steered Hidan towards his own trailer but as they got closer, they started to smell something. 

Hidan was practically drooling, "You smell that, Dei?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I'm fucking hungry that's what, let's go see if they'll share!" Hidan changed directions and went towards the pool and Deidara was forced to chase after him.

"No!" Deidara shouted for him, "Hidan! We can't crash that kids birthday party!"

"It's not crashing, it's joining!" Hidan slowed down and let Deidara catch up, "It'll be fun!"  
  
"Somehow I highly doubt that, hm..." He was not happy as he was drug to the pool where a bunch of kids were running around, jumping in and out of the pool and Itachi and Kisame were making hot dogs.

“Hey, Naruto,” Hidan smiled, “You having fun with all your friends?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty fun!” Naruto said, his hair dripping from just being in the pool.

“You and Sasuke are friends now?” Deidara asked.

“Kind of, not good friends, but we’re getting to know each other now.”

“Well, everyone should be friends with you, Naruto!” Hidan said, his voice getting louder and causing people to stare, “You deserve the best!”

“Hidan? Are you...are you ok?” Naruto asked, he didn’t like everyone looking at them and his face was turning red, “What happened to your arm? You look like you got beat up!"

“I got stabbed but I feel great! You know, I’m actually really hungry...shit. I feel kind of dizzy, I lost a lot of blood. Do you think you could get us a hot dog?”

“Sure, I guess so.” Naruto walked over to where Itachi and Kisame were, they were both giving Hidan dirty looks, “Um...excuse me...could I get one for Hidan and Deidara?”

Itachi looked down at Naruto, what was he doing hanging around with delinquents like those two? He did not want to give either of them a hot dog, but wasn’t going to cause a bigger scene than there already was, so he nodded and Kisame hesitated, giving Itachi a look before giving Naruto a plate with three hot dogs as he sighed.

“Thanks.” Naruto took the plate and started back towards Hidan and Deidara.

“You want me to get rid of them? Hidan is...I’m not even going to say it, but he shouldn’t be here around the kids.” Kisame said, “Just tell me, Itachi, and I’ll make them leave.”

“The pool is for anyone who lives here to use, Kisame, we didn’t reserve it...and I don’t want to start trouble at Sasuke’s party. Maybe they’ll leave or at the very least not cause any problems.”

Kisame gave him a skeptical look at that but said nothing.

Sakura watched as Naruto walked by, “Well, I guess we know who the trailer trash is, don’t we?”

Snickers and laughter came from a couple of the kids surrounding her and another girl with long blonde hair.

“I heard he was hanging out with those two but I couldn’t believe it.” The blonde girl said, “Choji told me, but I didn’t think Mr. Sarutobi would allow that, I guess I was wrong. They're such losers, we watch the videos of them all the time. Next thing you know, Naruto will be getting arrested with them! They probably cook meth in their trailer." She turned to Naruto and gave him a smirk as he walked by, "You'll probably end up in jail like them."

“Ino, that’s awful.” Sakura said but she laughed at it anyways, and a couple others started to giggle too.  

Deidara starred at the girls, shocked that they could say such things. Itachi and Kisame heard everything, and so did Sasuke who was sitting nearby. Sasuke glared at the girls, he had always thought they were pretty decent, they had always been very friendly with him. But how could they say things like that? He never cared much for Naruto, he was obnoxious at school and he got bad grades, but he had never once been mean to anyone. And while Itachi may have made him invite Naruto even though they weren’t really friends, he wasn’t going to sit there and do nothing. 

Naruto’s eyes were burning with unshed tears from anger and embarrassment as he returned with the hotdogs, “Here.” He said, and handed the plate to Hidan, “I’m leaving.”

Hidan squinted through his alcohol and drug induced haze, his high starting to wear off, “Naruto, are you alright?” He wasn't even sure what the girls had said, something about the cops.

“Naruto, you’re not leaving.” Sasuke said, he got up from the chair he had been sitting on and followed him over.

“Who’re you?” Hidan asked, “You look like…” he swayed dangerously on his feet as he scanned the people at the party, “Him!” He pointed at Kisame.

“I think you mean that one, hm.” Deidara moved Hidan’s outstretched arm so his finger was pointing at Itachi.

“Yeah, that’s who I was pointin’ at in the first place.”

"Sure you were, hm." Deidara rolled his eyes.

Naruto shook his head, “Thanks, Sasuke, but...I’m going to go. Um, thank you for inviting me to your birthday party. I really appreciate it and hope you like what I got you.”

“No. I said you’re staying.” He turned to face Sakura and Ino, “You two can go. And whoever else thinks what they said is funny.”

“S,Sasuke…” Sakura started, looking shocked, “I didn’t mean…it was just a joke...we're friends and-”

“No, what you said was awful. You two think you’re so much better than the rest of us here because you have both parents, and live in the new double-wides they built up at the end of the park? And because they have good jobs? Well you’re not! You don’t know what it’s like to not have a family, or to lose them, to lose everything you ever had and everyone you loved! You never have to struggle, you’ve never not had enough to eat because only one person is working and it all goes to bills just to stay from living in a car! Go home. Both of you.”

Ino looked furious and stood up, “Come on, Sakura, we don’t need to stay and be spoken to like this from the trailer trash. Let’s go!” She grabbed Sakura, who managed to look ashamed, and marched out of the pool.

“Sasuke…” Naruto said softly, wiping his eyes, "Thanks."

“And whoever else was laughing at what they said, you can go too.” Sasuke told the rest of the kids. Two got up and left, muttering 'sorry' as they did so.

Itachi watched, he was so proud of Sasuke, the hot dogs burned on the grill and were covered in char, he was about to toss them in the trash when Hidan ran over, sliding in a puddle of water and grabbing onto a table to stop from landing on his face, “No! Don’t throw them away!” He took a plate and put them on and as he was doing so saw the cake Kisame had recently brought out from the freezer.

“Oh shit, what the hell is that?” Hidan's eyes grew wide as he eyed the cake.

“It’s called a cake.” Kisame told him.

“Wow.” Hidan was practically drooling.

Kisame just looked at him, “What cocktail of drugs are you on? You know what a cake is.”

“Well...I don't remember what I'm on.”

“You should leave, we don’t want you around the kids like this.” Itachi said. He really didn’t want people like Hidan around his brother, and he decided he didn’t want them around Naruto either. “Besides, you’ll probably fall in the pool and drown. So go home before you ruin more lives.”

“What are you guys, the trailer park police?” Hidan bit off a bite of a burnt hot dog, and with his mouth full continued talking, “Nice party, by the way, I like the balloons. I never had balloons at my birthday parties, because my parents never threw me any damn parties." He swallowed and took another bite, "They said to me, ‘you fucked up our lives by being born, you’ve got the balls to ask for a damn party? I'm gonna beat your bare ass with my belt, so pull your pants down’ that what they said every damn year…I stopped crying after the third time they did tha...”

Itachi and Kisame looked at each other and before either of them could say anything, Hidan continued.

“You see this.” He held out his arm and pointed at the towel, “Huh, not the towel..." He unwrapped it, blood was still seeping from the stab wound, "My dad used to put his cigarettes out on me. That was my birthday present. I hope you got your brother something better than this.” Hidan was staring at the scar on his forearm, “He’s dead now. My old man.”

“You probably killed him.” Itachi muttered.

“What did you say?!” Hidan demanded.

“Hidan, you should go home and take a nap. Next to a trashcan and sleep on your stomach so you don’t choke to death on your own vomit when you eventually do get sick.” Kisame told him.

“Pfft, I not gonna get sick.” Hidan said, finishing his burnt hot dog, “I want a piece of cake. I’ve never had a birthday cake before. Can I have some?”

“It’s not your birthday and it’s not for you.” Itachi said through clenched teeth, “Go home. Now!”

“It never is...” Hidan looked mournfully at the cake, “Never got a cake...never even have any damn friends to invite me to their parties. But now, you guys are my friends! You can give me a party and I’ll go to your parties! It’ll be so fun! I'll bring the booze and weed!” He smiled, his tears seemingly forgotten, and slung his arm around Itachi’s shoulders and leaned in to sniff his shirt, “Wow, you smell fuckin’ great, what is that?”

“It is called shower gel and deodorant. You should try it sometime, you stink.” Itachi said, removing the arm from around him, “Kisame, call Kakuzu.”

“Oh, I can call him! I have his number in my phone.” Hidan told them, “Is he invited to the party, too? Is he gonna eat cake with me?”

“Yes, he is.” Kisame nodded, “Tell him to come to the birthday party at the pool, right away.”

Going through his contacts, which were not many, Hidan found the one he wanted ‘Hot Manager Kakuzu’ and pressed the green phone icon to call.

“What do you want now?” Kakuzu demanded through the phone when he answered.

“Kakuzuuu!” Hidan greeted him, “Guess what? There’s a great party at the pool! They said you were going to eat cake! With me!”

“Are you drunk or high?”

“Both! Surprise!” Hidan laughed, sounding more like a maniac than not.

Grabbing the phone from him, Kisame moved away so Hidan wouldn't be able to grab it back, “Please come take him away, Kakuzu! He’s scaring the children and ruining the party Itachi planned.”

Kakuzu hung up and Kisame ended the call and found Hidan’s snapchat, he took several pictures of Hidan and sent them to his story, then checked to see who was in his friends on there and almost felt sorry for him when he saw that Hidan only had a few friends and one was Deidara and the other Naruto, a few random people and some dude who was naked and had yellow eyes and green hair and had recently sent Hidan a video. He wished he hadn’t posted to Hidan’s story because he really didn’t want Naruto to see Hidan like this later and decided to remove Naruto as a friend so he would never have to see them. 

Out of curiosity, Kisame tapped on the shirtless guys story, and saw a video of Hidan with a collar around his neck and a finger hooked in the ring at the center front yanking him forward harshly before Hidan snorted a line off the mans abs, ‘You like that, Hidan? I’ve got more if you’re good and fuck yourself on my dick.’ The video ended and next was a picture of Hidan laying in bed on his stomach with his arms bound behind his back, bite marks across his shoulders and a handprint on his cheek, he looked less than thrilled to be there, ‘he doesn’t even know where he is right now, poor thing' captioned across it. Another picture appeared but Kisame only saw it for a split second, it looked like Hidan again, but Kisame couldn't tell what was happening because Itachi suddenly yelled for him.

“Kisame! A little help here!” Itachi shouted and Kisame put Hidan’s phone down to go help steer said man away from the table with the cake on it. He couldn't believe that Sasuke's party had turned into this, he was going to corner Hidan at the dumpsters later to 'talk'. 

Somehow Hidan managed to evade them and grab the knife, “Stay back!” He warned, waving the knife around, “I've got a knife!” He ran his tongue along the blade and then started laughing again.

Several firecrackers suddenly went off, children screamed, and Itachi and Kisame turned to see Deidara trying to distract the kids attention from Hidan, shouting about it being an art show and to watch.

“And you didn’t want to cause a scene by getting rid of these two idiots when they first showed up!” Kisame complained.

While Itachi’s back was turned, Hidan sliced into the cake and took a piece, “Oh shit, is that fuckin’ ice cream?” He spoke in an awed, hushed voice. He took a bite, “An...ice cream cake…oh fuck...it’s so good...Itachi, I’d suck your dick for one of these, that’s how good it is!”

“What is it with you wanting to suck everyone’s dick, hm?!” Deidara shouted.

“Buy me one of these and I’ll suck yours for days!!” Hidan shouted.

"I don't want you to suck my dick anymore!" Diedara screamed at him, he didn't care who was around, they had already made a scene, how much worse could it get?

"Stop it! Both of you!" Kisame shouted, "There's kids here! Go have your domestics in one of your trailers in private!" 

Hidan ignored him and yelled back at Deidara, "You sure fucking liked it when I sucked it the last time!" Hidan took another bite of cake, he didn't think he ever ate anything so good before.

"And I regret it!!" Deidara screamed.

"So do I!!" Hidan screamed back.

“Hidan!” Kakuzu shouted as he walked through the gate, “Why is it whenever there’s a problem around here I can find you or him,” he pointed at Deidara, who had just lit the fuse of one of his big fireworks and was blocking the view of it with his body until Kakuzu turned away, “at the center of it?!”

“Mr. Kakuzuuu! You look hot today!” Hidan greeted him, “Ya gotta try this! It’s cake, but with ice cream!”

“I don’t want any.” Kakuzu said as Hidan came towards him with a fork, “You’re coming with me.”

“Oh Kakuzu, I’ll come with you anytime...” Hidan giggled as he got closer.

“That’s not what I meant! You too Hit and Run, let’s go! And Hidan, you better get away from me with that-” the firework suddenly went off into the air and exploded with a loud boom, some kids screamed while others watched in awe, “What the hell?! Are you trying to start a fire?!” He started towards Deidara just as Hidan tried to feed him some of the cake, his arm outstretched as he held a fork with a bite of cake on it.

Kakuzu dodged the fork and Hidan lost his balance, slipping on the wet cement and falling into the pool. The side of his head hit the edge hard with a sickening crack, leaving a smear of blood behind. He sank like a brick, his eyes open and unseeing as he landed on the bottom, blood came from his nose, ears and arm, swirlling in the water around him.

Children screamed, the cake had landed on the cement, melting away in the summer heat.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke's party is ruined and all the children need therapy, Hidan dies, and Kakuzu has some words for him later as they engage in domestic violence in the driveway.

* * *

 

After a brief moment where no one moved and time seemed to move slowly as Hidan sank, Kisame dove into the pool fully clothed and swam down to pull Hidan out, and as he came back up and pulled Hidan's head above the surface said, “He could have at least had the decency to fall in the shallow end!”

"That's Hidan you're talking about, he doesn't have any decency!" Deidara shouted, then moved forward as Kakuzu hauled his body out of the pool with Itachi's help, "Is he...dead?"

They put Hidan on his back and Itachi checked his pulse, nothing. He looked up at Itachi, “I need your help.”

Kisame nodded and knelt and they began CPR, Itachi blowing into Hidan’s mouth while Kisame pumped his heart.

“Hidan…” Deidara said quietly, then shouted, “You stupid bitch idiot cocksucker! Breathe! I didn't get to yell at you and make you feel bad for what you did!”

“He probably can’t hear you screaming at him, he’s technically dead right now! So stop screaming so we can concentrate here!” Kisame had had it with these two and he pounded on Hidan’s chest.

“Hidan wake up!” Deidara shouted as he stood back with Naruto who was grabbing onto his arm. Kakuzu stood back, his phone in hand, debating whether or not to call 911. He knew that Hidan knew he had buried a body the other night, and decided it was maybe just best if he died, after all, corpses can't talk, so he put his phone back into his pocket.

After several minutes, Kisame and Itachi stopped, “He’s not...this isn’t working.” Kisame said, looking at Itachi, “What do we do?”

“I don’t...I don’t know. Just keep trying!” Itachi said, “Come on, you worthless idiot!” He did not need someone dying at his brothers birthday party on top of everything else, this would be one more thing that was his fault because he didn’t want to get rid of Hidan and Deidara when they first showed up. And while he really did not like Hidan, he didn’t want him to actually die.

They tried for almost ten minutes before Kisame pulled Itachi away, “It’s not working, Itachi. I’m sorry.”

“You stupid fucking bastard.” Itachi shoved away from Hidan and tried to wipe Hidan's blood off his hands and face, "Kisame...get me a wet towel or something," his voice was shaking, "I need to get this off of me!"

Kakuzu was now debating whether or not to call 911 to report a dead drowning victim when a few minutes later, Hidan’s eyes flew open and he rolled over and coughed up water, “What happened...my head! It fucking hurts!” He put his hand to the side of his head and brought it away to see blood and he stood, pushing Kisame and Itachi away as they tried to hold him down and stumbling into Kakuzu who caught him, “Aw, Kuzu...you caught me…”

“You need to go home. Now!”

“Um no. I think he might actually need a doctor. And why didn’t you call 911?!” Itachi demanded, “He had no pulse for over ten minutes! You’ve just been standing there watching!”

“Maybe I do need a doctor, but my job at the club doesn’t come with health insurance so...not happening. The only health care they provide's STD testing.” Hidan leaned heavily on Kakuzu, “Just so you know, I don’t have any diseases. Mmm...you smell nice.”

“It’s called a shower.”

“Shower gel, showers, wow...everyone smells great and I just want a piece of that fucking cake.” Hidan sounded like a whiny child and looked up at Kakuzu with big, sad eyes, “Will you get me a piece? My head hurts…so does my stomach. Fuck...what happened to me?”

“You fucked up, Hidan, you ruined a kids party, that's what happened. And No! I won’t get you a piece of that cake.” Kakuzu walked him out of the pool area with Deidara’s reluctant help, Hidan was not light, especially not when he was fighting Kakuzu to still try to get to that poor cake he had already butchered, somehow taking a slice from the middle of it, and the two took him home.

“That was disgusting…” Itachi muttered, wiping his mouth on a napkin, “God only knows where that mouth has been…”

“Probably on Deidara’s dick, and others," he lowered his voice, "I saw some weird stuff on Snapchat while I had his phone. Itachi, you should maybe disinfect your mouth somehow.” Kisame nodded, “Maybe even go to the doctor. I think he sleeps around a lot. And he snorts coke. Who knows what else he does.”

Itachi looked at the cake, it was melting and ruined, and he wanted to throw it and Hidan into a dumpster and forget about them. He had just wanted to give his brother a nice birthday party and it turned out to be a total nightmare. As angry tears burned his eyes, he turned his back on the kids that were standing there in shock. He felt Kisame wrap an arm around his shoulder as he wiped his eyes.

“Hey, Itachi, it’s alright. Sasuke got an unforgettable birthday, you can’t deny that, complete with free fireworks.” Kisame tried to lighten the mood, he hated when Itachi was upset, “You wouldn’t have been able to get rid of them without a scene, even if you had tried. It could have been worse.” He pulled Itachi close, “At least no one died...”

“Kisame…” Itachi sighed, but Kisame saw the smile he was trying to hide. Sure, Itachi thought, it could have been worse but it could have been a lot better too. 

"At least he sees his therapist next week?" Kisame was trying to help.

"Shut up..." Itachi sighed, "I'm going to have to go back to mine after this." 

 

Once Hidan was in his bed, which was just a mattress on the floor with a sheet over the top, and propped up on his side with several pillows and a trashcan near his head, Kakuzu pulled Deidara out into the living room.

“Tell me what he’s on.”

“He broke into my trailer- you'll have to replace my window by the way- already high and started drinking. Then he smoked some weed. I asked what he took and he said he didn’t know, that he couldn't remember.” Deidara paused, “So I don’t know what he's on. He never came home last night.”

Kakuzu had considered looking around but if Hidan hadn't come home then whatever he took, he took somewhere else. He decided to at least search Hidan’s pockets, all he found was some cash that was folded up and held together with a rubber band.  He set it down on the nightstand after considering taking it, and straightened up.

Deidara was watching Hidan sleep, there was a red stain forming under the side of his head, and Deidara turned away, “Shouldn’t we ah, do something about the bleeding?”

“I’m a trailer park manager, not a doctor.” Kakuzu told him, "I don't know, get a towel or something."

Deidara frowned, “I don’t know...it seems like he should really see a doctor. I can’t handle blood.”

Kakuzu knew Deidara was right but Hidan couldn’t afford a hospital bill, “Call 911 if you want, are you planning to pay the bill though?”

Deidara shook his head.

“He’ll probably be fine, just make sure he sleeps on his side or stomach and if he survives the night, he’ll live. Oh, and if you need anything, call 911, _not me!_ ”

“You’re...leaving?” Deidara asked.

“Why should I stay? You’re his boyfriend or-”

“He is _not_ my boyfriend!” Deidara almost shouted, “We’re not...we’re just friends, that’s it. Maybe not even that anymore.”

“If him killing someone and going to prison for it didn’t make you stop being his friend, I don’t see why him ruining a kids birthday would. You were out there lighting off illegal fireworks.”

"Whatever, I guess I'll have to fucking handle it..."

"Good." Kakuzu left, slamming the door behind him and wondered where Hidan's car was, at least he hadn't driven himself home.

 

Hidan survived, and swore he would never eat another hot dog as long as he lived. Him and Deidara were the topic of all the gossip going around. There was an entire newsletter devoted to them crashing the birthday party, complete with color photos and even a link to the private youtube channel viewable by password only with video of Hidan trying to spoon feed Kakuzu some cake and falling into the pool as firecrackers went off in the background. 

Deidara’s neighbor yelled at him as he came home from his summer classes at the same time she was carrying groceries into her trailer, “They should have evicted you when you ran over my boy!”

“I ran over his bike, hm! Not him! Get your facts straight! It's probably on film somewhere and if I need to, I could probably get a hold of it to prove it so don't even think about trying to fucking sue me again!”

A boy with messy brown hair walked up the steps with a bag of groceries, “Mom...please…”

“Quiet, Kiba! He’s a menace, him and that other one, Hidan, the drug addict. I don’t want you anywhere near them, do you hear me? You keep your distance! They’re trailer trash!”

“Mom, stop…he’s our neighbor, how far can I possibly stay when we literally live next door to him...” Kiba said, “We’re not exactly high class...you were a stripper.”

“I did it because I had to! Your dad couldn’t handle me and ran off!” She laughed loudly at that.

“Mom, I’m...I’m going to take Akamaru for a walk…”

“Make sure he does his business in one of their driveways!” She laughed again and walked inside.

 

Sasuke invited Naruto to hang out with him and offered to study with him after school, which meant he wouldn’t see Hidan much. Itachi had suggested it after he learned that Naruto needed a place to do his homework, and Sasuke agreed. They wanted him to be around Hidan and Deidara as little as possible.

“Hidan’s not so bad, I wish people wouldn’t say those things about him. I’ve never seen him like that before...he said he was really stressed about something the day before.” Naruto said as he worked on his math homework. Sasuke didn’t say anything, and Naruto went on, “If it wasn’t for him, I’d be stuck outside doing my homework all summer, and he gave me snacks and lunch when I was hungry.”

It hadn’t escaped Sasuke’s notice that he rarely had lunch at school, sometimes just a snack but usually nothing, "Are you hungry?"

“Yeah, I'm a little.”

“Come on. Let’s see what there is.” Sasuke didn’t want to say anything about Hidan, but he had ruined his party and ruined the cake his brother spent a lot of money on that no one even got to eat, and he was pissed about that. He had heard Itachi crying that night, and wished he didn’t have to have a stupid party, but Itachi insisted, said he needed one and would look back later and be happy he did. When they got home after Hidan was removed from the pool area, Itachi had sat down on the couch with Kisame and told him, _‘You know, Sasuke, you don’t have to have a party if you don’t want one anymore. After today...I should have listened to you. Next year, we’ll just invite a couple of your friends and eat some half price cupcakes from the store. Maybe go to see a movie or something...’_

When Itachi got home that night, he found Sasuke helping Naruto with math homework while Kisame put dishes away. Kisame often stopped by after work when he could to make sure Sasuke wasn't home alone all day and to be able to see Itachi, or he wouldn't see him until the weekends, or on his days off.

“I’m home, Sasuke.” Itachi called out tiredly as he held up a roasted chicken, “I got a chicken for dinner. Ah, Naruto you’re here, too, would you like to stay for dinner?”

His blue eyes lit up, “I’d love to!!”

“Hey, what about me?” Kisame asked as he stepped out of the kitchen.

“Well, I think there’s enough for you, too.” Itachi smiled as he put the container holding the chicken on the table, “So, I suppose you could stay as well.”

“Come on, Naruto, come sit down!” Kisame called to the boy who was still working on his homework.

 

Hidan sat on his porch steps smoking a cigarette, he watched the video Zetsu had sent him again and again. Zetsu had him pinned down and was biting him so hard he bled while Hidan was telling him to stop. What kind of asshole took videos of people like that?! He couldn't remember doing anything with him and his hands shook as he held his phone. He had called and screamed curses at him, and the next time he saw him, he planned to beat the shit out of him if he didn't outright kill him. Seething with anger, Hidan slammed his phone down on the wooden porch, probably cracking the screen but he really didn't care. He needed to stop watching the video but he couldn't. What kind of fucked up shit did he get himself into...He had tried to apologize to Deidara but he wouldn’t respond to any of his texts and when he tried calling, most of the time they went to straight to voicemail. About to pick up his phone again and replay the video, he saw Naruto walk by, his backpack slung over one shoulder, “Hey, Naruto.” He didn’t see much of him at all since the birthday party, but then again he spent two days in bed, sicker than he could remember being in a long time. And then he had stayed in, not feeling like going outside at all for several more days. Obito had called and he lied and told him he had a stomach flu. He couldn't stand the thought of going back there and asked for a week off. Surprisingly, they gave it to him.  

“Hidan, hey, how’s it going? You look...better.” Naruto smiled and walked over.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Hidan flicked the ashes from his cigarette.

“I hope you’re ok now. I’ve never seen anyone like that. Itachi says you were on drugs. Were you?” Naruto suddenly shook his head, “You know, I shouldn’t ask you that, I’m just a kid, right?! I should uh, get home, the old man will probably be wondering where I am…”

“Wait.” Hidan said, “You know, I consider you a friend. And yeah...I was on drugs. I'm sorry for ruining the birthday party. It was pretty fucking stupid, even for me. You be good, Naruto, ok? Don’t end up like me.”

Naruto smiled at him, “You’re not so bad, Hidan. I have to go now! See you later!”

Hidan scoffed, he wasn’t so bad? That kid had no idea. He snuffed out his cigarette on the step below him and then started another. Halfway through it, he was just about to go in when he looked up and saw Kakuzu walking towards him.

Kakuzu waved the smoke out of his face, “Your probation officer was here earlier, looking for you. I don’t know why so don’t ask.”

“Oh fuck…” Why had he come around? He just met with him a few days ago.

“Oh fuck is right.” Kakuzu agreed, “What the hell is going on with you, Hidan? You crash a kids birthday party while drunk and high and almost get yourself killed! Is that what you do for fun? Should everyone expect a performance like that at their parties?! You’re lucky no one called the cops. You’re lucky _I_ didn’t call the cops or evict you!”

“You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?!”

“Keep it up and I will.”

Hidan puffed on his cigarette, and with it his between his lips, asked, “What’d you tell my PO?”

Kakuzu smirked at him, Hidan was going to hate him, “I told him that you were at the community college signing up for classes for the fall.”

 _“What?!”_ The cigarette fell from Hidan’s lips and landed on his thigh.

“While he was irritated you weren't available, he seemed mildly impressed and told me he would be back tomorrow afternoon. That gives you all tomorrow morning to go sign up for something.”

The cigarette burned through Hidan’s jeans and he jumped up off the steps, shouting, and slapping his thigh, “Ow! Dammit!”

“You better thank me, you piece of shit.”

“I’m not a fucking piece of shit, old man.” He fanned his thigh and stomped on the still burning cigarette so nothing would catch fire, that was the last thing he needed, to start the next brush fire, “And really? _Thank you?_ I have to go sign up for some shit classes I don’t fucking want! What’s there to thank your crusty old ass for?!”

Kakuzu couldn’t believe it, was Hidan really that stupid? Maybe he was, maybe he had brain damage from all the drugs he took.

“I had to come up with something! If I hadn’t said that, maybe he’d have written you up, he seemed rather upset when you weren’t home and not answering your phone. I don’t know if you’d be arrested or not for it. Plus I bought you another day to work that shit out of your system, in case he wants to test you! Don’t you fucking get it, Hidan!?” 

Hidan found it somewhat terrifying, and very exciting that Kakuzu was yelling at him.

“They would have discovered all the drugs in your system, whatever they were! They could have put you back in jail, unless that’s what you want! Is it?! Do you want to go back?”

The thought of going back made his blood run cold and Hidan shook his head, “Fuck no!”

“Than you can fucking thank me for saving your pathetic ass.”

“Pathetic?! Ha! Fuck you!”

“No thanks, I like my fucks a little less trashy than you.”

Hidan didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late and his fist hit Kakuzu’s jaw, “Oh shit.” 

Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the throat, “You’re going to regret that.” He squeezed enough to cut off most of the air to Hidan’s lungs and then threw him onto the pavement, “If you don’t sign up for something tomorrow, I’ll tell Officer Sarutobi everything, I’ll show him that stupid fucking newsletter with your pictures all over it and the video, and I’ll throw in how you attacked me tonight, too.”

Hidan wheezed and coughed, his hand rubbing his throat, blood seeping from a cut on his lip and his scraped cheek. He knew he’d have road burn on his side where he slid on the asphalt. He was pissed, his bruises were starting to fade and how he'd have more.

“I was dead…” Hidan spat, “Why couldn’t you cocksuckers have left me that way?! Huh?!”

Kakuzu paused, “You weren’t dead.”

“Yes, I was! I. Was. Dead!! Why couldn’t you have left me like that!! Why can’t I just die?! What did they do to me?!” Hidan screamed, going red in the face, and rushed forward, barreling into Kakuzu, his arms going around his waist and knocking him to the ground, they wrestled for several minutes, each of them landing punches on the other.

“What is going on out here?!” Hiruzen demanded as he opened the side door of his trailer, “Naruto! Stay inside!”

“But that’s Hidan!” Naruto tried to push his way past Hiruzen but he was grabbed by his upper arm, “Ow!”

“I said to stay inside, boy! Why can’t you ever listen?” The old man yanked Naruto back into the trailer, it didn’t go unnoticed by Kakuzu who was now on top of Hidan, pinning him down.

“I’m calling the police.” Hiruzen called out.

“No!” Kakuzu and Hidan yelled at the same time.

“I have it under control.” Kakuzu added, “Just go back inside, I don’t need the police out here tonight.”

“I think it’s best if they come out and take that man away-”

“I said no! And if you don’t do as I say, I’ll be calling CPS out here for a health and welfare check. There’s been several complaints about screaming and yelling coming from your trailer on a daily basis. And I saw how you grabbed him like that. Some people think he’s underweight. Some people have said you lock him out of his own house in the middle of the day when it’s too hot to be out.”

Hiruzen’s eyes narrowed, “Fine, no cops. You better take care of him though,” he pointed a bony finger at Hidan, “he’s an animal.”

Once he went back in, Kakuzu muttered, “That’s what I thought.”

Without thinking, Hidan pushed himself off the ground as Kakuzu looked back down at him, and attempted to kiss him. Kakuzu shoved him away and held him down.

Kakuzu leaned forward, his eyes on Hidan’s lips before moving back up to his pink eyes, “If you want me so bad why don’t you get yourself clean, sign up for some damn classes and get a real job. One where you don’t parade around naked, or mostly naked I'm not sure what you do, for money, and get your shit life together. Then Hidan, come and see me. Maybe then I’ll consider fucking you.”

He stood then and pulled Hidan to his feet, “Blackmailing me for sex? That’s pretty low.”

“You’re fucking ridiculous. You think that’s blackmail? I’m done here.” He let go of Hidan’s hand and dusted himself off and started to walk away wiping blood from his nose and flicked it onto the ground.

Hidan watched him go. So, he was that trashy Kakuzu wouldn’t touch him, huh? Well, fuck him, Hidan thought and spit out a mouthful of saliva and blood before going inside and slamming the door so hard it flew back open and Hidan had to kick it closed. He wasn't pathetic, and he liked his job! It wasn't boring and he made decent money. Squeezing his phone in his hand, he threw it down to the other end of his trailer. Kakuzu didn't know what he was talking about, Hidan thought he was perfectly fucking happy just as he was and he wasn't going to change for anyone. He lit another cigarette and sat down in the middle of his couch and tried to watch TV. Nothing was coming in though and he shut it off and sat there in silence, the occasional dog barking or car driving by and kids playing in the street could be heard. 

With nothing else to do, Hidan decided to shower and figure out where the community college was, and then went to bed, at least he might get a decent night's sleep. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan visits the community college where Granny Chiyo plays dead. Later, Asuma visits Hidan at home, and then Hidan and Deidara talk, it doesn't go well.

The next day Hidan woke up early and drove out to the community college. He had never been there before and didn’t know what to do and decided he had better start in the office. If he could find it.

Why did the campus have to be so large and spread out everywhere? He thought they should have the office near the main parking lot but apparently whoever designed the place didn’t think so. He walked all over the place before finally finding the office.

Unsure of what to do or who to talk to, he saw an old woman sitting at a desk behind the counter, sleeping. She looked so old, Hidan wondered why she was there and not enjoying her retirement.

“Uh, lady?” He called, she didn’t respond so he tried again, louder, “Excuse me, old lady?”

She didn’t even move an inch and he walked around, ‘Fuck, she must be dead…’ He took a pen off the desk and poked her with it.

Suddenly she sat up, Hidan screamed and threw the pen, leaping backwards and slamming his back in the counter, “What the fuck?!”

She just laughed, “Gotcha! I’m Ms. Chiyo, my hobbies include playing dead and pretending to be senile. Now, young man, how can I help you?”

“You can help by getting me a new heart because I think I just had a fucking heart attack!!” He took a deep breath and let it out.

“I'm sorry, but I don’t deal in black market organs. Now, what do you need? Are you a student?”

After explaining that he wanted to sign up for some classes, she seemed very excited and handed him a booklet, “You can choose from here, young man, if you want to take it home and look it over-”

“I don’t have time, I have to register for them like right now.”

“Oh, well, then just take a seat and I’ll help you when you’ve decided which classes to take.”

He thanked her and sat down and started to look through the book.

Hidan did not want to take math, or anything like that. So he stayed away from those subjects and looked over other classes. He was not going to sign up for drama, and would stay away from the art classes...Deidara was still pissed at him. He really hated being there, and turned each page more violently than the previous page. What was a few random classes going to do for him anyways?!

“Do you need any help?” Chiyo asked, watching as he flipped the pages so hard they were starting to tear.

“Yeah...look, I’ll be honest, my parole officer is expecting me to sign up for some classes because someone lied and told him I was and now I _have_ to. But I don’t want shit like math or English or science, I don’t- I don’t want to fucking be here, alright!? I just need something that will look good, like I’m trying to better myself, you know?”

She nodded and took the booklet from him, “And _are_ you trying to better yourself or do you just want to look like it and will drop out or do the bare minimum and barely pass?”

Hidan was quiet for a moment, “Maybe I was just going to fuck around about this but...maybe I should actually try...Shit! I don’t know, lady. I’m a piece of shit and maybe I should try to not be one. Hell, I don’t know what I want anymore.” He stared at his shoes, unable to look the old woman in the face.

She nodded, as if she were thinking about something, “I think that’s a good start, trying to not be a piece of shit. Well then…since regular college courses wouldn’t seem to suit you...” she flipped to the back of the booklet, “We have a selection of vocational courses here, welding, automotive, let's see...there are some courses for contractors, and electricians. Here, take a look. I’m sure you can find something that interests you. Your parole officer would be more impressed with something like this than if you were to enroll in math classes anyways. And once you pass the course we help you find an internship and they usually hire the students after completing it.”

Hidan thought that didn't sound too bad and took the book as she held it out for him. He didn’t think he wanted to be a contractor or an electrician. He could see himself wiring a house wrong and burning it down. Deidara would be good at that, and he almost laughed but didn't.

“Hmm…” He bit his lip, thinking back to Kakuzu telling him to get his shit life together. He thought he liked dancing, and at first he did, but it wasn’t a long term thing. And it was quickly losing it’s appeal to him. Especially after what Zetsu did, that had been beyond fucked up. It had been the night after he was attacked, too...his blood boiled at the thought and his fingers tightened on the pages, crinkling them.

“You know, welding sounds cool, and-”

“There’s also some food safety and sanitation courses, a baking course.”

Hidan shook his head, “I’m not into baking, I'd probably end up killing people with my baked goods. I think the welding and auto mechanic thing sounds cool though. One of those, or even both, might impress him…” He wasn’t sure if he was thinking of Asuma or Kakuzu, or maybe both.

“Take a look through everything, and make sure you have the time on the days the classes meet. I would advise only taking one of the courses, you won't have time for both. I’ll give you some time, just let me know when you’re ready.” She hobbled back to her desk, muttering something about her hip and sat down.

It didn’t take him long to decide, he really was not interested in hospitality or food service jobs and he didn’t think flower arranging was a good sustainable career. Who even did that? He didn’t have the money to open a florist shop, not that he even wanted to. So he got up and told the old lady he wanted to sign up for the mechanic course, and she happily enrolled him. While he waited and filled out paperwork, he got an idea and looked up, “So, I probably need to quit my job so I can take these classes and finish before I’m your age. And I was thinking, I’m a stripper, so I know I look good, maybe I can be a nude model for the art class and make some extra cash. Can I sign up for that here or not? And does it pay good?” Kakuzu wouldn’t think that was so bad, would he? It was art, that was different than what he currently did. People went and looked at naked paintings and statues in museums all the time and didn’t get turned on. It was classy. He could show Kakuzu how classy he could be! He grinned at the thought of taking a picture of a painting of himself and sending to the older man and giggled to himself over it. Maybe that would pique the old man's interest!

She laughed and shook her head, “We don’t allow students to do any nude modeling, I’m sorry, but you could do clothed modeling, also you might look around to see if there’s any art classes that are not sponsored by the college, then you would be able to sign up with them. But you won't make a living doing that.”

“Thanks, old lady! You’re really helpful, you know that?” He smiled as sweetly as he could, “You don’t happen to know of any art classes that are looking for models, do you? It doesn’t have to be for nude modelling, I’ll sit there in clothes, too.”

“Actually...my grandson probably does, he teaches art off campus in private classes. He is a very great artist, but is a bit of a recluse and sometimes a little odd...or I would give you his phone number. Hmm, how about you come back here next Monday morning at ten and I can give you information.”

“Thanks,” he gave her his most charming smile, “don’t you go dying before then, alright? And thanks for all your help today. My probation officer is going to be so impressed with me! And maybe Kakuzu, too!” He grinned as he took his papers, feeling like maybe he was finally doing something worthwhile with himself.

“Oh, I’m sure they will be.” She didn’t seem to know what to say so she pat his hand and smiled up at him like a grandma, “You stay out of trouble, young man, and good luck with everything. And be sure to come back here next Monday at ten! I have no plans of dying, I'm going to be around a while yet.”

“I will! Thanks again.” He smiled at her and left, wondering why Deidara always wanted to blow her hip off, she seemed like a nice old lady.

 

He stopped at the 99 Cent store on the way home and bought some food, a pack of off brand cola, a flamingo pool float along with a deodorant and body wash. Then went next door to the liquor store and bought a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of rum, not wanting to have to ask Deidara for his alcohol back. He could keep it, he probably poured it out or drank it himself, and his knives...he could keep those for the time being as well.  

 

Once home he left the alcohol in his trunk, wrapped up in a jacket, took the rest of the stuff in, put the food away, then took a shower. He stepped under the spray of cool water and winced as all the cuts and scrapes from the night before stung under the water. He wondered if he should start wearing a shirt more often. Just as he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist there was a knock on his door. He felt his heart pound in his chest as he scrambled to pull on his jeans and a t-shirt and tried to make his hair look halfway presentable.

“Hidan.”

“Officer Sarutobi.” He responded, all while thinking, ‘Nasty ass pig. Oink. Oink.’

“So, you’ve been fighting.” He motioned that he wanted to come inside and Hidan let him in, “I saw the blood on the ground and your face tells me it’s true so don’t try to lie.”

“It wasn’t really a fight, it was more of a...discussion…”

“With fists? Who was the other person?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“I didn’t see your name in any police reports but I know they were called out the other day for a man fitting your description causing a disturbance at the pool. When the police got here though, no one was around. So, that’s why I came out yesterday to check on you. You weren’t here though. I spoke with your manager and he told me you were registering for classes.” He was about the same height as Hidan but somehow was able to look down at him, “Did you?”

“I did.”

“I’d like to see the proof.” He didn’t believe Hidan, but when he had the paperwork shoved in his face, and after he took it and was able to actually look at it, he had to admit his was impressed, “Auto shop, it suits you. If you do well, this could open some doors for you. But I notice something...these papers are dated today.” 

“Yeah, I went yesterday but I couldn’t decide on anything and the old lady there told me I should come back today after thinking about it and filling out all the forms, I was taking up space in the office and there were other students waiting.”

Dark eyes studied him, Asuma knew it was a lie, but he accepted it, at least he had signed up for something and seemed to be trying to make an effort, “Alright, Hidan...I'll buy that excuse. Now, about the gun.”

“Aw fuck…”

“Can you go two minutes without swearing?”

Hidan pretended to think about it before saying, “No!” He paused, "Shit. Fuck. Ass-"

Asuma sighed, irritated, “Look, I’m trying to help you out here, some officers are real hard liners, like my father was. Obviously, I haven’t reported it.”

Hidan tilted his head, “So what are you saying?” 

“I'm saying that I don't know why but I don't want to see you arrested again. I want to keep it, let me have it and-”

“What?! That was my father’s and-”

“I’ll give you a good price for it. It’s a nice gun.”

Hidan’s eyes narrowed, “Is this a fuckin’ trap, pig?”

“No, it's not.” Asuma huffed and lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke in Hidan's face, “I collect guns, I want it for my collection, it’s illegal for you to have anyways.”

Hidan paced the living room, “I don’t know...this seems like a set up.”

“It’s not.”

“Well I don’t trust you!” Hidan shouted, throwing his hands in the air, "I really fucking don't, alright?! How do I know you're not setting me up?!”

Asuma sighed, “I haven’t reported it yet, have I? And if I was trying to set you up, I wouldn't have to resort to this. All I would have to do is report it. Think about it, Hidan.”

Hidan stopped his pacing, “I don’t know...there’s something weird about all this...How come I moved in next door to your old man? Huh?!”

“I have no idea, it’s just a coincidence, Hidan.”

“Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t! I think it isn't!"

“What are all those bruises from, around your neck?” Asuma asked, "And on your wrists. Did someone attack you?" 

Hidan looked at them, they were finally fading but not as fast as he would have liked, “They're...A reminder of a real fuckin’ bad decision I made, that’s what. Look, just..." Hidan looked at Asuma for a long time before his shoulders sagged and he ran his hands through his hair, he just wanted the man out of his trailer, "Whatever, you want the fuckin’ gun so bad? Fine, keep that shit! I was probably gonna try to kill myself with it but that wouldn't work so you can have it. And I’ll take the damn money for it. I hated my father, at least I get some money out of him now.”

Asuma nodded, "Alright, good decision, Hidan." He  the fading bruises on his wrists and the stab wound that had scabbed over, “Did you get in trouble with someone you-”

“Don’t pretend to fucking care about me!” Hidan shouted, “You got what you came here for, you can keep the fucking gun, just give me the money and get the fuck out!!”

Asuma took a step back and reached into his back pocket. As he pulled out his wallet, Hidan flinched, but Asuma held up a worn, black leather wallet, “Just my wallet, Hidan.”

“I knew that!” Could this guy just leave already?! Hidan couldn't stand being around him any longer.

“Here.” He opened it and took out some cash, “I think it’s a fair price.”

“I honestly don’t give a rats ass how much it's worth. I hated my old man and he hated me. You're leaving now, right?! We're done?” Hidan grabbed the bills, his hands shaking, and didn’t even bother to count them, he was too worked up, and just shoved them into his back pocket.

“See you next month, stay out of trouble.” Asuma told him and left.

As soon as he was gone, Hidan stood there, shaking, trying to swallow the saliva that filled his mouth but gave up and ran to the bathroom and immediately threw up in the toilet. He hated Asuma, and cursed him while hanging his head over the toilet. Why did he have to come to his home like that? He could have waited, maybe told him ahead of time what he would come by for, but no, he just showed up unannounced. Hidan flushed and got up. As he stood in front of the sink he looked in the mirror, thinking that he looked like absolute shit and felt like it too. After he brushed his teeth, he washed his face and hands and went to go lay down and try to sleep. 

  
  
Deidara had avoided Hidan for days, deleted his texts and sent his calls to voicemail and if he did answer, he immediately ended the call. But he knew sooner or later they needed to talk, he was just too angry at the time. But it had been a week now, and Deidara picked up his phone and sent a text to Hidan.

‘We need to talk.’

He waited, expecting a reply, but none came and he sent another. How dare he ignore him now?! 

‘Don’t ignore me, Hidan. We need to talk, and we’re going to talk now!’

‘I was trying to sleep but fine. Where do you want to talk?’

‘My place. Get your ass over here. I’m not going to have this put on that fucking youtube channel.’

Deidara waited. He had put a cardboard box in the window with duct tape, Kakuzu had been ignoring his requests for a new window and Deidara hoped he wouldn’t have to pay for it himself. Which he wouldn't. He had been looking up renters rights, and he could withhold rent if Kakuzu didn't get that fixed soon. 

 

Hidan walked up and knocked, looking at the cardboard box where the window used to be, feeling worse the longer he looked at it.

“Hidan.” Deidara said as he opened the door, “Come in.”

“I’m sorry, about the window.”

“Good, you should be.”

There were still blood stains on the carpet but Deidara had done his best to scrub them out.

“Can I sit?” Hidan asked.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

He sat down on one end of the couch and waited.

“Alright, Hidan, look, you fucked up big time! You really hurt me, more than I thought you ever would, hm!”

“I’m sorry about the window, fuck, I’ll pay to have it fixed. I’ll pay for someone to come clean your carpet too. And I’m really sorry about the way I acted and ruined that kids party.”

“What about the other thing? What about what you did?!” Deidara demanded, and when Hidan didn't speak up fast enough, Deidara went on, “You fucked someone else! You went and fucked someone that wasn't me!!”

“I-”

“I can forgive you for the window and for making me stab you! I can forgive what you did at the pool! But what I haven’t been able to get over is that you went home with someone, and you fucked them!! I thought _we_ were fuck buddies, so we wouldn’t have to go and get it from other people that maybe we didn’t know, or whatever!! I really liked you, Hidan! I thought you liked me, too!!!”

Hidan pressed himself further and further against the back of the couch with each word that came from Deidara’s mouth. And when he finally confessed that he liked him, Hidan felt himself crumple. He opened his mouth and closed it several times before finally speaking. “I’m really sorry, Deidara. I made a really bad choice and I regret it more than you’ll ever know.”

“Was it good?! Did you like it? Was it better than it was with me?” Deidara’s eyes burned with tears and he tried to blink them away, “Tell me Hidan! How was it?!”

Was it good? Hidan couldn’t believe what he was hearing, Deidara really just asked him that? The rational part of his brain told him that Deidara had no idea what happened, but that part was being drowned out fast.

“Was it good?” Hidan repeated, his voice quiet and devoid of any emotion, he closed his eyes for a moment. He wanted to scream at Deidara, how dare he say that to him?! He wanted to show him the video, the one he couldn’t stop watching and the others he had found. He wanted to scream in his face how he couldn’t remember any of it. He wanted to scream that he had told Zetsu to stop and he wouldn't. But he either didn’t want to or couldn’t say anything.

He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, and he swallowed hard, “You know what? Yeah. Yeah, it was really fucking good, Deidara!” As soon as he said it he wanted to throw up but his stomach was completely empty. 

“Fuck you.” Deidara spat.

He needed to get out of there, he couldn’t stand to look at, or hear Deidara and he didn't trust himself around him any longer. 

“When you want to talk and not be an asshole, call me.” Hidan told him as he got up and started for the door.

“Gonna go fuck that guy again?! Hope you have fun!”

Hidan whirled around, that was it! He got into Deidara's face, hands balled into fists and it was all he could do not to beat the crap out of the other man. “Shut the fuck up, Diedara!! You don’t even know what you’re saying!!” Hidan screamed, his hands balled into fists, “Don’t ever,  _ever_ talk to me about this again! Don't bring this up _ever again_ or I'll _never_ speak to you the rest of my fucking life!!” He had to get out of there before he lost control and did something he would regret, he turned and reached for the door, throwing it open so hard it bounced off the wall, the doorknob probably leaving a dent.

“Don’t worry, I won’t, hm! And the way you're going, you'll be dead before New Years so it won't be all that long you don't talk to me!!” Deidara followed him to the door and slammed it shut as soon as Hidan was out.

As Hidan walked home, he got a text from Madara telling him to come in to work.

"Fuck that shit." Hidan muttered and lit a cigarette. He had another day off before he had to go back, why should he go in a day early?

When he still hadn’t responded to the text an hour later, his phone rang and he jumped, it was Madara again.

He waited a moment before answering it, “What?”

“You get my message?”

“Uh, no.” Hidan lied, he had seen it, he just hadn't read it.

“Well, I know that's a lie. Anyways, you will come in to work. I know you have another day off, but Obito wasn’t in his right mind allowing you to take an entire week off. That was ridiculous.”

“I...I’m still kinda sick, wouldn’t want to-”

“Cut the crap, Hidan. I know you weren’t actually sick. I know _exactly_ what happened, pretty much everyone here does. Bad call on your part to go home with Zetsu. Did you think you were friends? He doesn't have friends, he uses people to get what he wants. Are you coming in, or not?”

Hidan hesitated, he wanted to tell Madara to go fuck himself and his club, but he really needed the money and until he got something else going he really had no choice. He asked if Zetsu would be there and Madara huffed into the phone, clearly irritated.

“Not that it should matter, but no, he’s not scheduled for tonight. Now, get your pretty little ass down here or you don’t have a job.” Madara hung up and Hidan stood there, staring at his phone.

He almost called back and quit over the phone, but he didn't. He ran through a few ideas in his mind and considered growing marijuana. That would be profitable. Too bad he didn’t have a private backyard...But maybe he could grow some in the trailer...he had an extra room that wasn’t being used for anything. But remembering that he got surprise visits from his parole officer who liked to search his place, he ditched the idea. He needed to look for something else and fast. So he made himself presentable and dressed for work and left, his skin crawling at the thought of Zetsu being there, if not tonight it would be another night, looking at him. Shaking his head, Hidan exhaled, and grabbed his wallet and keys and left. He didn’t have much of a choice at the moment, he didn’t want to get evicted. Hidan slid into the driver seat and shut the door and turned the engine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading and for your comments. I had a lot going on since I last updated and couldn't reply to everyone, I apologize but I still appreciate your comments. Hidan and Deidara will eventually be friends again, but right now Deidara is hurt and doesn't know what happened, he will find out at some point though and then they'll both have to talk like adults and be a little more mature about it. Sorry it is shorter than usual, but it was a good place to end it and I thought it would be nice to update it sooner rather than later.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itachi has a clogged tub and Kakuzu has a junk pile. Many phone calls take place. Someone calls the police on Hidan. Hidan calls Kakuzu from jail. Kakuzu calls Pein.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note- The KisIta is probably the only wholesome thing in this entire fic, and I’m glad and I hope you enjoy them. Sorry it’s taken me a long time to update, I’ve had to deal with a lot of stuff recently. But thanks for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it. Please enjoy.

* * *

 

When Hidan entered the building for work, he immediately started looking around for Zetsu, he was nowhere in sight and Hidan was soon greeted by Madara who looked him up and down. “Hidan. You look well enough to work. Though I expect you to at least make an attempt to cover those bruises. Go find someone and ask for help.” He walked away before Hidan could even respond.

“Fuckin’ asshole…” Hidan muttered and started down the hallway towards the dressing rooms.

He asked one of the girls to help him, and had a bag of makeup thrust towards him, “I’d do it for you but I was late and Madara’s pissed tonight for some reason, sorry.” She gave an apologetic look and hurried out, leaving Hidan on his own to figure it out. Sitting himself in front of a mirror, he sorted through her bag and picked out some powder and started to brush it on with one of the makeup brushes on the table. It helped, but didn’t cover everything completely, he didn’t even care, and a lot of people seemed to give him better tips when he had bruises and cuts and scrapes on him. With that thought, Hidan quickly got a towel, wet it in the bathroom and wiped the powder away. He needed all the money he could make. He did end up putting some eyeshadow and eyeliner on. Perfectly winging the eyeliner, and went out onto the floor.

Halfway through his shift, he felt someone behind him. Whoever it was, they were way too close and Hidan turned to find Zetsu leering at him, his face inches from his own.

“Hidan, don’t you look so pretty tonight.” Zetsu ran his fingers down Hidan’s bare arm and let his eyes rake over him.

The touch made Hidan’s skin crawl and he visibly recoiled, “Get the fuck away from me right now.” Hidan growled, “I won’t tell you again.”

“Oh, come on, we had some fun and that was that. Of all people, I didn’t think you would turn out to be such a prude about it.”

“Fun? Fun?!” Hidan turned to face him, “You think that was fun?!”

Zetsu’s smile twisted, “You got some free coke, damn good coke I might add, you forgot your troubles for a while and I made you cum so many times while I got to make some money off it. That coke wasn’t free you know. So what the fuck is your problem, Hidan? You got something, I got something.”

That was it. Hidan snapped. Lunging at Zetsu he tackled him to the ground, screaming obscenities at him as his fists landed blows on his face and ribs. It was over in moments when Madara and Obito ran over and pulled Hidan off.

“Hidan!!” Madara shouted, “Knock it off! You want me to call the cops?!”

“He fucking sold those videos!!” Hidan snarled, “I’m gonna fucking kill him!! I’ll rip his throat out with my teeth!!” He bit at the air, his teeth clacking together loudly, “I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

Obito helped Zetsu up, who spit out a mouthful of blood onto Hidan’s feet.

“You’ll pay for what you did!!” Hidan screamed, “I’m gonna get you!”

“Call the police.” Zetsu said, “He’s insane!”

“We don’t need the police-” Obito tried to say.

“I’m pressing charges!” Zetsu shouted, “He attacked me! He needs to be locked back up! He threatened to kill me! He’s killed before.”

Hidan made an outraged noise and Madara had to drag him into his office and throw him on the floor.

“Don’t call the cops!” Hidan shouted, “You can’t!”

“It’s not up to me, you were out of line, you attacked-”

“He drugged me! Tied me up and-”

Madara cut him off, shouting at him, “It was your own damn fault! You went home with him and got high! And just now you were out there yelling about killing him in front of the entire club!”

Hidan went quiet while Madara stood over him, “You lied to me. You said he wouldn’t be here.  
You’re a fucking dirty liar!! I hate liars.”

Madara ignored that, so what if he had lied? Hidan would have had a hissy fit and not come in otherwise. “It’s out of my hands now. I’ll try to talk Zetsu out of pressing charges.”

“No cops! I’ll quit, I’ll...I’ll-”

“You won’t quit, because you’re fired!”

“You can’t fucking fire me!!” Hidan shouted, getting to his feet, “I quit!”

Madara rolled his eyes, “Stay here. If you move, I’ll call the cops on you myself.” He went out to talk to Obito and Zetsu only to find out other people had called the police and they could already hear sirens.

 

Kakuzu had just gotten up and was checking his phone for messages. He had a voicemail from 3 in the morning from an unknown number. He pressed play just as there was a knock on his front door.

He listened to the message as he got up to see who was at his door.

‘Uh, Kakuzu...it’s me, it’s Hidan...fuck, look I didn’t know who else to call aside from Deidara who fucking hates my guts right now and he would just delete my message without listening and someone should at least know where I am. I got no one else. So I’m uh...I’m in jail. I fucked up. Again. It wasn’t all my fault though, the asshole totally deserved what I did to him. Anyways...I don’t expect you to come try to get me out or nothing, but if you did, I’d owe you big time.  
Anyways...that’s it. I guess if I never get out, you can sell my shit and rent my trailer…you’d like that, I bet, if I go back to jail.'

He opened the door to see Itachi standing there.

“Dammit…” Kakuzu sighed as the message ended.

“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” Itachi asked.

Kakuzu ignored him and replayed the message from Hidan, wondering if he misunderstood. But no, Hidan had been arrested and wanted him to come get him out.

“Mr. Kakuzu?” Itachi asked.

“Itachi, sorry...Hidan was arrested last night.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“Neither am I.” Kakuzu was disappointed though. He wasn’t sure why, he had just hoped Hidan might change. He put his phone in his back pocket, “What do you need this morning?”

“I hate to be a bother so early in the morning but we have a problem with the bathtub, it’s not draining. Kisame tried to use a plunger, and we put liquid drain opener down it, but it’s still clogged.”

Kakuzu didn’t want to deal with phone calls from jail or unclogging drains at seven thirty in the morning, he hadn’t even had breakfast yet...but he had no choice. He would take care of the bathtub first and then decide what to do about Hidan.

 

“Maybe there’s more to it then he just fucked up.” Kisame said from the doorway, watching as Kakuzu stuck a hose with a super high powered nozzle down the drain.

“Turn it on!” Kakuzu shouted over his shoulder to Itachi who was waiting by the faucet outside.

“I’m surprised you of all people would be trying to defend Hidan considering how he ruined your boyfriend’s brothers birthday party.” Kakuzu glanced up at the man, he looked like he wanted to say more but remained quiet and Kakuzu shifted his attention back to the drain.

“I’m just saying, that maybe there’s a reason he did whatever he did that got him arrested.” Kisame rubbed the back of his neck, “I wasn’t going to say anything but at the party...I saw some weird shit on his phone.”

Kakuzu didn’t even look up as he held the hose in place, though he was curious, “Like what?”

“I don’t want to say, I don’t think it’s my place, but I think he might be justified if I’m correct in assuming he retaliated against someone who did some fucked up shit to him.”

Kakuzu shouted for Itachi to shut off the water and when the pressure in the hose died down, he removed it from the drain and waited to see it that worked to remove whatever clog was in the pipes. Probably hair...Itachi’s was so long, Sasuke’s was long-ish. And Kakuzu didn’t see a drain trap anywhere in sight to prevent so much hair going down the drain.

To his relief, the water started to swirl and drain out of the tub as if there had never been a clog and Kakuzu stood up, removing the nozzle, shaking it out, and putting it into his pocket before handing Kisame the hose to take out through the side door. “Don’t get water all over the floor, you don’t want mold and neither do I.”

“Did it work?” Itachi asked as he came back inside, coming to stand next to Kisame to look into the tub.

“It did. Twenty five bucks.” Kakuzu said, wiping his hands on the hand towel that hung on a hook on the wall.

Kisame rolled his eyes, “You didn’t even really do anything, but alright. I got this, Itachi, don’t worry about it.” Kisame walked away and when he returned he handed Kakuzu a twenty and a five. “You should think about what I said.”

Kakuzu nodded, “I will. Thank you for the prompt payment.” He pocketed the money and started to leave, “Get this hose out and put it away properly. I won’t have some idiot tripping and suing! And put something in that drain to keep all that hair from going down it!” He called over his shoulder as he made his way down the steps, thinking over what Kisame had told him.

Parked in front of the county jail, Kakuzu shut off the engine and rubbed his face, unsure as to why he even came in the first place. He didn’t like Hidan, but something in his voice in the message he left coupled with what Kisame had told him, had made Kakuzu decide to go down and see what could be done.

When he walked in, he saw Asuma talking to someone, he nodded at Kakuzu who went over to the counter and told them why he was there and was told to wait.

“Kakuzu, you can come with me. I’m going back to talk with him.” Asuma said as he got up, “There is a very interesting story you might be interested in hearing.”

“Oh? What did he do this time?”

“He attacked a co-worker last night. The co-worker has agreed to drop the charges, someone else had called 911, but there was some other...things that came out, specifically why Hidan attacked him.”

Kakuzu was quiet, hoping the probation officer would elaborate but he didn’t. Was anyone going to say anything? He seemed even more tight lipped than Kisame had been. They walked down a hall and into a room where Hidan sat in an orange jumpsuit, his hands cuffed and on the table in front of him, eyes cast down at the floor, he refused to look at either one of them. It was the most subdued Kakuzu had ever seen Hidan, aside from when he got hit by Rasa’s car and he thought he was dead and again when he hit his head and drowned. It didn’t suit someone like Hidan who was always so full of energy.

“Hidan.” Asuma said, “Your property manager is here.”

“What is all over your face?” Kakuzu asked. Hidan’s eyes had smudges of eyeliner underneath them.

“I had to look pretty last night.” Hidan stuck his bottom lip out in a pout, “I probably just look ridiculous now…”

“They couldn’t let him wash that off?”

“I’m not in charge here.” Asuma pointed out, “I don’t even work here and came down from the police station across town. Anyways I’m here to help Hidan.”

“Yeah, right! I bet you can’t wait to get rid of my ass!” Hidan shook his head, “You can’t fucking help me anyways.”

“Zetsu has agreed to drop charges.” Asuma waited for Hidan to look at him before he continued, “Which is good news. I have connections, Hidan. I can get all this to go away. Especially with what you told the arresting officers who booked you.”

“I...I don’t wanna to go after him.” Hidan mumbled.

“He should be locked up.”

“I don’t want to deal with it!” Hidan suddenly started shouting, “Yeah, what he did was fucked up but I can’t handle being on trial again! Alright?! So let’s just drop it! He’s not pressing charges, I don’t want to either! I’ll be good, I quit or got fired last night, I can’t remember, but I’ll get a decent job and go to my classes. I'll stop using. Just- _please!_ Don’t let them throw me back in jail!!”

“What’s going on?” Kakuzu wanted to know, “Why did you attack this other guy? What did he do to you that was so fucked up you risked getting arrested again? Can someone tell me anything?!”

Hidan looked away, “He...did some shit to me.”

“Yeah, I got that much. What did he do?”

Refusing to speak, Hidan kept his eyes on the table and Asuma sighed, “According to Hidan, he was drugged, filmed having sex with this Zetsu guy, and then it was put on the internet to make money off it.”

Kakuzu went silent, making a note of the name, Zetsu, for later. Even if Hidan did press charges, it would be a long, lengthy process and in the end he would probably get a slap on the wrist and walk free. That was not justice and never gave anyone peace of mind.

Hidan refused to look at Kakuzu and shifted in the chair, “So can I go home now? He's not pressing charges so why am I still here?” Hidan asked after several minutes, raising his pink eyes to Asuma, “Can you at least just unlock me?” He lifted his hands.

“I will soon, don’t worry.” Asuma turned to Kakuzu, “You want to wait here with him? I’m going to go take care of some paperwork before we can let him go.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll stay.” Kakuzu sighed, and pulled the chair out and sat down across from Hidan while Asuma left the room.

“Don’t say anything about it, I’m warning you now.” Hidan whispered, angry, embarrassed tears burning his eyes.

“I won’t.” Kakuzu said, “Did they give you anything to eat or drink since you’ve been in?”

“No. And I’d just puke if I ate anything anyways.”

Looking at him as if he might explode, Kakuzu asked, “Why? Are you sick?” 

Hidan shook his head. “It’s this place. I hate it, alright? It’s just...I can’t stand being here, I hate being around fucking cops, I hate when he comes to my trailer!”

Kakuzu nodded, he could understand that, and decided to change the subject, “You signed up for classes yesterday?”

“Yeah, I did, I enrolled in some vocational course, I’ll be a mechanic if I can pass it.” Hidan watched Kakuzu’s face and was happy when he seemed to be impressed.

“But...you quit your job. How are you going to pay your bills and tuition?”

Hidan shrugged, “Dunno…I’ll figure something out. Maybe do a little modelling for some art class.”

“I’m sure you can get hired as a waiter or maybe work at Walmart stocking the shelves or something.”

“Yeah, probably…” He was glad Kakuzu had come down to try to help, and talking to him while he waited had helped him to calm down, “Maybe you need to hire someone? I could...I don’t know, threaten people who are late on their rent?”

“No, Hidan, I don’t need help with that.” Kakuzu shook his head though there was a hint of a smile, “I think I’m able to threaten people on my own.”

“Yeah, maybe, you’re kinda scary looking when you’re angry.” Hidan grinned and added more quietly, “But I think it’s pretty hot.”

 

It was another hour and a half before all the paperwork was done and after Asuma made several phone calls and pulled some strings using his father's name and his connections to keep Hidan from having to go in front of the judge and risk his probatio. But Hidan and Kakuzu finally walked out of the jail together. The clothes Hidan had been arrested in were nothing more than skin tight pants, not even a shirt. While Kakuzu didn't mind looking at him, he didn't feel right making Hidan walk around like that so he looked in the backseat and found a t-shirt. After he made sure it was clean enough, he tossed it over to Hidan. “It’s not freshly washed but it’s better than nothing. So put it on.”

“Thanks.” Hidan pulled it over his head, hoping to inhale Kakuzu’s scent. There was a faint scent of cologne on it but that was it. He rolled his eyes at himself and hoped Kakuzu hadn’t seen and put his seatbelt on and crossed his arms over himself.

“Kakuzu.” Hidan started, “Thank you. I mean it. Thank you for coming to get me. I...I didn’t have anyone else to call.”

“You’re welcome. Though, it seems like your probation officer isn’t your enemy, you might want to keep that in mind. He is trying to help you.” Kakuzu felt a little awkward and tried to think of something to say, he still had not had breakfast and was very hungry, “Are you hungry?”

Hidan shook his head even though he hadn’t eaten since the day before, he felt a bit sick and didn’t want to embarrass himself if he couldn’t keep down whatever Kakuzu got him to eat. But moments later his stomach growled and gave him away and Kakuzu turned into a shopping center and drove up to the drive thru of a McDonalds.

“Well, maybe a bit. But you don’t have to get me anything. I can eat at home.”

“I haven’t eaten anything either and don’t feel like taking the time to cook when I do get home. If you want something, speak up. I’ll get it for you, if not, fine, I'm not forcing you to eat.”

Kakuzu waited and after Hidan told him what he wanted, he placed the order and then waited at the next window.

“I’ll pay you back.” Hidan said when Kakuzu handed him the food after paying with the cash Kisame had given him for clearing the clog earlier that morning.

“Don’t worry about it.” Kakuzu had been surprised that Hidan had only asked for a couple of things from the dollar menu, he had been worried he would ask for something more expensive and if he had, then Kakuzu would have expected to be paid back.

Hidan’s mouth watered as he opened a mcmuffin and started to eat it. He was finished with it before they got to the park and was working on finishing his smoothie.

“You know...I feel better knowing I don’t have to go into that club ever again, well I need to get my last paycheck, but I don't have to work there ever again. I liked it at first. I really did, it was fun. But then...things changed. I was so pissed when you told me I had to go sign up for classes but now...I really appreciate what you did. No one else would have done that. I’m gonna make you proud of me, Kuzu! And I’m going to hold you to your word.”

Kakuzu was surprised by that and took a drink from his own smoothie, “Don’t call me that.” He grumbled, then regretted it when Hidan’s smile faltered, and he quickly added, “But I’m glad you’re happy to be doing something other than stripping for money. You don’t have to try to make me proud, Hidan. Make yourself proud. And what are you talking about you'll hold me to my word?”

Hidan snickered, “You said if I got my shit together, you’d fuck me as a reward, and I mean to get that reward.”

Kakuzu’s face gave nothing away as he looked over at Hidan, “You would have to get your shit together, getting arrested for fighting in the club is the opposite of that.”

“Yeah, well...getting shit together isn’t as easy as it sounds.”

Kakuzu dropped Hidan off in front of his trailer, he didn’t feel right making him walk through the park dressed like he was, “Take a hot shower and clean that stuff off your face.” Kakuzu said quietly as Hidan took his seatbelt off and reached for the door handle, “Keep the shirt, I don’t need it.”

Hidan felt his cheeks warm at that, and he looked away, running his hand through his hair, “Kakuzu. I owe you. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Oh, you will.” Kakuzu told him.

“I could...do some work for you sometime? Or help you out with stuff around the park! I’m good with my hands!”

Kakuzu gave him a look, smirking at his choice of words, “Are you?”

Hidan grinned back at him, “Oh yes, Kakuzu,” he drug his name out, “I’m very good with my hands. Maybe I can show you sometime.”

Kakuzu shook his head with a quiet laugh, “I’ll let you know when I need some help with something. Now get out of my car. Oh, one last thing. What was the name of that club you worked at?”

“Huh? Why the fuck do you want to know that?”

“Just wondering.”

“The Velvet Lounge. Oh, so since I’m not there anymore,  _now_ you want to go and visit?”

“I would never go there, with you in it or not.” Kakuzu told him, “Alright, get out of my car already. Take your drink with you.” Kakuzu watched him go up the steps to the front door, and drove off after he got in.

Once back home, with the door closed and locked, he called Pein and asked him to look into someone named Zetsu, that all he knew was that he worked as a stripper at a place called The Velvet Lounge.

“What is this about?” Pein asked.

“He did something to someone I know.” Kakuzu said, “I need an address.”

“Alright. I’ll have it for you when it’s time to collect the rent. Konan wants to stop by then anyways to make sure the place hasn’t fallen apart.”

Kakuzu had to suppress a groan, he hated it when they showed up, it was so much easier to deal with them over the phone, and easier still by email. “You two were just here recently, not much is going to change since then.”

“You know how she is. Just a minute.” There was talking in the background and Pein paused to listen, “Ah, she says she wants you to clean up that pile of junk you have at the end of the park.”

“And you can tell her that it is not junk.” Kakuzu stated, “I intend to sell that stuff and make money off it.”

“It’s junk, Kakuzu!” Konan shouted from somewhere behind Pein, “Only an idiot would buy it from you.”

“You heard her.” Pein told him, “She says it’s junk, so it’s junk.”

“And I want it gone by the end of the year or you’ll be paying rent to keep it there!” Konan told him, her voice sounding farther away now.

“Well then, I guess that will motivate you to sell your goods. Good luck with that. You’re going to need it, I’ve seen that shit, Kakuzu, I have to agree with my lady. It is junk. We’ll be in contact. I’ll get you what you want, you do what we want, everyone is happy.” Pein ended the call and Kakuzu shoved his phone into his pocket.

Whoever this Zetsu was, Kakuzu was going to make him regret touching Hidan. And in the meantime, he would go take pictures of his stuff and put on craigslist for people to come by to look at and buy. He had dishwashers, water heaters, a couple of old cars, washers and dryers, a few ovens. And if no one would buy, he would haul it down to the scrap yard and get money for recycling it. Either way, he would make something off it, considering he didn’t pay a single red cent for anything. His thoughts wandered back to Hidan and he sighed, how did one person manage to get into so much trouble? And how did he manage to get Kakuzu to actually care?


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College is in session. Kakuzu gets some information and meets Zetsu. Tsunade and Kakuzu share a moment in his trailer. Hidan crashes into a lamp post.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly thought I updated this in December but it was October?? I really can't believe it was October...I had planned on updating this more often but had a lot going on and most of it was bad stuff. Anyways I plan to finish this and Jashin's Burritos both by the end of the year. So I will just be focusing on these two and nothing new. That's the plan.
> 
> I just want to say thank you to everyone reading, commenting and leaving kudos. It really means a lot to me. I honestly didn't think anyone would be all that interested in this when I got the idea for it, so thank you for letting me know you are enjoying it.
> 
> Just a warning, Zetsu is in this chapter and he is a total creep. If that's something you'd like to skip, I understand, you can skip the part with the line break where Kakuzu is getting dressed and skip down to where Tsunade texts Kakuzu 'you're late'.
> 
> And a HUGE thank you to my beta reader Jashinist_Feminist, thank you so much! ｡^‿^｡

School had been in session for two weeks now and apart from seeing Deidara around the park once in a while, Hidan had not run into him since their last argument. Deciding enough had been enough, Hidan wanted his best friend back and went in search of old lady Chiyo.

"Hey, grandma, you look great today." He told her as he walked into the office at the community college. She was once again looking like she was dead in her chair and Hidan walked around the counter and gave her a poke on the shoulder, "Don't die on me now, I need your grandson’s phone number."

Nothing.

"Uh...hello?"

Again no response and Hidan looked around, worried. She couldn't be dead! She was going to help him get a job modeling for her grandson's art class! Besides, she was a nice old lady and he didn't want her to be dead. "Hey! Someone call 911 because this old woman might've died for real this time! Shit!" He shook her hard, hoping she was just playing games.

She suddenly popped her head up with a laugh and Hidan leaped back with a shout. "Gotcha!" She stood, patting Hidan on the arm, "You were supposed to come see me sooner."

"Yeah...I uh, had a lot of shit going on..." Hidan said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't about to tell her he got arrested and had spent the last weeks of summer getting drunk and high while trying to find work which had really not been one of his better choices in life though, he reasoned with himself that there had been worse.

"It happens. I take it since you're here you still want to model for my grandson? He would like you...so strong and handsome." She squeezed Hidan's bicep with both hands and giggled. Dropping her hands, she reached into the pocket of her dress and produced a business card, "I spoke with him, this is where he holds his classes. Now you listen up, young man! He is very strict about being punctual, that means being precisely on time. He locks the door promptly at five and whoever gets locked out is out of the class or in your case- out of a job. You can be on time, right?"

Hidan took the card, "What days? I also work at Wal-Mart now, only part time though. I mop the fuckin' floors and shit...sometimes actual shit. People are fucking nasty..."

"I am aware, I work at a school. You'd think at this age people would have learned a thing or two about being clean. Unfortunately not." She took the card back and wrote something on it, "There. He holds his classes on Saturday, Monday and Thursday."

"Great, I think I can make it." Hidan took the card back and looked at what she had written to see it was the days of the classes so he wouldn't forget. He would be busy now, but he knew it was better than him sitting at home in his trailer bored and letting his mind wander. That would just get him into trouble. He needed to shape up if Kakuzu was going to even consider being with him.

"Hey...what about modeling for the art class here on campus? Do they pay students to do that?"

"They pay models. If you are a model for the class, you get paid, regardless of whether or not you are a student." Chiyo told him, "I can set up a meeting with the art professor if you would like?"

Grinning, Hidan nodded. That way, Deidara wouldn't be able to ignore him anymore and it would mean extra cash for him that he actually needed desperately. He knew he relied on his tips before but he didn't realize just how much until they were no longer there.

* * *

 

Checking how he looked in the bathroom mirror, Kakuzu adjusted his blood red tie. He was planning to pay a visit to the club Hidan had worked at, and afterwards go meet with Tsunade and giver her a portion of the money from Rasa. He couldn't believe how lucky he had gotten with that. Though if Rasa ever wised up, there would be three more orphans in the world. Kakuzu  brushed his hair and decided to pull it back into a low ponytail for the night, smoothed out the front of his black shirt and left.

He paid the small fee to get into the club and walked in. The music was loud and the lights low, just like he imagined, nothing high end like Hidan told him it was, but it didn’t seem like a cheap and dirty place either. Kakuzu took a seat at the back so he could observe and ordered a rum and coke from a girl in a lowcut body suit. She tried to flirt with him but he was quite resistant to her charms, being there on business after all. Besides, he thought with a smirk as she walked away, she wasn't exactly his type. _'My type is supposed to be sitting his ass in a classroom right now.'_ The thought had come to him unbidden and Kakuzu's smirk fell off his face. _No_ . Hidan was _not_ his type either, he told himself. Hidan was the definition of trailer trash, and Kakuzu did not like trailer trash. The girl returned with his drink and with a sour look on his face he pushed the money across the table to her.

Kakuzu's drink was only half finished, the ice having melted long ago. He had considered just leaving but decided to stay a little longer. Pein told him the nights Zetsu worked, and this was supposed to be one of them. Unless he had called out for the night...Looking at his watch, Kakuzu would give him another fifteen minutes before he left. Another girl came by to ask if he needed anything else and he waved her off. Once the fifteen minutes had passed, Kakuzu was about to get up when he saw yet another server come to stand at the table. Persistent...

"You look lonely over here all by yourself in the shadows, perhaps I could entice you to one our private rooms and keep you company for a while..." The voice this time was male, Kakuzu guessed the girls had gotten tired of his rejections and told the guys to try their luck.

Kakuzu looked up, about to decline, only to see none other than Zetsu. Pein had sent him a picture so he would know who to look for. So this was the bastard. He looked... interesting, maybe Hidan thought he was attractive and maybe he was. Kakuzu stood up at his full height. He would love to take this sleazeball to a private room and 'keep company' with him for a while, but Kakuzu had only come to get a better look at him for now. Unclenching his jaw, he told him, "I’m going to have to pass tonight." But there would be another night.

"Hmm, that’s just too bad..." Zetsu looked Kakuzu up and down slowly in a way that made Kakuzu feel like he was being undressed, "I would have loved to have given you a private show... a lap dance... maybe something more..."

Kakuzu’s hands were curled into tight fists and it took every ounce of self control for Kakuzu not to put one of them through Zetsu's face right then and there. Was this how he talked Hidan into going home with him? Or did he work his way up from acting like a friend, got Hidan to trust him and then got him that way? The thought made him sick. He was clearly nothing but a fucking creep!

"I said no." Kakuzu nearly growled as he stepped past him, making sure not to make contact though he wanted to shove him aside, he couldn't call any attention to himself and Zetsu.

"Another time perhaps." Zetsu said, watching Kakuzu as he walked away.

Kakuzu felt almost as if he were the prey as he left the club and that was unusual for him. He would have to be careful, Zetsu wasn't just some guy who got high and refused to pay rent, he wasn’t an addict or a drunk. He was a predator himself and it made Kakuzu’s skin crawl, the way he leered at him. He deserved everything Kakuzu planned to do to him.

Checking his phone, Kakuzu saw he had several missed texts from Tsunade.

_'You're late. How unlike you.'_

_'Did you finally get a date and forget about me?'_

_'I'll be by your place later to wait for you. You think I'm letting you get away with not paying? HA!'_

"Dammit..." Kakuzu didn't want to have to deal with Tsunade stopping by his trailer tonight, but it looked like he would have to as just as he was about to send her a message to wait for him at the restaurant where they had agreed to meet, he got another text:

_'I'm here and I'm not going anywhere until I see you and get paid.'_

With a groan, Kakuzu turned the key in the ignition and drove out of the parking lot and back home. At least he didn't have to spend more money on food for the night, he would just heat something up once he got rid of Tsunade.

"Kakuzu!" Tsunade shouted from where she sat on his porch.

"Are you drunk?!" He shouted as he got out of his car and slammed the door and made his way towards the porch, “You didn’t have to come here, I would have met you like we planned.”  
  
Standing, Tsunade leaned over the railing to get a better look at him, “Don’t you clean up nice.”  
  
“You already know I do.”  
  
“That’s true.” She laughed, “Well, aren’t you going to invite me in?”  
  
He gave her a look, she was definitely drunk. “Why would I want to do that?”  
  
She sighed and shook her head, “So your nosey neighbors don’t know what we’re doing, that’s why. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to end up in that gossip paper that goes around.”  
  
That was true and made sense. Kakuzu climbed the steps to his porch and unlocked his front door. He held it open for Tsunade, hoping this night wasn’t going to get any worse and let her in first, then he stepped inside and closed the door.  
  
Tsunade had already flipped on the lights and made herself comfortable on his couch, “So, you did have a date tonight, didn’t you? With who?”  
  
“I did not have a date and even if I did, it would be none of your business. Where’s Shizume?”  
  
“She wasn’t feeling well. I let her go home early today. You look good, Kakuzu.”  
  
Kakuzu couldn’t help but think that Tsunade looked good herself.

“We used to have fun together. What happened?” She asked.

“You lost too much of my money gambling. That’s what.”

“Did you have a date?” Tsunade asked again, reaching up and grasping Kakuzu’s tie with her hand.

“No.” He knew what she wanted, he couldn’t deny he wanted it too. When was the last time he had been with anyone? It had been far too long.

“You still haven’t found anyone and I’m not with anyone either...so why don’t we revisit old times tonight? I’m feeling a bit nostalgic.” She pulled Kakuzu down by his tie and when he didn’t pull away, pressed her lips to his.

Kissing Tsunade back eagerly, Kakuzu allowed himself to be pulled down to her level and then he pushed her back against the couch and climbed onto it, one leg on either side of her.

He could taste the alcohol on her. She was drunk. _Very drunk_ to be coming on to him, Kakuzu decided. It wasn’t right and if they continued, they would both regret it later. He couldn’t do this. Even if she was sober he couldn’t. They were over and there was a reason. They were terrible together.

Besides, his skin was still crawling from Zetsu, whose face flashed through his mind, knowing what he had done to Hidan, the way he had looked at and spoken to him... Kakuzu didn’t like the thought of anyone touching him at the moment and pulled away.

“Stop. Enough.” Kakuzu said as he got up off the couch, what the hell had he been thinking to let it go as far as it had? He never should have kissed her, “You’re drunk. This isn’t what either of us wants.”

He put some distance between them and reached into his back pocket, “You take your money and then you leave.”

Tsunade looked away, her cheeks flaming, what had she been thinking. She was glad Kakuzu had so much self control, he always had and was never more thankful for it in her life than she was now. She nodded, “Right, I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Nothing happened.” He was ashamed of how far he allowed it to go though, “Take your money.”

She got up off the couch, and took the envelope from Kakuzu’s outstretched hand, “Thank you.” Her cheeks were still pink but she decided to just forget about it, “Until next month, Kakuzu!”

* * *

 

As Hidan drove into the park after school, he noticed the lights on in Kakuzu’s trailer and another car he had never seen before parked in front. That was odd… Kakuzu having company this late at night? He slowed down to where he was just idling along, hoping to get a glimpse of what was happening inside.

He wondered who it was and what they were doing. A sharp pang of jealousy shot through him, what it he had a date? What if he was fucking someone?! No… He had never seen Kakuzu with anyone. He was a lonely old man. Not really that old, but he was older than Hidan so he was an old man to him. Logic told Hidan he had no right to be jealous, he had been fucking Deidara and then Zetsu… He didn’t want to think about that though. But it wasn’t like he waited around for Kakuzu so why should he wait around for him?

So why did he want to kill the blonde woman that stepped out of Kakuzu’s trailer? Visions of running her down with his car flashed through his mind as she said something to Kakuzu and left, smiling.

Not looking where he was going because he was too busy watching, Hidan didn’t see his car was heading straight for a lamp post and was glad he had his seatbelt on when he hit it.

“Dammit!” He shouted, his cigarette falling from his mouth and he stomped on it on the floor of the car so it wouldn’t catch anything on fire.

“What the hell was that?” Tsunade looked over to see what had happened as Kakuzu sighed and walked down the steps.

“Of course it’s you Hidan!” Kakuzu yelled, “Why don’t you look where you’re going?!”

“Why can’t you keep your fucking dick in your pants?!” Hidan yelled back.

“Oh my, this is Hidan?” Tsunade asked, walking over behind Kakuzu with a curious look on her face.

“Oh, so you’ve heard of me!” Hidan said, then turned back to Kakuzu, “You told her about me? What did you tell her?”  
  
“Hidan, go home.” Kakuzu said, “The light is fine.”  
  
“Yeah well, maybe my car isn’t!”  
  
“Your car looks fine. You were going at a snail's pace.”  
  
Hidan didn’t even care about his car, he kept looking at the woman. She was pretty hot, but he didn’t know Kakuzu even liked women. “Wow, you’re a real slut, Kakuzu! Nice tits, lady, but I didn’t know he was even into tits!” Come to think of it, he really didn’t know what Kakuzu liked...  
  
“Hidan.” Kakuzu growled, “I’ve had enough! You and I are not together! You have no right to say anything about what I do! You spent the summer fucking your friend! So get out of here and go home!”  
  
“No! And don’t you bring Deidara into this!” Hidan put his car in park and got out, “You told me if I got myself straightened out that you’d be with me!”  
  
“That’s not what I said!”  
  
“It is!”  
  
“I said I’d fuck you as a reward for getting your life together.”  
  
“And here I am busting my ass to do that and you-- You’re out here fucking this piece of ass! It’s a nice ass but mine’s even nicer!”  
  
Lights were going on in the surrounding trailers and some people came out to see what was going on.

“You like him that much, Hidan?” Tsunade asked, “You can have him, we were over a long time ago. There’s nothing for you to be jealous about.”

“So… you didn’t just fuck each other?” Hidan gave them each a suspicious look, he was sure they had, but maybe he jumped to conclusions...she looked pretty happy about something.

“That’s none of your business!” Kakuzu shouted at him.

“So you did! You should have just said no!” Hidan shouted back, “I’m...I’m gonna--” He got back in his car and slammed the door, then leaned out the window as he lit a cigarette, taking a drag as he thought about what he was going to say and blurted out, “I’m gonna go home and jack off to someone else!”  
  
Kakuzu just shook his head. Really? Was that supposed to be a threat? Make him jealous? He didn’t care who Hidan jacked off to. But did Hidan think of him?

“Hey Hidan, you really think of me when you touch yourself?” He walked over and took the cigarette from Hidan’s mouth and dropped it on the road before stepping on it, how much could one person smoke? “You probably shouldn’t go around telling people that, but I’ll let you in on a little secret.” He leaned down close to Hidan’s ear but made sure not to touch him, “I’ve thought of you a time or two. Now go home, you’ve made a scene out here.”

Hidan’s mouth was practically gaping open and Kakuzu placed his index finger under Hidan’s chin to push up to close it for him.

“H-hey! That was my cigarette, you know how expensive they are? You owe me one!”

“I don’t owe you one, I can’t stand the stench of them. Goodnight, Hidan.” He waited until Hidan started his car again and drove off, then turned to walk back over to Tsunade.

She had watched their exchange with a smirk on her face.

“You like him.”  
  
“And? It shouldn’t be a surprise to you, you knew I liked men when we were together.”

She walked up to him and lowered her voice, “And that’s not what I meant... I simply wonder what he would think if he ever finds out you’re making all this money off of him and not at least sharing. That young man really likes you, probably because he doesn’t know you very well yet.”

“Go home, Tsunade. I’ve had enough of you for one night.”

“Kakuzu, your greed will ruin you one day.” She walked over to her car and got in.

Kakuzu didn’t wait to see her drive away and went back up the steps of his trailer as she drove off. Why would Hidan care if he made money off that night? It wasn’t his business.

* * *

 

The next morning there was a special edition of the newsletter with pictures of Hidan, Kakuzu and Tsunade all over it.

Hidan had read it, crumpled it into a ball and threw it across the room into a pile of junk mail he meant to take to the trash at some point when his phone notified him of a message. And not from just anybody. It was the sound he put special for Deidara. It was the first time he had contacted him in weeks and Hidan jumped to read his message.

_‘Hey, you really know how to make yourself look like total trailer trash’_

He guessed Deidara had seen the newsletter and replied back: _‘What can I say? It’s a specialty of mine. So what are you up to?’_

Hidan waited but there was no reply and feeling rejected he set his phone down and went to get something to eat. While waiting for his toast to pop up out of the toaster, Hidan hopped up to sit on the counter and looked out the open window above the sink when he heard his phone. Deidara had replied.

_‘School. I haven’t seen you around much. Busy?’_

_‘Yeah, I go to school now, too, and I got a new job. Might have a second job soon if things go well for me.’_

_‘Hidan going back to school? That’s shocking. Is the flood water rising? Does god walk among us?’_

_‘Fuck you. I decided to better myself and get an edication.’_

_‘You can’t even spell it. Alright, I’m going out, maybe I’ll see you around.’_

_‘Yeah, I’d like that.’_

Hidan waited for another reply but got nothing and set his phone down when his toast was ready. He picked it out of the toaster and ate it while sitting on the counter, crumbs falling onto his bare chest and stomach. He brushed them away and heard his phone again. Looking at the message Deidara sent, he smiled as he read it.

_‘Me too’_

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hidan starts modelling for the art class, Sasori enjoys a boba tea, and Deidara gets a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter for your enjoyment. Thank you so much for your comments, I'm sorry if I haven't replied to all of them yet but I do my best to get to them. 
> 
> Beta read by the wonderful Jashinist_Feminist, thank you so much!!

* * *

 

Making sure he not only looked good but also smelled good, Hidan had showered and dressed in his nicest clothes. He did not use any cheap cologne, not that he would buy it again after the last time when it almost made him sick, he had decided to never buy it again and only put on some deodorant. 

Checking his appearance in the rearview, he ran a hand through his hair, he had forgone his usual gelled back look, unsure how the old woman’s grandson, Sasori, would want him to look. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the time on his phone, he had ten minutes but didn’t want to be late. So he grabbed his keys and got out and headed into the professional looking building.

Hidan paused at the door and waited, only slightly nervous as he had no idea what to expect. What if it was some sleazy place? He knew about massage parlours, but he had never heard of sleazy art classes...how much sleazier could it be from the strip club he worked at though? He hadn’t cared when he started there. Hating how his heart started to race as he reached for the door knob and twisted it, Hidan pushed the door open. 

Cold air hit him in the face, a nice change from the warmth outside and he looked around. It was like an office and he supposed it was. Well lit, the walls painted a light grey, there was a front desk but no one sat there. There were plants here and there, one dead and another looking a bit wilted and none of them looked healthy. No one was around though and Hidan started down the hallway towards where he heard some voices.

Someone walked out of a room. Short, red hair. Bright blue boba drink in one hand. They both froze.

“You!” Hidan pointed at him, he was the guy from the trailer park! “What are you doing here?!”

Raising a single eyebrow, he held Hidan’s gaze, “Yes, me. I run this class. What do you want? I hardly expect you to be an artist. Are you the new janitor?” 

Janitor?! Hidan wanted to say something about the trash needing to be taken out and wipe that smirk off the little shrimps face, but kept his mouth shut and ground his teeth. He needed this job. “I’m not. Let me guess, you’re Sasori. Your granny tell you about me?” With a smirk, he added, “I think she likes me, I’m kinda hard to resist.”

Sasori looked up at him, sucking up several bobas through the wide straw and chewing them. He then walked around Hidan as if assessing him, “Of course she told me about you, you wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t. Not bad… I’ve already seen how you look at the pool… so I suppose you’ll do.” Coming to once again stand in front of Hidan, Sasori continued, “Now, let me tell you some rules. No talking. Do not come in high, drunk, nor smelling of cigarettes. I expect you to be clean and smelling fresh but not overpowering. And lastly, but not least, do not be late. Be late just once , and you’ll be out of a job. And for that matter, if you come in and I even just _think_ you’re on something, I will call the police and fire you on the spot. I pay well for a good model, so you better be on your best behavior.”

Sasori thought about that. What was Hidan’s best behavior? Maybe it wasn’t all that good and he wondered if there was someone else’s best behavior Hidan should try to emulate instead but before he could say so, Hidan spoke up.

“How much?” Hidan wanted to know, “How much do you pay?” 

“Are you a good model though? That’s the question. And I guess we’re both about to find out.” Sasori gave a shrug and turned back towards the room he had come from, “In there-” he pointed to a door, “you can change out of your clothes. I want you to put the green robe on, then come into the room back here where we will be getting started. No talking, and do not remove the robe unless you are instructed to. Which you won’t be today.”

“Alright…” Hidan went to stand in front of the door of the room he was told to change in and paused, “Hey, you don’t have cameras or shit in here, do you? You’re not some pervert are you?”

Sasori stopped and turned back, “Allow me to tell you something. I am a professional artist and art instructor and I take my profession very seriously. The only cameras I have in here are up at the front door and they are for security purposes only. I would not risk my life’s work and career trying to film someone changing. We’re likely going to see you nude anyways, only if you are comfortable with doing so of course.” He paused for another sip of his drink and thought it would be a shame if Hidan didn’t want to model in the nude for him. He was quite handsome, though complete and utter trailer trash. “Just so you are aware, there is absolutely no photography or filming of any kind allowed in my classes. Come in whenever you’re ready, but don’t take too long. I hate to be kept waiting.” He brought the straw back to his mouth and sucked up another mouthful of unnaturally colored boba ‘tea’ and Hidan shuddered as he watched several of the gooey boba balls go up the straw before Sasori turned away to go back into what must be the classroom.

When Hidan opened the door to the room he was to change in, he saw it was just a small room with a clothes rack with various colored robes in different fabrics, there were some hooks on the wall where he guessed he was supposed to hang up his own clothes. There was a full length mirror and a loveseat. While changing, he wondered if Sasori somehow knew about the videos of him, but how would he know? Only Kakuzu and Asuma knew… and Deidara. They wouldn’t tell anyone else, well, maybe Deidara would have. But Deidara didn’t know Sasori. No, Hidan decided, Sasori didn’t know, he was just simply telling him how things were done since he had asked.

Hidan left his boxer shorts on and found the green robe. It was velvet, and heavy. Hidan was thankful the place was well air conditioned. He put it on and tied the belt around his waist and rolled his eyes when he saw there were tassels on the ends of the belt. He felt ridiculous, like he was wearing someone’s grandma’s curtains. But whatever, he thought, as he looked in the mirror, he was getting paid to wear it.  

Sasori was completely professional, acted like he didn’t know him at all, like he hadn’t seen video of him ruining a kids birthday party and hadn't read about him shouting in the street at Kakuzu for having a woman over. Sasori instructed him to sit in the middle of the room on the chair as the students, mostly female, got set up around him.

After checking the clock on the wall and then his watch, Sasori looked around at everyone sitting and waiting for him to begin. “We finally have a new model.” He addressed the class, “His name is Hidan and today we will be studying the male upper body.” 

“Ooh, he’s pretty…especially those eyes!” Someone said with a giggle which set off several other students into giggling.

“I agree, Kurotsuchi, he is.” Sasori nodded, his granny had been right. Hidan did make a good model, now if he could just sit still for the duration of the class. His comment had started up another round of giggling and he rolled his eyes. “Now everyone calm down, time is wasting. Open your robe a bit, Hidan. Tilt your head up and slightly to the side, like that. Your arms should be…” He walked over and fixed Hidan’s arms for him, “Keep just like this...try not to move and do keep a neutral face.”

Sitting still for two hours was more work than Hidan thought it would be. It was quiet, almost too quiet. The only sounds were the brushes against the canvas, and Sasori’s quiet voice instructing his students.

Though the silence was interrupted from time to time by the sound of Sasori trying to get every last drop of his boba drink up that giant straw. It painfully grated on Hidan’s nerves. Each and every suction noise seemed worse than the last and made him want to scream, and his hands slowly clenched into fists that he then had to force himself to relax.

He really did not want to mess this up, it wasn’t the worst job in the world, and it was actually relaxing to just sit there while people painted or sketched him. There was no shit to mop up, no flashing lights and loud music he had to dance to, no one touched him. But that sound.... Hidan couldn’t take it anymore. He watched as Sasori walked around, trying to get that one, last boba as if in a trance.

Hidan thought he would rather chew on a ball of tin foil than listen to it another second.

“Fucking stop it already!! I can’t take it anymore!” Hidan shouted suddenly, jumping up.

Someone gasped in shock and someone else was heard whispering, ‘Finally...I hate that sound…’

Sasori blinked and looked up at Hidan in shock, “Excuse me? Are you talking to me?” 

“Yes!” Hidan’s chest rise and fell with each breath, “Take the damn lid off and pour the rest of that shitty drink in your mouth already or throw it away! There's nothing left in there!”

Sasori looked at the clock, class had been over for two minutes already which was lucky for Hidan. He then stared back at Hidan and with an annoyed look moved the straw so it captured the boba at the bottom of it and sucked it up with as much noise as he could, enjoying the way it made Hidan cringe, and tossed his now empty cup into the trash, “Happy now?”

“Yes, actually. I am.” Hidan sighed and sat down, “Those things are nasty…And that sound...”

“Not as nasty as your cigarette habit.”

Hidan sputtered, he hadn’t even had a cigarette that entire afternoon, not a single one after his shower, just so he wouldn’t smell for the art class! And maybe he was trying to cut down on them, too. Not that they could kill him, but still, he knew it wasn’t the best habit to have. The mention of it though made him crave it and he wondered if he had any in his car.

“I believe class is over.” Sasori said as he checked on everyone’s work once more.

“Nice...very good…” He came to stop behind Kurotsuchi, “Interesting…”

“Do you like it?” She asked, a little apprehensive.

“I do, yes. You’ve really captured his true essence here.” Sasori looked up at Hidan and back at the canvas, “I think this might be your best work so far.”

“Thank you, Mr. Akasuna!”

“Can I see it?” Hidan asked.

“It’s up to my student.” Sasori told him as he continued around the room, “Just keep in mind she offended last model so deeply he quit on the spot when he saw what she had done to him with her paint.”

Hidan got up, wondering how bad of an artist she must be to make someone quit. “Can I see? I wanna see how you painted me! I've never been painted before.”    

“Sure!” She told him as she started to pack up her brushes and paints, “But, it may not look exactly as you’re expecting. My style is somewhat... different I guess you could say.”

“You certainly could.” Sasori agreed as he watched for Hidan’s reaction.

Hidan walked around the easel to see Kurotsuchi’s work. He made a face. There were a lot of abstract brush strokes on the background, lots of grays, greens and some red. And he was in the middle of the canvas, but there were two faces. It was almost creepy. One face was his and the other was his but different....darker and sinister looking, with crazed eyes, and it looked like it was trying to claw it’s way free from his body. Feeling a chill that he was sure due to the air conditioning being so cold, Hidan tugged the robe around him as he looked at her painting.

“Huh...well...yeah, that’s different. Not bad, but just different. I don’t know anything about art but it’s pretty cool.”

“Thank you!” She beamed up at him, "I really like to try to capture the duality of mankind! We all have a face we present to the world around us and one we hide. Not that I think you have some evil in you, but don't we all?" 

"I guess we do..." Hidan shrugged. 

“Hidan, if you’ll go change and then meet me up front, we can discuss how much I’ll pay you.” Sasori told him. He had almost hoped Hidan would have hated it, most of the models, no- all the models hated her paintings of them. But Sasori was glad he hadn’t hated it and stormed out. He needed a good model and Hidan was definitely a good model and not just in looks. He wasn’t demanding breaks or drinks, or stuck up like some were, and he had arrived early. Which was always a plus in Sasori’s book.  

* * *

 

“Hidan!” Kakuzu shouted as he rounded the corner towards Hidan’s trailer only to see him rushing out his door, “Your rent is due!”

“I’m gonna be late for class! I’ll pay you tonight!” Hidan shouted back as he jumped into his car and slammed the door, “I have everything, don’t worry!”

“Then you should just pay it now.” Kakuzu stood next to Hidan’s car. He didn’t want to come back later and didn’t want a late night visitor either. 

“Kakuzu, I will run over your feet if you don’t move.” Hidan said as he turned the key and put his car in reverse, but the man just stood there, “Come on, move! I really have to go. I’ll be late. You want me to be late?”

Kakuzu stood there a moment longer before stepping away from the car, he was glad to see Hidan was taking his classes seriously, “No, I suppose not. But I better get that rent by tonight. Don’t forget.”

“Like you’d fucking let me forget. I’ll be by when I get home tonight. Maybe you could have some drinks for me, maybe something to eat.” Hidan grinned, “It can be like a date!”

Stepping back so Hidan could get out of the driveway, Kakuzu shouted at him as he reversed, “You are paying your rent, this is not a date!”

"It's a date! Have something nice for me to drink!" Hidan shouted back as he reached the street and checked his mirrors to make sure no one was coming before he drove away.

* * *

 

“What the fuck. Hidan?” Deidara said as he looked up to see Hidan walk into the class wearing dark blue mechanic coveralls. His hands were stained with grease and he had a smudge on his sweaty cheek, his gelled back hair was messy and falling down. 

“Hey, Deidara! How’s it goin’?” Hidan said.

“ _What_ are you wearing?” Sasori asked, a look of disdain on his face as he looked up from his desk where he had been busy marking someone’s paper. “You’re filthy. And your hair...” He shook his head, this would not do at all. 

“What are you even doing here, hm?” Deidara wanted to know. 

“I’m gonna model for you and your class.”

“No you’re not!” Deidara shouted, “Professor, tell him to get out!”

Hidan’s face fell, he had hoped Deidara would be happy to see him, “What’s your problem?”

“My problem is that I just want to do some sculpting and painting without thinking about you! Not that I think all that much about you, hm! Because I don't!” Deidara shouted. They now had the attention of the entire class. 

“Deidara, enough.” Sasori said, walking over to get between them, maybe it had been a mistake to ask Hidan to come to his class, he knew all about their breakup that wasn't a breakup but kind of was. He looked from his student to his model, “Hidan, go clean up. I don’t want grease all over my art room. And fix your hair.”

“Fine...Do I have to change, too?”

Sasori gave him a look, “Um, yes. You do have a change of clothes, don’t you?”

“Um, no. What the fuck, does it look like I’m at home?!”

“Do not speak to me like that!”

“Yeah, you tell him, Professor Akasuna!” Deidara shouted.

“I just came from my class where I've spent the last six hours working, I don’t bring clothes with me.”

Sasori stood there, arms crossed over his chest while looking him up and down. Hidan started to laugh.

“What is so funny?”

“You’re so fucking short! You’re like one of those little lap dogs trying to be vicious but you’re really not!”

Narrowing his pale brown eyes at Hidan, Sasori walked back to his desk and made a dismissive motion with his hand as he picked up a pen and started marking an unfortunate student's paper, “You may leave, Hidan. We will forgo a live model for today and paint from memory. Those always turn out interesting...” And by interesting, he meant garbage. It was as if people couldn’t remember what another human being looked like when the class was full of them.

Hidan’s mouth fell open. Deidara laughed obnoxiously, “Oh, I’ll paint him from memory, alright! And I’ll tape it to your front door, Hidan!”

“Shut the fuck up, Deidara!” Hidan shouted and shoved his pencils onto the floor.

“Hidan, I’m warning you.” Sasori raised his voice, “You leave my classroom now. I don’t tolerate this type of behavior. _If_ I call you back next week, you will bring a change of clothes and act professionally!”

Deidara made faces, sticking his tongue out at Hidan and laughed again as he was leaving. 

“Deidara. Since you can’t seem to control yourself and act like an adult, you may leave too and earn a zero for today with no chance for make up points.”

_ “What?!” _

“You heard me. Come back next week and act like an adult. My students do not have a say in how I run my classes.” Sasori got up after he left several scathing remarked on the paper he was grading and walked up to the front of the classroom. “Alright, everyone’s attention up here, now.”

Deidara gathered his things and stormed out of the room, shoving past Hidan on his way down the hall. Hidan caught up to him and pulled him aside, “Hey! I thought you wanted to be friends again or something, why are you acting like this?!”

“I did. I do . I just...wasn’t expecting to see you out of nowhere in my art class of all places!” Deidara sighed as he stopped in the hallway and ran his hand through his hair, “I miss my best friend. I made a mistake sleeping with you. You warned me, it was just sex, and I thought I could handle it. I guess I couldn’t. I got feelings for you and you didn’t like me back. I got my hopes up. We did things that felt like more than just fuck buddies.”

“I’m sorry, Deidara, I really am. I never meant to hurt you.” Hidan told him, “I miss my best friend, too and wish I never suggested sex.”

They stood there awkwardly in the hallway and someone walked by, looking at them before continuing on.  

Hidna’s stomach growled and he looked up, “Hey, you wanna go get something to eat? I haven’t eaten since breakfast and I’m starving.”

Deidara hesitated for a moment and almost said no, he was tired of fighting with him and decided that now was as good a time as they were going to get to start talking and hanging out again. “Alright, sure. What do you want, hm?”

“Something cheap.”

“We can go to the McDonalds then. The one near the park, yeah?”

 Hidan nodded, “Try not to drive through their window when you park!”

“That was one time!” 

“Was it really though?” Hidan grinned, he really wondered how many things Deidara had driven into, or over, since he got his license.

* * *

 

“So…” Deidara said as he drug a french fry through a pile of ketchup, making sure it was thoroughly coated in the condiment, “You’re in the mechanics course, hm?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, I really like it.”

“What about your job? You mentioned you had a new one.”

“I quit.”

Deidara looked up from his ketchup laden fry, “The new one? Why would you--”

Hidan shook his head, “The one at the club. It...lost its appeal to me.”

“What do you do now?”

“I work at.... uh, at Wal-Mart…”

“That’s not so bad.”

Hidan’s shoulder slumped forward and he leaned his head against the table, “It actually really is… I hate it there. I’m just a fucking janitor! Part time. Yesterday I had to clean the toilets and it was so fucking nasty…I couldn’t even eat on my break. I hate it. So much,” He sighed, “To be really honest, Dei...I regret quitting and want to crawl back and beg for my old job back...but I can’t, not with the way I left. And the reasons why. I can't go back, and I wouldn't, but...yeah, that’s how I feel. I made good money there and now I barely have anything to get by.”

Deidara reached his hand out and let it hang in the air over Hidan’s head for a moment, he almost took it back but gave him a few awkward pats before he let his hand rest on Hidan’s head, his fingers sinking into his messy, silver hair, “I’m sorry, Hidan. Maybe try looking for something else, hm?”

He turned his head so he could look up at Deidara from the table, “That’s why I was going to model for your fucking art class. I was going to get paid for it.”

“Oh.” Deidara let his fingers massage Hidan's scalp for a moment before he took his hand back.

“Yeah. Oh.” Hidan picked his head up and popped a chicken nugget in his mouth, chewing noisily, “I model for his private art class. He pays me pretty good. He said he’d give my number to some other classes but after today...maybe he won’t.”

“Sorry…”

“It’s alright. I guess I should’ve told you.”

“Some warning would’ve been nice, hm.” 

Hidan had thought his friend might have enjoyed the surprise but apparently not. Once he finished his chicken nuggets and started working on his fries. He was so hungry and was sad he was almost finished and would have gotten up to order more but had no more cash on him.

“Still gonna paint you from memory though.” Deidara said with a smirk, “I wonder what memory…I have so many to choose from, yeah.”

“Deidara...if you paint my ass, make sure it looks really good, alright?”

“I'm not painting your ass, we’re not allowed to paint nudity in this class. Oh, hey, isn’t that weird Akasuna lives in the trailer park, too? He's such a jerk, he asked if I make my sculptures while babysitting. I mean, sure, Naruto made one and maybe he was talking about that one but I think he meant all of them, hm.”

“That's rude. I like your statues. Hey, does he drink those stupid bobas at the college too?”

“Yes!” Deidara slammed his coke down, “And he makes the most annoying sounds with it, and slurps and sucks every last drop!! I want to shove that straw through his fucking eyeball, hm!” 

A family with a small child turned to look at them, the parents giving both men dirty looks. 

“Shit, Deidara, that’s pretty violent.” Hidan raised his voice, ignoring the family as the parents made some comment about them needing to watch their language in a family restaurant, "I fuckin' like it." He could never imagine Deidara doing such a thing though, knowing he couldn't stand the sight of blood.

“I hate sounds like that.” Deidara breathed in and out loudly and grabbed several fries, swiped them through the ketchup and shoved them into his mouth.

“You gonna eat that?” Hidan looked at Deidara’s last chicken nugget.

Shaking his head, Deidara pushed the container across the table.

“You know, you should try to get a job as a waiter or bartender. Or even a bus boy! You’re really charming when you want to be, I bet you'd make good tips. And some places include a meal for free.”

“I applied to a few places, no one was hiring.” Hidan took the last nugget and dipped it in his own pile of ketchup, “I might try again because I can’t stand this job.” 

“You’ll find something, I’m sure of it.”

They sat for a while, finishing their drinks and checking their phones in a companionable silence, neither wanting to get up and have to end their time together. But it was getting late and they were both tired.

Hidan yawned and checked the time, he still had to pay his rent. He considered waiting but if he didn't get it paid by tonight, it would be late and he would have the late fee to deal with, too. Besides, he was looking forward to seeing Kakuzu.

“Damn, it’s getting late.”

“Yeah, it is. You know, maybe you want to come over and hang out sometime, when you’re not busy. We can watch something together.” Deidara said as he put his phone into his pocket and picked up his keys and helped Hidan gather up the trash to throw away.

“Only if you’re sure.” Hidan said, letting Deidara take the tray and dump it out into the trash.

“Course I’m sure. I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t.”

They walked out to the parking lot together, the cool night air was a refreshing change from the hot summer they had. Hidan stretched his arms over his head, while Deidara pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, “Want one?” He asked as he took one out for himself and lit it.

Hidan started to reach for the pack, hesitated, and then caved in and took it, “Thanks.” He had been cutting back gradually, but couldn’t quit overnight and stuck a cigarette between his lips and took the offered lighter to light it. He took a drag and sighed as he exhaled. It felt good, he had missed his smokes during the day, and knew he would have a hard time giving them up completely-- if he ever did. 

“So, I’ll be seeing you, hm.” Deidara said with a smile as he was handed his pack of cigarettes back.

“Yeah, you will be.” Hidan got in his car and waited for Deidara to leave first, not wanting to risk getting rear ended by him. He watched as he sped out of the parking lot, honking at a man walking a tiny dog as he did so while cutting someone off in the street. 

Shaking his head, he left the parking lot and headed home, wondering if Kakuzu would invite him in or not when he went over to pay his rent, he didn't expect the man to offer him any drinks like he had suggested earlier, but he did hope he would let him in. And if not, Hidan would just have to think of some way to invite himself in. With that thought, he put his seat belt on and wondered what kind of excuse he could use to get himself inside Kakuzu's trailer.


End file.
